*

we could leave this town and run forever

2005-02-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

This can only mean one thing, people... it's moving day! That's right, I have moved to a new blog. It's just time for that. Anyway, let's get to the good stuff. Here's the new address:

http://justaloungeact.blogspot.com/

You can still link to ILJ if you like, since it's not like I'm taking it down or anything. In fact, it's linked at least 3 times at the new digs. But enough of this chitchat- get your ass over to the new crib to chill out.

living just to find emotion

2005-02-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of moving the blog. How does that strike you? (Not deleting it, just giving it some new digs.)

the ghost in you

2005-02-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

Well, here we are. It's the post-Superbowl slump that I always seem to get into. Maybe this means I should try to focus less energy on football in the future? Nah. That's crazy talk.

You may have guessed that I don't have very much going on right now and, thus, I have nothing good to write about. So, I'll post this picture of my new boots:

and I will provide with a list. It's the least that I can do. I mean, does it get much worse than this? Football is over (Pro Bowl is fun, but it doesn't really count), there's no NHL season this year, produce is expensive, and it's still goddamned February. I may have to go insane.

Things That Annoy Me To No End

1) fruit flies (if you have roomies/significant others who leave food lying around on the counter, then you probably feel my pain)

2) shoelaces coming untied when it's wet/slushy/muddy outside (especially if i've already stepped on them a couple of times)

3) not having a garage in which to park my car (i have no one but myself to blame)

4) getting my hair cut and having not even one person notice until i mention it

5) looking for a lightbulb and not being able to find one less than 100 watts

6) buying a new jar of mustard and then finding a half-full one at the back of the fridge

7) people who claim to be vegetarians, yet still eat fish and chicken (dude... eating any kind of animal disqualifies you from vegetarianism, and don't EVEN try to tell me about the 'exceptions')

8) people who keep calling and refuse to leave messages on the phone ('i'll just call back later'- what are you, psychic? do you know exactly when the person will be back? no? then maybe you should just get over yourself and leave a goddamned message already)

9) insistance that snowboarding is better than skiing (one isn't better than the other- they're both equal)

10) going to the supermarket not once, but twice, and both times coming back with everything but what i meant to get

if i could find you now things would get better

2005-02-07T09:35:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I'm disappointed. But you know how it is- too many turnovers does not a football game win. Either way, I'm still proud of the Eagles for getting to the Superbowl to begin with. We'll be back next year... and we'll be better. Oh, and because I'm a way better sport than everybody on earth combined, congrats to the Patriots.

And just like that? I'm all out of words.

crack up in the sun, lose it in the shade

2005-02-04T09:19:00.000-08:00

Do you have a drink already? If not, you might want to go grab one of these from the bar. Or maybe you'd like some of these instead?

So, what IS this, you ask? Dude, did you not get the invitation yesterday? And if you did, why the hell didn't you read it? It's the ILJ 1st birthday bash, and we're going to party all day. Or maybe that's just me. Either way, pull up a chair, grab a beverage, and stay awhile.

i lit a joint... is definitely not the most interesting blog out there. It's not the prettiest, and the writing found on it is not exactly eloquent. If anything, it's pretty goddamned boring on most days, the layout is none too special, and the language (holy shit, the language!) used here is downright crass and offensive. On the other hand, things do tend to get exciting here once in awhile, sometimes I get it right and the layout looks pretty good, and a lot of times you can actually find words posted that you can be proud to add to your vocabulary. I didn't start this blog so that people would like me (that's just a given- I'm the most fucking likeable person on the planet... and not just because my mom tells me that). I didn't start it to be trendy. You know what? Who cares about this shit? Happy birthday ILJ. This past year has been a slice and a half, so let's just keep the insanity going. It's time to party, goddammit. In honour of this occasion, here is a list I posted at some point in the past (and had to go through pretty much all of the archives to find because my brain doesn't work), and the first really good post that ever appeared on ILJ. Stop sipping that booze like a pussy lounge act- CHUG ALREADY, BECAUSE THE KEG IS HERE!!!!

Funniest list EVER on ILJ:

Ten Things To Do To Get Fired From a Job You Hate (Doesn't apply to my job, though. My job rocks your ass. That's right. Yours.)

1) Instead of refilling the photocopier with toner, fill it with RED INK.

2) Tell your boss that you're pretty sure the Rogaine isn't working... and has he ever considered hair plugs?

3) Insist on using hard-core porn scenes as the wallpaper on your computer monitor. And make sure there are SOUNDS to go with it.

4) Fill the coffee maker with motor oil.

5) Always call your annoying co-worker a name that isn't hers/his when referring to her/him, especially in front of your boss. Example: 'Good morning, Skanky Bitch Whore!'

6) When your boss asks you if you have received the e-mail he/she sent you, always say no. Even if it gets sent five times.

7) Steal all the rolls of toilet paper from the washroom stalls, and keep them at your desk. If people ask you to return them, tell them you must charge them a fee per use. The fee should be no less than a dollar per four squares of paper.

8) Remove all blue and black pens from the supply room, and replace them with pink, purple, and green sparkle gel pens. Keep the blue and black ones in a jar on your desk.

9) Walk into the office of your boss, get up on a chair and start dancing insanely. When he/she asks you to get down, tell him/her that you already are 'getting down', 'what, are you fucking blind or something?

10) If none of the above tickles your fancy, well, you can always just steal shit from co-workers right in front of them . I'm told this works quite well if you really want to get fired.

First really good post on ILJ:

bitch

I am not a very nice person. This is something that gets brought up in certain conversations again and again, until it has become near impossible for me to ignore it any longer. The thing is, I used to always think I was a pretty decent person. I mean, at the very least, a tolerable person. But honestly, I do find myself questioning that quite a bit these days. I have already discussed my extreme lack of patience on this blog, but that impatience could very well be where my 'not niceness' stems from. Actually, fuck this 'could very well be' crap. I am plainly and simply a bitch. When I meet someone for the first time, even though I am polite, I secretly wonder what the hell they want from me. When someone does something too nice for me out of the blue, with no prompting whatsoever, I wonder what awful thing they must have done behind my back for them to want to make things up to me so desperately. I am indeed that much of a bitch. If I do something nice for someone, I always secretly hope they do something nice for me in return. If they don't, I always harbour ill feelings. Bitch. In my own defense, however, it wasn't always this way, and I still do have some redeeming qualities (in case some of you have already written me off as some kind of heartless, cold-blooded freak). I used to be the kind of girl who would trust anybody as long as they seemed sincere, and I was the first person to drop whatever I was doing and help people out. I always tried to see the good in people, no matter how shitty of a person they seemed outwardly. Then I fucking opened my eyes. People can act sincere even if they mean to rape and kill you, and stuff you into the trunk of a car. If you continually compensate for friends with no money, they start thinking it's okay not to have a job because you will take care of everything for them. Guys who buy you pretty things- and tell you you're beautiful, and say that they love you- will still call you a 'stupid cunt', maybe hit you, and cheat on you right in front of your face. There's fucking trust for you. That's exactly where being a nice person got me, and I just couldn't take it anymore. At the age of twenty, I became the most cold-hearted, untrusting, self-centered bitch in the entire world. And you know what? I didn't give a damn. It felt good to tell people, 'Sorry, I can't help you edit your paper. It cuts into my toenail painting time.' It felt good to drag a 'friend' out to the bar, find out they had no money to spend and say, 'Well, I'd buy you a drink, but I actually need to save the money to buy a television next month. I hope you don't mind.' It felt damn good to flirt meaninglessly with some guy, fuck him for one night, and then when he phoned a couple of days later, pretend I didn't have the slightest idea who he was, and yell at him for being a depraved, asian-girl-fetishist stalker. It was fucking empowerment for me. I believed I was a being the best me I could be, and not the stupid, trusting, easily disappointed, spineless, I'm-everybody's-best-friend girl that I was before. But wait. This is not where the story ends. At 27, I no longer feel the need to be the monster I've become. In fact, I kind of hate me a lot sometimes. But I know that I'm not a lost cause yet. Goddammit, I like helping people sometimes. And I think it's bloody awesome when someone talks to me just because they find me approachable (people really don't always want something from you). I've been with the Boy for almost a year now, and I've seen the way he treats people. He never expects anything from anyone. He does nice things for people because he wants to. And you know, to me, that is a hell of a lot braver than going around alienating people due to the fact that you've made yourself actually believe that you are better than them because you 'can't be hurt'. I really didn't 'open my eyes' when I started being a bitch. All I did was shut them tight, and duct tape them closed. I don't want to wake up someday and find that all my friends are gone because I drove them away. I don't want to be sitting in front of the television waiting for the Boy to come home one night, but he never does because he's with someone better. If this is the 'top'- if this is what it's like at the 'top'- then fuck, is it ever lonely. I don't want the stupid duct tape on my eyes anymore. I just want to come down and be with everyone else. It's a long fucking trip back, but it's worth the journey. I know it doesn't really change that I'm a bitch by nature, but I definitely think that I can at least try to be a nicer one.

(birthday card by yours truly, the lounge hat what runs this operation).

* * * * * *

Yes, I realize this is probably the longest post ever, but I have to get everything in before I fuck off for the weekend. Firstly, Sunday is Superbowl Sunday. I would like to extend an extra-large GO EAGLES!!!! to the Philadelphia Eagles.

Secondly, Sunday is also what would have been Mr. Bob Marley's 60th birthday. So if you are so inclined, please burn a big one down for the man whose music kept me through the hard times, and continues to do so today. Happy birthday, Bob.

Robert Nesta Marley
(1945-1981)

you gotta fight for your right to party

2005-02-03T13:45:00.000-08:00

there's emptiness behind their eyes, there's dust in all their hearts

2005-02-03T09:45:00.000-08:00

How people found i lit a joint... and what I have to say about it:

skateboards made out of homegrown dope (okay... what??)

ghetto prince font (there is a font called 'ghetto prince?)

dirty competitive swimmers jokes (obviously i was out of the loop during my swimming days...)

nutritional value of wendy's taco salad (anything that you load with sour cream and chili is NOT going to be all that nutritious, just so you know)

pimped aveo (this makes me laugh, because my car is so not the kind of car you want to pimp out. it's like pimping... a honda civic)

you eagles are going to the superbowl (yes, yes i know us eagles are going)

robin's donuts nutritional chart (honey... if you're eating donuts, why do you even care about nutritional value?)

* * * * * *

Fleecey's 10 Rules To Being Cool:

1) Never look for 'the good in everyone'. That's a bunch of crap, because pretty much everyone is going to be nice to you for the the first while, since no one ever really wants to come across as an asshole. Instead, push everybody to reveal all the bad things about themselves (whether it ends up being voluntarily or accidentally). You want to know what exactly you're dealing with- perverts, freeloaders, psychos; they all seem nice at first.

2) Never wear a kickass outfit if you don't have an appropriate pair of shoes to go with it. It's probably the biggest travesty ever to sport ugly footwear with nice clothing, because you will probably never live it down. It's very jarring to look at someone at first and go, wow, that's a really great dress, and then look down and have your eyes poked out by the sharp stick that is bad shoes.

3) Don't ever do nice things for people who never seem to appreciate the gesture. You may think that being nice for free is fun, but it's really not. These people are laughing at you behind your back about what a pushover you are. How fun is that?

4) Only hang out with people who are as smart as you. Not smarter (no one who has won a Nobel or a Pulitzer or anything like that) because then you'll seem like an idiot, and never stupider because, well... why the hell would you want to hang out with stupid people anyway?

5) Do not ever have an eating disorder or go on really fucked up, 'starve yourself' diets just because you think you're not skinny enough. Eat whatever the fuck you want (in moderation), and peel your ass off the goddamned couch every once in awhile. It beats the hell out of eating rice cakes and carrot sticks for three meals a day.

6) Never wear anything that doesn't look good on your body. No matter how big of a trend it is. No matter if all of your friends are wearing it. If it looks stupid on you when you first try it on, it is always going to look stupid on you. Besides, most trends are just retarded and change every couple of months.

7) Do not dye your hair a colour that doesn't go with your skin tone. If I have to explain this to you, you deserve to have your ass kicked. Down a mountain.

8) Always be the best looking one of all your friends. Being the ugly one doesn't get you very many points in your quest for cool, because it means you will always be the one left holding drinks while everyone else dances, or you will have to save your table at the pub when all of your friends go out to smoke a joint. Being hot means always being invited to join in.

9) Buy yourself flowers sometimes. If you always wait around for someone else to do it, you're just plain lame. It's beyond cool to walk by a flower shop, see some that you love, and go in and buy them. Because it means that you are self-sufficient.

10) Don't have long-term relationships with guys just because they're hot. That's the lamest thing ever. If you have zero in common with a dude, don't let their looks fool you into keeping them around. They are probably fucking a co-worker behind your sad-ass back anyway. A co-worker who is five years younger than you are. Plus, if he looks that good, he probably doesn't read books.

If you follow these rules, you will probably become much cooler than you are currently. But it's not like I guarantee that you will become as cool as me, because it happens that I was just born cool, and not everybody has that same priviledge. What the hell, though, it's always worth a shot.

sometimes he awakens with spiders on his eyelids

2005-02-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

Here is a link to my old college radio station (previously found only on cable) where I used to DJ on Friday nights. It can now be heard on the internet, which is pretty fucking rad if you ask me. K-Billy Super Sounds Of The Seventies... Right on. Good ol' CMRC 107.5 cable FM (The Edge) has come so far.

CMRC Radio

* * * * * *

I went and saw The Aviator last night. It was quite good, and easily Leonardo DiCaprio's best role. My beef was that it ran way long, so I suggest you wait until it comes out on DVD because you are going to need to take pee breaks and to get up and stretch your legs throughout. It kind of also made me realize that most people's OCD can't even be considered OCD when compared to fucking Howard Hughes. The guy had some serious issues.

Now, ILJ proudly presents:
Weird Word Wednesday, The Return Of

Ten Weird Words And What They Mean

1) Abomasum: ruminant's fourth stomach (mmm... 'ruminant')
2) Baetyl: magical or holy meteoric stone (does Kryptonite count?)
3) Cachexic: having an unhealthy physical or mental state (CRAAAAZY)
4) Daedalist: aviator; pilot (what Scorcese SHOULD have called his movie)
5) Eclegme: ancient syrupy medicine that is licked off a spoon (ughh)
6) Falderal: nonsense; meaningless refrain of a song
7) Galericulate: topped by a hat-like covering
8) Hapax: word which occurs only once (where? in a sentence? in the world?)
9) Impanate: embodied in bread***
10) Jobbernowl: a blockish or stupid head (it shall be my newest insult)

***
This word totally reminded me of the time when my friend used the word 'ENSCONED', when she really meant 'ENSCONCED'. Being ever the helpful and true friend, I corrected her in front of everyone; 'Oh, I think you mean ENSCONCED. ENSCONED would mean you are baked into a scone.' I am such a great person sometimes.

i don't know where i am but i know i don't like it

2005-02-01T10:28:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong to secretly think you're better than certain people? I say it's not, because if you only 'secretly' think it, these people never actually have to know that you look down on them.

Ten Random Things

1) I have zero respect for women who are willing to change everything in their lives just to keep a man.

2) I like mint-flavoured Fisherman's Friend lozenges better than gum.

3) I used to do a lot of cocaine back in the day. Surprisingly, my brain still works just fine.

4) I don't wash my hair everyday (or it would all start to fall out).

5) If I didn't clean the bathroom at home, nobody would.

6) When people who have known me for years have no idea what kind of beer I drink at the bar, it pisses me off (like, if I send you to the bar and you come back with a Moosehead- fuck you, non-observant slacker).

7) I totally would have kept up my boycott of Starbucks, but it is the only coffee shop close to my work.

8) This list is sucking some serious balls.

9) Speaking of balls, I spent part of last Friday night writing 'balls' in the snow on everybody's windshield for two blocks.

10) I'm kind of afraid to open my coffee mug and see what's growing inside... so I will throw it out at the end of the week.

you'll never be a better kind if you don't leave the world behind

2005-01-31T11:37:00.000-08:00

My favourite pants are a $20 pair of jeans. Go figure. I am never going to dye my hair any other colour again besides jet black. It doesn't get as much attention from the boys, but goddamn it looks great.

Once again, I find myself at the beginning of the week and I have nothing creative to post. So maybe I'll just do up a list of sorts. Yeah, that works.

Song that sends chills down my spine everytime I hear it:

'Only In Dreams' by Weezer. I don't know what it is- maybe it's the ultra simplistic chord progressions, maybe it's just the lyrics- whatever it is, I love this song almost too much. There's just something supremely profound to me about the line 'she is your marrow and your ride home'. It's so creepy and beautiful.

Favourite song(s) to sing at karaoke (not that I've done it in awhile):

1) New Kid In Town by The Eagles

The first song I ever sang at a karaoke night. It has an appropriate country-ish twang to it, plus it is one of my most favourite songs ever... and it is in my vocal range (even though sometimes I sing like a turkey).

2) Say It Ain't So by Weezer

I can never get the high parts quite right, but this one is just pure fun to sing, and it is a big crowd pleaser around these parts.

Best pirate song

Has to be 'Whiskey In The Jar'. It doesn't really matter which version, because pirate tunes are always way fun, but I'm rather partial to the one by Metallica. It was the best song they did right before they completely sold out. Or maybe it was after. Whatever. I like to listen to this one loud while wearing an eye-patch for effect. Also check out the Thin Lizzy version. Gotta have some Phil Lynott in there.

Best song for singing drunk with a friend while pretending flowers pilfered from a park are microphones:

Yellow by Coldplay. Okay, okay, so you're all like, 'Are you serious? A song by the band in which Gwyneth's hubby is the singer?' But really, it's good times. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

Song that you wouldn't be embarassed to name your kid after:

Velouria by The Pixies. C'mon, but isn't 'Velouria' the prettiest name ever? It wouldn't be like naming a child after a hair metal song.

Best use of a song to the effect of making me cry every single time in a movie:

At the end of the movie 'The Killing Fields' (starring a young Sam Waterson, now of Law and Order fame) when Sidney Schanberg is reunited with Dith Pran (unless you've seen it, these names probably mean nothing to you), Imagine by John Lennon is playing in the background. And I start crying my eyes out.

Stupidest song that I have to admit to liking because it is so damned catchy:

Lovefool by The Cardigans. The lyrics are super dumb, but this song has a nice beat and a cute melody going for it. I totally bob my head whenever it comes on the radio.

Fave song about impending doom (or so the title implies):

It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) by R.E.M. Don't lie- you like it too. Even if you can't sing along because you don't know all the words (I do... but I'm a geek), there is so something to be said about a tune that informs you that Lenny Bruce is not afraid.

Best use of the word 'acid' in a song:

Sorry by Nerf Herder (points if you know what movie their name came from, and the show that I like for which they provided theme music). 'Sorry I crashed through your window on acid; sorry I made a mess, sorry I bled to death.' It totally made me want to crash through someone's window on acid.

Official party song of the college years:

Titty Twister by Diesel Boy. 'My pants are falling down, the room is spinning around, my stomach is making funny sounds, I'm falling down; I'm falling down.' If you don't know this university bar anthem, you are truly missing out.

Song that makes me want to head out to the desert:

The End by The Doors. I doubt you need much of an explanation.

Album that I bought because everyone said it was good but I still don't like it:

Elephant by The White Stripes. Sorry, but I just can't get in to this one. Nothing about it catches my ear at all.

Catchiest song that you've never heard of (unless you have):

No Sissies by Hawksley Workman. Because no sissies get MY love. Oh yeah.

Song about unfulfilled potential that I most relate to:

Monday by Wilco. Ch-ch-Charlie had a pretty good band, but it's his rivals The World Record Players who scored a tour of Japan, so he's left home to fix his vehicle. Which is a van. I can feel his pain. Except that I don't drive a van. Monday, I'm all high indeed.

Funniest mainstream tune that I like:

Holiday Inn by Chingy. Dude, seriously. Funny and catchy shit. Whatchu doin'? Nothin', chillin' at the Holiday IIIIIIIIIInnn...

Biggest lifelong musical obsession:

Motown. How can you not dig it?

Best song that you probably thought was by Rod Stewart but it's not:

Downtown Train by Tom Waits. This has always been one of my favourites, and it comes from an equally great album called Rain Dogs. If you're not currently listening to Tom Waits or have just never bothered, well bother. He's brilliant.

Welcome to the jungle... guilty pleasure G n'R song that makes me drive faster:

You Could Be Mine. I've had a lot of near misses while this song has been spinning in my car.

Most hilarious musical memory from high school:

Driving around in my friend's station wagon listening to Cadillac Ranch by The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. I'm fucking serious.

Best use of music in a movie recently:

Napoleon Dynamite. You just knew I was going to say that. Honest, though, everything about that soundtrack was right.

Craziest musical purchase made in the last two months:

I actually bought every single album put out by The Smiths on CD. Even the live ones.

One album that has never, ever left my current rotation:

I'm sure everyone must know this by now, but The Blue Album by Weezer. I first had it on tape, and then I finally replaced it with a CD because my car has no tape deck. I never stop relating to the songs, and I don't think I'll ever get tired of singing the words. It's the one CD that no one ever argues about when I put it on, and there's something that makes you feel good about singing Surf Wax America in the bar with a total stranger. I have nothing but good memories attached to this record, so it gets to stay in my current rotation forever and ever.

* * * * * *

Because this relates to the above post...

Here is the lineup for Coachella 2005. I don't know if I can afford to go yet. Maybe if I just went on the Saturday? I mean, come on, Weezer AND Wilco?? Plus it'll be the perfect opportunity for me to sing 'Yellow' into a flower microphone...

now i stand with skin and bones, without a dime to call my home

2005-01-28T09:08:00.000-08:00

I see a Darwin Award in this dude's future. Oh wait... to have a future I suppose you need to still be alive. Poorly worded- my bad.

Heads up: a week from today I will be having a Happy One Year, ILJ party... well, here at ILJ. Bring booze and lots of food and foul language.

So, yeah, the bar is open now- come have a drink.

Okay, so I DID find something to post. Here is a survey made by the lovely Rococo over at MSAFP. I'm filling it out because it makes me laugh at how uncool I actually am/was/whatever. I suck.

I WISH I WAS AS COOL NOW AS I THOUGHT I WAS AT 16 SURVEY.

What was/were your favourite outfit/articles of clothing at 16?

Okay, in case you haven't already guessed it? I was a grunge/hippie/self-styled GOD. But seriously, I actually thought my brand of 'dressing homeless even though everyone fucking knows I live at home with mom and dad' was cutting edge; hip, even. I look at old pics (the few that exist, due to my irrational fear of being photographed often)? And Pepsi and half-chewed food sprays out my nose while I laugh. I cannot even try to pretend these days that ugly was dope.

How big was your hair? If you did not have the privilege to grow up in the 80's, please tell us about your even more fabulous 90's hair.

Oh I had super huge hair for a long time in junior high, but it kind of died down by high school. In grade 11 I had purply-black-brown self-made dreads for the first little while, then my mom totally made me cut them off.

What were the most influential songs/artists/bands in your teenaged years?

Dude, I listened to so much stuff back then. But let me tell you about the funniest thing. In grade 9 I had this white jean jacket (I shit you not) with a Guns n' Roses patch on the back. I thought it was so goddamned hot. I was a total hair metal chick then.

What posters graced the walls in your bedroom?

Honestly? I had a giant poster of a gopher and a Paul Klee print. I was way rad.

What did your mother wear?

My mom was always cool, so I'd say whatever she wears now is just a more updated version of what she dressed like then.

What movie(s) do you still quote while attempting to be funny?

Attempting? Whatever... I go for Army of Darkness.

What drug(s) do you miss the most? If you still do drugs, you're a champ! What drug do you most regret taking? DETAILS PLEASE.......

Obviously I don't miss the dope because I'm smoking it as I type this (I wish). I don't miss crank very much. A lot of people don't know this, but I did shoot heroin once. Never again, though. I can't miss acid because I still have a couple of tabs hiding out at home for a rainy day. What the hell is the point I'm trying so hard to make here? Oh yeah... I miss doing mushrooms with the right people. You do them with the wrong people and it's ALL BAD.

Tell us about the first time you got drunk.

When I was 14, I stole vodka out of my friend's parents' liquor cabinet, and we drank half the bottle and were super ripped. Then we wanted to go outside and take a walk, so we took the vodka with. As soon as we got to the sidewalk, I dropped the bottle and it smashed everywhere... and the neighbours saw and ratted us out later on.

What t-shirt do you miss the most?

I had this black Rush (yes, RUSH) t-shirt with the 'Signals' album cover on the front. For real.

Where did you hang out when you were getting intoxicated?

Bowness park and the surrounding neighborhood.

Who did you have a mad crush on in high school?

Damian A. Fuck, was he hot at that time.

Who did you date and regretted it?

I only dated cool boys. No really, I don't have regrets about anything or anyone.

Did you ever receive a candygram?

My friends sent 'em to me all the time. Oh, and once from some 'anonymous' boy, but everyone knew who it was, and he got razzed about it.

Did you ever get suspended from high school? DETAILS PLEASE....

From high school? Please... I was so ahead of the game. I told a loser teacher to go fuck himself when I was in grade 8 and got my ass suspended for a week. After that, I was the coolest kid like... ever.

Who was the class geek? You?

You SO wish it was me, but sadly, no. It was Billiam Ziegler. He dressed like Indiana Jones, and had the personality of an apricot.

Who was the shit in your high school?

Do you even HAVE to ask?

What group were you in? Potheads?

I didn't believe in groups, so I pretty much just hung out with whoever was up for skipping class that day.

What teacher hated you the most?

The english teacher who looked like a gigantor ugly fish.

What was THE stupidest thing you did in high school? Ride on the hood of a car thinking you looked cool in front of the smoking pit?

Going to high school was pretty stupid in and of itself, no?

What was the most embarrassing moment? Honk at the dance? Boner at the locker while making out?

Bailing on the ice in front of the smoking doors and ripping my pants. I blame the smoking.

What was/were the coolest moment(s) of your high school career?

Graduating and getting the HELL outta dodge.

What do you wish you did then that you never had the chance to do?

I wish I hadn't chucked my buddy Candice's number at the end of grade 11 because we had a dumb fight, because she ended up moving away and I never saw her again. She was super cool.

What do you wish you knew then that you know now?

Don't ever give a shit waht other people think, because they'll all end up fat and ugly with ass-faced husbands, and homely half-retarded children anyway.

you laughed, enchanted by my intellect (or maybe you didn't)

2005-01-26T10:36:00.000-08:00

Whenever I say that I'm 'laughing with you, not at you', it's probably a good thing to know that I'm fucking lying. Unless I actually am laughing with you... which really doesn't happen all that often. Because you're not very funny, no matter what your mom tells you. Don't you know moms have to say that kind of crap to their kids? If you didn't... I'm telling you now. Oh, and by the way, you're not good looking either.

and it makes me feel so fine i can't control my brain

2005-01-25T11:59:00.000-08:00

I've been told that I dispose of people too easily in life. Sometimes I agree- I'm very quick to make friends, and I am just as quick to end friendships when it's not working for me. These days I'm finding that it doesn't take much. Voice narrow-minded views one too many times in my presence? You're gone. Act without consideration towards me and assume that loyalty will allow me to forget about it? You can go fuck yourself. I tend to keep my important relationships few and far between. The people I spend time with on a regular basis, and not simply out of obligation? You'd better believe I can count them on two hands. I also have my 'party' friends- the ones I'll call up when a night at home watching DVD's won't do. We're not extremely close, but they're always worth giving a shout to when I'm in their part of town. Then there are the ones who I will cut loose in the next little while. I still refer to them as 'friends' for lack of a better word... but I really have no problem severing ties. This is why it really bothers me when I see people around me hang on to relationships that really aren't there anymore. When they say 'my friend so-and-so', but you know that when that 'friend' was in town, they never even stopped by to hang out. It's the ghost of a relationship, and as much as you'd like to still consider that person a part of your life, you can't. It's a done deal. So, ask me if I think that maybe I drop people from my life too easily, and I'll tell you that if I do, it's definitely with good reason. I've just become more careful of who I keep around, and I never hold on to things that are over just because I have delusions. Sure, there are times when I'll be reminded of someone from my past, and I'll suddenly get all nostalgically maudlin and be like, Wouldn't it be cool if I could build a time machine, or at least buy one so that I could re-live that friendship? Because '96 was such a good year and all... But I snap out of it eventually; I know that there are some relationships you are only meant to have for the time that they last- never beyond that. There's no point in pretending that you are still friends with a person when it's painfully obvious that things between the two of you have completely deteriorated. You may as well move on when the pieces are too tiny to ever put together again. It's lonely living with ghosts, and when silence isn't golden, it can be loud enough to burst your eardrums.

when it finally happens you will stand and cheer

2005-01-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

I honestly don't have anything too useful to say today, folks, but in case you didn't already know it...

THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL.

I have added a celebratory shot of whiskey to my coffee this morning. Oh... and to anyone who doubted they'd get to Superbowl this year? You're so not welcome at my blog today. That is all.

fly eagles fly

2005-01-21T13:21:00.000-08:00

When I copout, I copout good. And so, I copout with a tribute to my Philadelphia Eagles. Have a great weekend, and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EAGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they stay at the carnival, but they'll never win you back

2005-01-20T09:40:00.000-08:00

Right now I feel like my fucking head is stuffed full of styrofoam and is in a vice, and someone is stomping on the vice. I can't hear a goddamned thing, and it is pissing me off because it means that people can sneak up on me. I don't like people sneaking up on me. Then again, what the hell am I doing at work if I feel this much like crap anyway? I have 26 paid sick days banked, just waiting to be used. Sonofabitch, sometimes I can be a grade-A moron. If I get sick one more time after this, I'm going 'Taxi Driver' on all your asses.

i guess i shoulda known by the way u parked your car sideways

2005-01-19T13:09:00.000-08:00

The stupidest thing (hands down- I swear) that I ever attempted to do? Build an 'octagon' a la UFC. I am not even kidding. Me and a friend bought a whole bunch of lumber for it, then right on the eve of us building the thing in his back yard, I had a huge flash of what the fuck were we thinking?, and we ended up bailing out and building a deck instead. Now, years later, I think back and realize that maybe it would have been sort of fun to have an octagon. But it's not like I'm going to build one based on a fit of nostalgia. And now I feel like an ass that I admitted on the goddamned internet that I was going to build an octagon.

she took the midnight train going anywhere

2005-01-18T09:46:00.000-08:00

I was going to post today, but I took a bunch of cold medication this morning and my brain is really fuzzy. I am not hungry either, which is a huge change for me. So you get nothing.

is everything a landscape? i am the landscape

2005-01-17T09:05:00.000-08:00

One of the most annoying things in the world is when you can hear a phone ringing continually (and you're not sure where the sound is coming from), and no one picks it up. Ever. At least unplug the fucker if you're not going to answer it. Goddammit.

Why is it that in winter everybody parks their car like shit in the parking lot? I mean, sure you can't see the lines very well or anything, but how fucking difficult is it to park parallel to the car next to you? Or to park your car straight, period (based on the fact that the spaces are ALWAYS arranged in rows, and not randomly, throughout the lot)? Obviously it's brain-wrenchingly difficult, since I had to park at the stupid far end of the parking lot due to the inability of others to park within the marked spaces. Sometimes I really detest the human race.

she was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean

2005-01-14T10:00:00.000-08:00

Right now? I think I'd rather die a painful and horrible death rather than have to endure another winter in this city. It's borderline retarded just how cold it is- this morning I drove to work without fully scraping off my windows because it was just taking too goddamned long. It isn't really winter and snow that I loathe... it's the cold. As in the -42C cold. That's right- this kind of winter is not for wimps. Not that I'm a wimp, but when temperatures drop this low, everything... slows... down. Drives that take 5 minutes normally take about 15 minutes. And who the hell wants to wake up extra early just to get the car started? Not me, dude. Not me.

Okay, so my massive tragedy this morning: I left my little bag of organic mini carrots in the car overnight by accident, so now they're all frozen, and once they defrost they will be rotted out and useless. I want to cry over this because I had anticipated a day of snacking on them... but now it is not to be. Luckily for me it was only really half a bag. Still, it makes me want to kung-fu someone to death over my own stupidity.

Oh, but on the bright side, I ate a fantastic dinner last night. Many thanks to Jaime for posting this on her blog, because I remembered it while grocery shopping and decided to buy it. So good, and really inexpensive.

But tragedy aside and yummy food aside... have you ever gotten up in the morning, walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and just wanted to shave your stupid-ass head and start over? Right now I just really, really hate hair.

I am such a sideshow.
Because sideshow is the new lounge act.
Sometimes.

i want to sleep with common people like you

2005-01-13T10:34:00.000-08:00

If you can, seriously go pick up 'Has Been', the newest CD by William Shatner. I am dead, dead serious- Shatner. My brother bought it for me for crapmas, and it is currently on alternating rotation with 'Smile' by Brian Wilson in my car (unless you're a hard-core Brian Wilson fanatic you probably don't need 'Smile', but I adore it because there's something that's so comforting about his music to me). Honestly, 'Has Been'. Makes me grin from ear to ear... if my mouth were actually that fucking big.

I have found the new thing I am going to buy.

My one friend said it's not as cool as the original iPod or the iPod mini, but seriously, this is cool enough for me. There's no display screen, so you have to remember or write down somewhere what you have uploaded to it, but you can play your songs on random or in order, and it is ANTI-SKIP. Also, it is tiny and can be worn hanging from your neck (or you can purchase the armband- perfect for the gym). Of course it doesn't come in all sorts of cool colours or anything like that, but it doesn't require a USB cable; it just plugs right in to the port on your computer. Honestly, this is something I absolutely must have over a digital camera (it's cheaper- the camera I am going to purchase has gone back up in price, so I have to wait until the next sale). The music they play at the gym sucks ass, and I think that it contributes to my lack of motivation once I get there, so I figure that if I have the capability to bring my own tunage (and not in the form of my gigantic MP3 player) I'll be more likely to stick around for some extra reps.

Now that I've bored the crap out of you with my newfound lust for the iPod Shuffle, let me tell you about the cool wall calendar I purchased last night. It cost only $5, and it is a SCARFACE calendar.

It is so rad (yes, I am resurrecting the usage of this word since it is infinitely more awesome than 'sick' or 'phat' or whatever the shit kids are saying now) I could fucking pee my pants. Say hello to my little friend...
Tony Montana, you were always my goddamned hero.

I aspire to die in a rain of bullets in a 'The World is Yours' fountain.
That is SO the shit dreams are made of.

she says we won't make it now

2005-01-12T13:46:00.000-08:00

I just finished writing this long, ranty post, and then I deleted it because I didn't feel like ranting anymore. But I'll give you the condensed version just for the sake of hearing what your opinions are.

I don't get why people spend so much time and effort on seeking the approval of others. I mean, I never bother with that kind of shit because I simply don't really care what the rest of the world thinks of me. I spent 28 years becoming the person I am, and I'm pretty fucking proud of that. I am not a 'version' of someone else. I am me, and I do my own thing whether or not anyone else thinks it's cool. I don't listen to the Killers, and quite frankly, I've never heard even one damn song by them. I don't think pink looks as good on everybody as it does on me. I liked the movie 'Garden State', but I hated the ending, and it sure as hell didn't change my life. I don't care if I'm not married or don't have any children before I turn 30. I think that a lot of people wear makeup because they're not one-hundred percent comfortable in their own skin. These are all things that make me who I am. I don't reject things to be a 'non-conformist' (that's a puerile term, anyway), but simply because they are either things that don't appeal to me, or ideas that I don't believe in. It's senseless to try to meet the expectations of others, because they will naturally want things for you that can be quite a bit different from what you want for yourself.

no grunge beards, baby, yeah

2005-01-11T08:03:00.000-08:00

Go watch 'Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle' right now. It's definitely just that tiny bit funnier if you happen to be a visible minority, but seriously, it works just as well if you're a raging stoner with a hankering for fast food.

I finished knitting my scarf last night. It looks pretty fucking sweet... until you get up close and personal and realize that the width of it changes from wider to skinnier as you go along. Whatever. It's a hobby, not an attempt at bread-winning. So there.

Since I have absolutely nothing important to report to you at this time, here's a theme day. It's shitty, but who cares? This is a blog, not a self-help book.

Top Ten Tuesday

top ten things i like (right now):

1) swimming in the ocean
2) eating, drinking (beer), smoking (weed)
3) getting things in the mail (not bills)
4) sleeping in
5) people returning my calls
6) receiving personal emails (chain and group emails suck ass)
7) my blog and all my blog friends (so that's two things... they're totally related)
8) hearing a really great song that i've never heard before
9) going to live shows (smaller ones, not arena concerts)
10) hearing from people i haven't heard from in awhile

top ten things i don't like (currently):

1) liars, freeloaders, stupid people, opportunists, phonies
2) non-naturally occuring red hair (natural redheads? rawr. bottle redheads? meh.)
3) long toenails/fingernails
4) cuts of meat with high fat contents
5) paying a cover charge to get into a bar when there is no live band
6) people with stupid (meaningless) tattoos
7) poor spelling
8) bars that have dress codes (don't they know i always look hot, no matter what i wear?)
9) tight pants on men
10) tucking in shirts

you wanna fight, i'm gonna win

2005-01-10T08:16:00.000-08:00

Four types of people (and yes, there are only four types- don't even try to argue with me here):

1) a horrible person posing as a nice person

2) a nice person posing as a horrible person

3) a nice person not posing as anything

4) a horrible person not posing as anything

I sincerely hope you are not the first kind of person. And if you are? Die.

working on a mystery, going wherever it leads

2005-01-07T09:53:00.000-08:00

Today you can:

Recommend a movie for me to watch !
(try suggesting something off the beaten path, because i am overly critical of commercial releases unless they involve Bill Murray or Ben Stiller somehow... and if possible something that does not star Vince Vaughn in a lead role)

Now please read:

Ten Random Things

1) How come there aren't any sabre toothed tigers anymore? Did their diet consist of solely dinosaurs, and after the dinosaurs became extinct they had nothing to eat so they all starved to death? I mean, aren't sabre toothed tigers just a variety on regular tigers- just with way bigger teeth?

2) Books with happy endings are okay and all, but sometimes it's just more satisfying if someone dies, or loses all their possessions, or doesn't get the girl. A lot of happy endings seem too contrived, and it's like the author ran out of anything interesting to happen to the character so he/she just gets to live happily ever after. Boo.

3) I hate Vince Vaughn. I would not like to see a movie with him cast in the lead role. If I ever met him in real life, I'd probably kick his teeth in and run away.

4) Reason #3456789 that Napoleon Dynamite is the best movie ever: even the popular people are kind of ugly and have bad hair. And have super ugly boyfriends.

5) I resent the fact that I am not Sienna Miller.

6) If the plural of 'goose' is 'geese', then how come the plural of 'moose' is 'moose' and not 'meese'? Goddamned English language.

7) Where the hell are all my socks?

8) Normally in a group of friends, there is a token ugly person. But what happens in a group where everyone is ugly? How do they decided who is the 'token' person?

9) Why are potatoes called potatoes in English when they translate directly from French as being 'apples of the earth'?

10) If someone tells you it tastes like chicken, they're probably fucking lying.

you should learn when to go, you should learn how to say no

2005-01-06T09:18:00.000-08:00

To start the day off, I will need to answer the three questions posed to me by Cindy. She is asking them in return for me asking three questions on her blog, so I must oblige because I am a nice gal that way.

1. What's the best show you've ever seen live?

The best show I've ever seen live... wow, this is going to be a hard one because I've seen so many superb shows in my short life... I'm going to go for the three way tie here- just to be fair:

- Wilco at the Republik, because it was the first time I saw them live, and it happened to be in my favourite club of all time, and it was just a great show.

- Weezer at the MacEwan Hall Ballroom (old ballroom, not the new-fangled coolio mini-arena thing they have going now; not that any of these venues mean much to anyone, really), because that was back in the day before they got too big to play college shows. I was high on some really good acid that night, and the crowd was so amazing. It made me so goddamned proud to be a college student.

- Ben Harper at the Jack Singer Concert Hall. True, I've seen Ben shows since, but this was the first one I went to. And yes, it was in a stuffy Calgary symphony hall. But what was cool about it was when he sang 'Burn One Down', no one cared what the hell venue were in. Everyone in the audience (well, not really 'everyone', but a good portion of it) pulled out some kind of weed smoking paraphernalia and lit up. And the ushers totally let it happen. It was such a zen moment in the weirdest of ways.

2. What's your favorite movie to watch high?

Damn, these are good questions Cindy! I was going to say 'Lawnmower Man', but then I remembered that I didn't enjoy that; I just had a really bad trip and ran out of the movie theater. Uh, yeah... No, my favourite movie to watch while feeling the effects of the herb is actually 'Heathers'. Don't ask why- it's just that everytime I watch it I happen to be stoned out of my tree and it kind of works for me.

3. Do you expect to return to your "theme post days" -- Evil Fleecey, WWW, etc.? (just wondering, not complaining or anything)

You know what? I totally should go back to my theme days- I'd forgotten that was part of the charm of this place to begin with. I think that maybe tomorrow should be the return of Evil Parallel Dimension Friday. I'm down with that shit, yo.

* * * * * *

So, last night we had a few of bf's friends crash over at our house. I don't really care about the crashing part, since it's bound to happen when you live in a house that's pretty much central to everything. What bothers me is that this morning bf told me that no one chipped in for the pizza we got to eat last night. I am appalled, but I honestly can't say that I'm shocked into the bargain. Most of bf's friends are jobless because they are in school, or they just finished school and have no problem with living off mommy and daddy's money for the rest of their lives. So, this happens a whole lot. And it's bullshit. It's not like I'm a completely unsympathetic cow, because I understand about having limited funds, but when someone pulls out the plastic to pay for everything, it's just good manners to offer whatever little you have to chip in to the cause. At least that's what I was raised to do. But not these people. Not one person even asked how much the pizza ended up costing. At one point, one of the dudes went out to his car because he said he needed to get his wallet, and I thought, okay, that's good, but it turned out he just didn't want his wallet to get swiped from his car during the night, and he'd never had any intention of offering to pitch in some coin for dinner. One more beef I have (and I know not everyone agrees with me on this, but I fucking can't stand it); I think it's rude if someone sees a box of something (let's say they're chocolates) sitting under the coffee table, and says, 'Hey, are those chocolates?' and I say, 'Yes, they are' and they're all, 'Can I have one?' Okay, so the asking itself isn't the rude part, but when you're other peoples' house (and they're not your parents) I've always thought you should wait until you are offered something. Particularly if it's something that obviously was not bought specifically because people knew you were coming over. I mean, the fucking box of chocolates was UNDER the table. It's not like it was sitting on top of it with the lid open. So, I did what anyone with any kind of backbone would do; I told the guy asking for chocolate that they were on sale at Safeway still, and that Safeway was open until 11. This all makes me so glad that even though I don't see my friends as much as I'd like, at least they're all decent people. I wish that my boyfriend had more decent people as friends, because honestly? He's a lot better than what he's settling for and, frankly, I'm sick and tired of his shitty, freeloader pals taking advantage of him because he's such a nice guy.

when i went to school in olympia

2005-01-05T10:34:00.000-08:00

I want a girl, who will laugh for no one else
When I'm away she puts her makeup on the shelf
When I'm away she never leaves the house

We sing out loud because no one cares. Because we're fucking invincible, dude. Because it's summer. Because all we've got is beer and music. And goddammit, does everyone else suck. They don't know. They don't get what it's all about. But we do. It's all about trading in empties so we can go see a show. It's about sitting on the patio all day, philosophising with random strangers. It's the beer in my hand. It's how the steering wheel in my car rattles when I take it out on the highway. It's sitting in the fountain in front of Earl's in an inner tube. It's chain smoking and drinking wine to the sounds of Modest Mouse. It's sneaking in to the Weezer concert like no one's going to see you doing it. It's being obnoxious because it's so much funnier that way. It's what real friends are. It's what's still going to matter even when there are miles in between.

Robin Rockstar is moving back to the Tdot this summer. It's the end of an era, people. Sing along if you know the song.

the sea is foamin' like a bottle of beer
the wave is comin' but i ain't got no fear
i'm waxin' down so that i'll go real fast
i'm waxin' down because it's really a blast

i'm goin' surfin cuz i don't like your face
i'm bailin' out because i hate the race
of rats that run around and round in the maze
i'm goin' surfin', i'm goin' surfin'!

you take your car to work
i'll take my board
and when you run out of fuel i'm still afloat

my buddies and their honeys all come along
they seem invincible as they surf along
the sea is rollin' like a thousand pound keg
we're goin' surfin', we're goin' surfin!

you take your car to work
i'll take my board
and when you run out of fuel i'm still afloat

all along the undertow is strengthening its hold
i never thought it'd come to this
now i can never go home

you take your car to work
i'll take my board
and when you run out of fuel i'm still afloat

you take your car
i'll take my board
you take your car
i'll take my board

let's go!

she is famous, she is funny

2005-01-04T09:27:00.000-08:00

So... long time no post, huh? Happy new year, everyone! Truth is, it kind of feels exactly the same as last year at this very time, down to the snow and the cold. Well, except that I'm not driving the crapmobile anymore, and that I'm only about half as broke as I was last year. But who cares about the little shitty details, right? I didn't do much over the holidays. I slept A LOT, and I consumed a fair amount of booze and food (and very, very few vegetables- regretting that now). I learned how to knit in one hour, and now am knitting a highly ramshackle (can that be used in this case???) scarf. I watched Napoleon Dynamite four times while we had the DVD rented. I was supposed to get it and Shaun of the Dead for my b-day, but they were all sold out everywhere, and bf called every fucking video store in the Cowtown to no avail. Oh well, he says I still get them eventually. Woohoo. I liked Garden State after I finally saw it, but I think the ending was a little drawn out and contrived. Still, I quite enjoyed it, and I absolutely loved the Natalie Portman character. I should write endings to movies- I think I have a knack for it. I also watched the weirdest DVD ever called The Saddest Music In The World. The weirdest, but a really good story. It was all shot in black and white and looked all old-movie-ish (y'know, a tad out of focus and shit). And the Baroness had glass legs filled with beer. Mmmm. Beer. New Year's Eve? Uneventful. It was goddamned cold out, and no one was doing anything cool. Could've gone out to the freebies at the bar, but I just wasn't in the mood to sit around for seven hours and pay per drink just for one second when the clock hits midnight, and everyone is all happy new year! i'm gonna hug you even though i have no clue who you are, and i'm super drunk, and my breath smells like... i don't even know. but happy new year, stranger! It was good to sit at home watching Anchorman and to get a kiss at midnight, and then be able to crawl right into bed without having to wait for the taxi that never comes because it's too busy to be calling cabs on NYE, and you really should fucking know better than to try.

Wow, all rambling and very little sense. Well, that's my attempt at telling you what I got up to over the past while. I'll be coherent again tomorrow. Count on it.

jingle bells, batman smells

2004-12-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

ILJ will be back on January 4th. Until then, don't forget to send me a lump of coal or two, and please drink as much as you can so that I can read about all the lounge actery. And do try to drop by on December 30th to extend birthday greetings (but if you don't, it's not like I'll be sober enough to get down to the post office to send you anthrax). Have a good one.

2004-12-21T14:18:00.000-08:00

As you undoubtedly know by now, there is a mass tragedy going on here at ILJ. A tragedy in the form of Terrell Owens' broken leg. I'm not giving up hope of a Superbowl just yet, but this makes it just that extra bit tougher. And if you laugh about this? I will totally hunt you down, hog-tie you, then drive you out into the middle of nowhere- and I mean ASSFUCK NOWHERE- and leave you to be consumed by wolves and bears.

in this reflection even angels fall

2004-12-21T11:26:00.000-08:00

There are a couple of things about myself that I thought would have changed by now, but since they haven't, I'm starting to panic a little.

The first thing: my feelings about having kids. Now here's the thing; I've never liked kids. Never. Not even when I was one. In my eyes, babies are only cute in pictures, not when they are crying their tiny fucking heads off to be fed at some godforsaken hour in the morning, or when they need to changed (I wouldn't touch a dirty diaper with a ten foot pole- I am afraid of shit), or when they need to be held. People keep talking about 'maternal instinct' and this 'biological clock' thingie. Okay, maternal instinct? Maybe towards cats and dogs. Biological clock? Mine is either busted, or I was just overlooked when they were being handed out. Whichever one it is, kids do absolutely nothing for me. They may as well be mosquitoes.

The second thing is my complete lack of interest in having a career. Well, a career in the sense of working for a company for 20+ years to earn my bread. To me, doing one single thing for the rest of my existance on this planet would be the equivalent of being enslaved. I'm the kind of person who does what she's doing while it suits her. With me, the grass is always greener on the other side, and I have a feeling it will always be that way. No matter how much people shake their heads and talk behind my back about 'the girl with her head in clouds; thinks she's gonna be somebody'.

Maybe that's just it. Maybe somewhere in my tiny little heart I know I'm gonna be somebody. Maybe that's my only goal in this bizarre life that's been handed to me on an aluminum platter. And I don't think it's stupid because I've had complete strangers come up to me and tell me that they know something big is going to happen for me- that it's in my eyes. And maybe that's why I put things like children and careers on the back burner; because maybe someday I'll want them (or maybe not), but today isn't someday.

but you're always on tour, and you're never home

2004-12-20T12:31:00.000-08:00

Does anybody care that I completely suck at GTA: San Andreas? Didn't think so. Whatever- just understand that this is my first time in years playing a game that doesn't involve a keyboard and mouse. I'm way out of practice.

Ten Random Things To Do During The Holidays Just Because You Can

1) Drop in unannounced at friends' houses and make them feel guilty enough to cook you a decent meal. It works most of the time.

2) Exchange all the crappy stuff you get (because it's the thought that counts, and obviously no one thinks very much of you) for the all the stuff you actually want. Let everybody know that this is what you are doing, and that they'd better pay closer attention so the same thing doesn't have to happen next year.

3) If you're not into commercialism in the least, sneak into peoples' houses to steal trees and gifts for burning later. This works best if you target the rich neighbourhoods, since they have more shit.

4) For those of you living in parts of the world where it snows, build a giant snowman in the driveway of the neighbours you hate. Why? Just because it's funny.

5) Listen to someone's sob story about why they absolutely have to buy the gift you are holding in your hands for somebody (the very last one of its kind, no less), feign sympathy and pretend to want to let them have it, then shrug and say, 'Tough. You should have started shopping in October if you needed this so fucking badly.'

6) Tell every kid under the age of six that Santa Claus doesn't exist.

7) Dress up like a reindeer and run through the streets frantically, creating traffic chaos.

8) When someone wishes you 'Merry Christmas', give them a shocked look and say, 'Oh crap! Is it Christmas already? I had no idea!'

9) Fly out to an island in the tropics, because you and I both know that Christmas is the biggest annual disappointment, next to New Year's eve.

10) In lieu of gifts, give everybody you know a lump of coal. God knows they'll appreciate it more than those stupid scented candles you were originally going to give them.

running on empty

2004-12-16T11:30:00.000-08:00

In typical fashion, I am fucking swamped at work and have no time to come up with a real post. Also, nothing fun or cool has happened in the past while, so in lieu of regaling you with the lack of excitement in my boring life, I present to you something I so blatantly stole from Cindy. She's cool, though, so I'm pretty sure she doesn't mind. Y'know... I got nothin'.

Three Names I Go By:
1. satan
2. fucker
3. bitch

Three Screennames I Have:
1. stoked
2. actually, i think that's it... unless i have a screen name i don't know about

Three Things I Like About Myself:
1. that i'm smart
2. my musical ability
3. my hair

Three Things I Hate/Dislike About Myself:
1. that i'm a fucking tub
2. my selfish nature
3. my complete and utter lack of ambition

Three Parts Of My Heritage:
1. indonesian
2. dutch
3. chinese

Three Things That Scare Me:
1. stupid people
2. turning into a boring person
3. being stuck someplace i hate my whole life

Three Of My Everyday Essentials:
1. some kind of lip gloss
2. an episode of 'buffy'
3. water

Three Things I Am Wearing Right Now:
1. my 'california: golden state' t-shirt
2. my adidas shell-toe sneakers with the pink hologram stripes
3. a sneer

Three Of My Favorite Bands/Artists:
1. tom waits
2. modest mouse
3. weezer

Three Of My Favorite Songs At Present (like anyone would even know these):
1. the mood- ditchrider
2. swing, swing- all american rejects
3. no sissies- hawksley workman

Three New Things I Want To Try In The Next 12 Months:
1. boxing (seriously, with the red gloves y'all)
2. actually losing weight
3. being nice to people

Three Things I Want In A Relationship (love is a given):
1. thoughtfulness
2. trust
3. sex

Two Truths And A Lie:
1. i totally did not take a shower this morning
2. i ate a pumpkin bagel for breakfast
3. i put a bomb in my work building and blew it up, so i'm typing this at home

Three Physical Things About The Opposite Sex That Appeal To Me:
1. eyes
2. smile
3. height (not into short dudes... sorry)

Three Things I Just Cannot Do:
1. cook something that anyone other than myself would actually eat
2. cheer for the green bay packers
3. drive the speed limit or under

Three Of My Favorite Hobbies:
1. drinking
2. reading
3. sitting around with friends and commenting on the ugly things people are wearing (trust me- it's a hobby)

Three Things I Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1. drink beer
2. go home
3. go home and drink beer

Three Careers I Am Considering:
1. rockstar
2. pub owner
3. wealthy layabout

Three Places I Want To Go On Vacation:
1. mars
2. anywhere where it's hot and beach-laden
3. see above

Three Kids Names
1. since i am only going to have two kids (if i decide to have 'em at all), and since i don't spend my time thinking about having kids... i'm not going to answer this one

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. write a book
2. win the lottery
3. go around giving kidney shots to everyone still alive who i can't stand

how soon is now?

2004-12-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just wake up and know you're destined for better things than whatever it is that you're currently stuck doing? I do everyday. So, if that's the way you feel, do you just not show up at work and become a rockstar? I'm this close. It's my stupid gut feelings again- telling me that something big is going to happen for me, and why the fuck am I not letting it? Not sure. Maybe because I know I'm destined for something great, but for the moment I'm not ready to give up financial stability... even if it won't be forever. Sometimes I wish I could just murder the voice of reason and get on with it.

scrooged

2004-12-13T14:34:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted anything *nice* or *meaningful* in a long time, but Christmas puts me in a bad mood sometimes. I blame it all on the little utopia I have going on inside my head about how Christmas should be. And because this utopian-version and the real-life version are completely different? It's easy for me to find *a few* things to hate about the holidays.

I hate it when people ask me if I already have a tree. No, I do not, and I am not getting one. I leave that to my parents; you know, the ones who own a house big enough to accomodate a tree. I hate it when people ask me what I want for Christmas. Where do I start with that one? I want fucking world peace. I want poor, starving, AIDS-infected orphans in third world countries to magically become healthy again, become educated, and live incredible lives. I want stupid people to become intelligent overnight. I want to win the lottery so I no longer have to be in debt. I want people to stop abusing animals. I want people to stop abusing people. I want to be a better person. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I hate it when people thank me for a gift, but I can tell that they're disappointed. Fuck you. Gifts aren't even all that important anyway, so consider yourself lucky that at least I gave enough of a shit to get you anything at all. There are lots of people who have no one, and that's got to hurt a hell of a lot worse than not getting the exact gift that you wanted. I hate it when people use Christmas as an excuse to do be charitable, when there are 364 whole other days during the year to be charitable in. 'Oh, it's Christmas. Sure, I'll give some money to the poor.' Okay, news flash? The poor? They're kind of poor year-round. And it's not like your goddamned one dollar per year is going to help them all that much. At least if you gave a dollar every month I'd have more respect for you, or if you didn't give at all because you know you can't afford to. But you're either all in or all out. No one likes a tease.

But you know, I suppose there are things about Christmas that are kind of cool, like the lights, and the music, and the food. Even if the lights eventually hurt your eyes, and the music gives you a headache, and the food makes you fat.

down in the underground, a land serene and crystal

2004-12-09T10:51:00.000-08:00

Thoughts for the day...

If someone is a horrible and miserable person and they die (accidental, from a disease, someone kills them, whatever), is it okay to secretly (or publicly, if you are not so inclined to be secretive about things) be happy about it? I mean, I think I'll be quite glad to see Scott Peterson die... sure, his family is all crying and begging for his life to be spared, and saying that 'this family will be lost if he dies', but seriously, 'lost'? What about the fact that he killed his wife and their unborn child? That's the family that was 'lost'- at his hands.
I tend to believe that under certain circumstances, yes, it is quite alright to be happy when someone's life comes to an end. Just not if they are good people or defenseless children. Being happy about the deaths of either of those is likely to make you a social pariah.

I actually don't much like winter at all. I like skiing, but I refuse to go if the weather is 30 degrees below freezing. On second thought, it isn't that I don't like winter... I think I actually hate it. I can't stand driving on black ice, and shovelling the walk makes me want to pitch the shovel at someone's head. Winter clothing is cute, but it makes me sweat like a pig... and that is decidely un-cute. I do not like having to wake up earlier to scrape frost (it's more like icebergs) off of my windshield so that I can actually see where the hell I'm going, whilst barrelling down the streets en route to my place of employment. I blame this on my parents being born in a tropical country and me inheriting their genes, thus, making me completely unsuited to winter, despite growing up in a part of the world where winter exists for at least 6 months out of the year (if I should be so lucky).

Why the fuck are Oompa Loompas orange?

Are you a person who owns a dog, spends little to no time with it, and keeps it chained up in the yard, as it howls pitiously through the night hoping to be comforted? If you happen to be such an individual, please know that I sincerely hope you contract West Nile virus and perish. If not West Nile, then Ebola is a highly acceptable substitute.

The air-freshener in my car is meant to smell like 'ocean breeze'. In my (not so) humble opinion, the smell is more reminiscent of green tea. This bothers me not one iota.

The conclusion I draw from this little blurb? I think too much, and could possibly stand to gain something from a lobotomy.
Have a good one.

but somebody stole my elephant

2004-12-08T10:54:00.000-08:00

The baby elephant died. I am very sad about it.

Also, my birthday is in three weeks. Please buy me either this or this. But if both of those things are too expensive, then just get me this instead.

i tattooed an anchor right beside your name

2004-12-06T10:38:00.000-08:00

It's the Philadelphia Eagles Fight Song (I am posting this especially for Paulzy, in light of his Packers being trampled in yesterday's game)! But enough with the gloating, and on with today's post, which will commence after the italic font ends...

The love of my life has always been the ocean. I am sure some of you may have gathered this from the random posts about surfing, and the times when I lived on the coast, and the fact that I am in the long and difficult process of convincing the Boy that we ought to move to Victoria. I first saw the ocean when I was 8 years old, and as a girl who had grown up in a landlocked city near the mountains, I was rendered speechless. Here was this great, briny, shining blue thing, that extended from the tips of my toes to, seemingly, eternity. The water was cold and deep, and yet it called to me. From that day, it had a hold on me like nothing else. It was what saw me sneaking off to California at 15 to learn how to surf. It was what made me work on Cruise ships for many years. It was what had me taking most of my holidays in beach towns, and trying various times to make a living on the West Coast. You see, I adore the mountains. The mountains and I are kind of like old pals. I grew up around them, and I find a lot of enjoyment in taking long hikes through the forests in the summertime, and crashing precariously down the snowy slopes on skis in the winter. But it is the ocean that has my soul. To me there is an infinite amount of comfort in sitting on a beach in the salty air as the the sun falls beneath the horizon. There is something therapeutic about going for runs along the shore, while your feet get wet in the surf. It's not that the mountains don't have a magic to them- but it is the magic of the ocean that somehow holds more appeal. I have more of a bond with the ocean, and I know it is why I will have to leave this city one day. Because the ocean beckons me, and in small, perhaps somewhat calculated steps, I am compelled to follow.

remember when i used to be dope?

2004-12-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

I will return next week, seeing as how I have nothing to say right now.
Here are some pics to keep you entertained.

the sea is foaming like a bottle of beer

2004-12-01T12:19:00.000-08:00

I apologize (well... not exactly 'apologize', since we are all aware of what my stance is about apologies, but you know what I'm getting at) for the lack of a real post, but I'm really busy at work since the boss man is away at a conference, plus I just picked the December 'Surfer', and would kinda rather read the interview with Mark Occhilupo than blog. And since I included that link, you too can read what I read... but it kind helps if you like surfing and know who the shit Occy is. Yes, I am aware that I live in a landlocked city, and that I haven't surfed in... oh, well, it's been a long time. Whatever. If I lived by a ocean it would be my main hobby (even though I suck at it, much like I do at various other sports, except for plain 'ol swimming). So there. Now, if you don't mind, I need to get back to the surf rag, and the can of sardines that is my lunch. I'll catch you all later.

(yes, i realize that the surfer in this picture is not, in fact, mark occhilupo, but bruce irons. not that this will actually matter to most of you.)

you've got a strange effect on me

2004-11-29T14:18:00.000-08:00

I always think it's kind of amusing when people end up at my blog whilst googling my ex in combination with the bar he works at on the web. Dude, you're not going to find him here. Really. I think I've only mentioned his name once, and any other time I've only used an initial. I never use last names here, so you're not going to find out any additional information on him by perusing the archives, other than the story of how we got together, or me talking about why we broke up. I talk about the Ship lots, but those are mostly just stories about nights of heavy drinking, and the mayhem that ensued. My ex is the kind of guy who likes to keep it as simple as possible, so he doesn't own a computer or use the internet at all. Seriously- he has no email address, and still communicates with people via snail mail and phone (land line- he doesn't like cellphones). So basically, you're not going to find out much about him on the internet. Plus, I'm pretty sure he doesn't like stalkers so much. So, if you've ended up here at ILJ looking for him? Sorry, I can't really help you much. Good luck with that.

f-u-c-k: just a small tribute

2004-11-25T10:53:00.000-08:00

Where would I be without the word 'fuck'? Where would anybody be, for that matter? It's such a versatile term, despite it being a mere four letters long, used in many different ways on a daily basis (unless, of course, you still live with mommy and daddy, and they repeatedly tell you that if you swear, you are going to hell beyond a doubt, which is complete bullshit because there is no heaven or hell, but you totally still believe that both exist since you are obviously not old enough or smart enough to have a mind of your own- but this is so not the point). You can use it in times of celebration: Happy fucking birthday, dude! You can use it in times when you feel like banging your head against a wall, and don't much care if your skull gets smashed and brain matter leaks out (okay...ew): What the fuck? Why can't I fucking make this work? Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!!! You can use it as abuse towards those you do not like, or at least do not favour at that point in time: Fuck you, motherfucker! You can even use it as a sleazy device for picking up dudes/chicks at the bar: Hey, those are nice shoes. Wanna fuck? Saying 'oh, fuck' sounds way cooler and more ghetto than saying 'oh, shit'. Don't get me wrong, I am totally for the use of 'shit', but let's face the facts. 'Fuck' is on a way higher plain than 'shit'. And at the end of the day, shit is still what you flush down the toilet, so 'fuck' wins hands down when it comes to the coolness factor. And there you have it. Without 'fuck', life would be devoid of all meaning. Well, it kind of seems that my life would be, anyhow. So, go find some booze and a glass of some sort (if you're at work and don't have booze or a glass, I'm sure that a bucket full of some noxious chemical in liquid form will do the trick... oh, but if you do that, don't forget to call an ambulance in advance, because I guarantee that you are going to need it) and make a toast to the word 'fuck'. Mine is as follows:

Here's to 'fuck'- getting people fired, punched in the face, and layed since whenever the hell the word was invented.

Now, fuck off and get back to work, slackers.

it's in the whites of my eyes

2004-11-24T12:18:00.000-08:00

Ten Weird Words And What They Mean

1) Deasil: clockwise (sounds like 'weasel')

2) Gaberlunzie: a beggar (hobo, bum)

3) Houghmagandy: adulterous sexual intercourse (exactly what it sounded like it might be)

4) Mundungus: rubbish or refuse

5) Panjandrum: a mock title for a person, real or imaginary, who has or, claims to have, great influence or authority

6) Adipocere: post-mortem waxy fat (fact: human fat never dries up)

7) Blatherskite: a noisy talker of blatant rubbish; foolish talk or nonsense

8) Contumely: insolent or insulting language or treatment

9) Droogish: relating to the nature or attitudes of a member of a street gang

10) Floccinaucinihilipilification: the action or habit of judging something to be worthless (yeah, don't worry, i can't pronounce it properly either)

is that you, baby, or just a brilliant disguise

2004-11-22T09:36:00.000-08:00

Is it okay to ask for money back that someone owes you, even if you know they are not currently employed? Especially if it's just a stupid small amount like... say... 7 bucks? Yes? That's what I thought. I think it's especially okay if the person owing the money in question comes to town (not even my friend, mind you,) and just wants to go out drinking, but when you show up at the bar after some hard core birthday drinking with one of your best friends, he doesn't even offer to buy your beer or anything. Fucking freeloading little shit (who still lives with his folks, and gets home cooked meals every-single-goddamned-night, natch).

So, yeah. This is my latest giant pet peeve. Freeloaders. Of course we've probably covered this before, here in the kingdom of reiteration, but freeloading has turned into a close second to my number one pet peeve; stupidity. I definitely think it's okay if once in awhile somebody turns up and you pay for their dinner and drinks and shit like that, but when it becomes a habit akin to a bad rash, some changes need to happen. Freeloading is an art form. Really, it is. Freeloaders know what cards to play for sympathy, and they naturally always play these cards to the biggest bleeding hearts that they know. I am not one of them, and am not easily fooled by these cunning beasts. Like, the person in question in the foreword of this post. He knows how to come across as completely pathetic, and overly kind individuals fall for it every time. Take the one approach proffered by this guy, that he constantly uses: the 'my mom died approach'. Problem is, his mom died when he was still a little kid, and since it is now at least 20 or so years later, that is a very dirty tactic. Maybe I could understand if his mother passed away very recently (like my friend's cousins; their father died not even a year ago, and the 19-year-old boy is now the main provider for the family, with two 18-year-old sisters and a mother to support), but I don't think it's cool to use something that happened years ago to garner pity from others. To add fuel to the fire, he also has a terrible habit of going to visit friends when he doesn't have two cents to rub together, and because he's already made the long drive, they feel obligated to pay for his share of drinks at the bar. And me? I don't give a rat's ass how far you had to drive to come and visit me, but you'd better at least have a motherfucking credit card when you get here. And I don't care if you lost your wallet somewhere. 'Lost' does not equal 'stolen', therefore, it was your fault and I do not feel bad for you in the least. I don't care if your dad died when you were 5. You're 27 now; you've had 22 years to get over it and get on with your life. So, here's how it works in real life, freeloading pond scum. If you show up at my house broke and hungry? I ain't taking you out for no dinner. There's some KD in the cupboard, and you're more than welcome to it. If you show up at my house and you have no money because you spaced out and left your wallet somewhere, but you were really, REALLY excited to go out drinking? Well, dude, sorry about your wallet, but you need to PAY MORE ATTENTION TO WHERE THE HELL YOU SET YOUR WALLET DOWN. As for the drinking? You still want to go out? Nice try. I'll spot you a twenty if you go to the liquor store and pick up a case of O'Keefe's Extra Old Stock. Don't like that brand of beer? Of course not- no one does. It's bloody cheap, though. Oh, and that long face because your life really sucked two decades ago? Give me a break. Save the act for someone who buys it, because I call bullshit. I'm smart like that.

the killer in me is the killer in you

2004-11-19T10:51:00.000-08:00

While watching The Apprentice last night (if you don't watch The Apprentice, don't worry, this post isn't all about the show), I got to thinking that some people are just horrible for the sake of being horrible. You know the kind of people I'm talking about. The ones who borrow money from you, and then you see them at the bar buying drinks for other people. The ones who take credit for ideas that aren't even theirs without feeling any guilt. The ones who blame others for their personal failings. The ones who don't think it's enough to just dislike someone, so they have to go out of their way to make the person miserable. These are all examples of horrible people. And maybe it's not that they're just horrible for the sake of being horrible, but that they have such low self esteem that they feel the need to take it out on the people around them. So, here's what I have to say to all horrible people. Fucking get over it. If your life sucks that much? Do something about it instead of blaming other people for whatever it is that's wrong with you. Oh, and stay the hell away from me, because you're most likely going to bring bad karma. Ugh... sometimes thinking about stuff like this is almost enough to make me renounce my pacifist ways forever, because for some losers, a good shot to the temple is probably the only workable solution. Seriously, do not fuck with me, because push me too far, and I honestly would say 'Screw this pacifist shit, let's get down to the nine rounds of boxing. Bareknuckle.'

fuck me up, steal my records

2004-11-18T11:45:00.000-08:00

Ten Random Things

1) I actually ate breakfast today, but for some reason I am hungrier than normal. When I skip out on breakfast, I'm never hungry until noon. Weird.

2) Hating people just because you can is cool. And then when they ask you what they've done to make you hate them, you can tell them, 'Nothing. I just hate you is all.'

3) I like indifference. It makes people ask fewer questions.

4) Notice that I used 'fewer' as opposed to 'less' in 3) because it is correct. Don't you just love it when I throw in a random lesson in grammar just because I think I'm better than everybody?

5) I don't think it's rude if someone drops by my house unannounced, and I keep doing whatever I was doing as though the person isn't there. I mean, shit, I have stuff to do, so maybe it's just good manners to phone ahead and make sure I can accomodate your stopping by for no particular reason.

6) If I am the one who has to buy toilet paper *yet again*, I'm going to fucking hide it in the trunk of my car, and stash the keys up my ass.

7) Explain to me again how babies are supposedly just as cute as puppies- I don't get it.

8) If you are drinking something at a bar that they call 'home brew', here's the deal. It's just the beer left in the bottoms of various kegs, combined and sold in pitchers. I'm fucking serious. The giveaway is that it costs less than $10, and they keep bringing you new pitchers even if you didn't ask for any.

9) They're not so much my 'friends' as they are my 'entourage'.

10) I'm very annoyed that yesterday it took me three trips down the same aisle at Safeway for me to find what it was that I was looking for. I'm such an asstard sometimes.

i'll be the flowers after you're dead

2004-11-17T11:31:00.000-08:00

I'm going to go see The Black Rider. Cool, no? I used to complain that none of the theatre companies in Cowtown ever did anything cool, but they're quickly learning what it is the people want to see. For anybody who's never really gotten into Tom Waits, I suggest you give him a listen. His more recent stuff can be a little difficult, but it's brilliant nonetheless. I'm not saying that you will definitely love it, but it's worth a shot.

So, I joined Blog Explosion because I was lacking things to do on some day or other, and to be honest with you? Meh... I really kind of don't get this whole 'blog popularity contest' going on. I mean, I definitely don't get the 30 comments plus per day that some people do, and I probably lose a lot of readers with my ranting, and just being plain little and mean, but I'm actually pretty happy with the amount of traffic I get here without random people stopping in and never coming back (like people who drink at your bar once, and then never become regulars- assholes). I like my ten or so faithful readers out there in blogland (it's probably less than that, really, but who's counting?), and I don't actually give a shit whether or not people comment on my posts. Sometimes there just isn't anything to say- especially if you read something and you just get it. No comments need to be made. If something I wrote made you smile (or laugh at my obvious insanity), then that's fucking great. I don't get insulted if I link someone and they don't link me back. I mean, maybe I'm not one of their daily reads- it happens. But it doesn't mean that I will cease to link to their site because they don't read all the worthless tripe that goes on here at ILJ. That's so 6th grade, and I am way over it. I am not the only one who thinks this way, either. I don't take anything personally in blogworld, and I definitely don't understand why people are so goddamned concerned with how many incoming links there are to their blog. It's not fucking high school, and besides, the popular people are now all super fat with three or more kids (karma sucks, dude). I think it's way more insulting if someone links you and never reads the drivel you work *ever so hard* to spew forth on a daily basis. It feels like the hot football player who signed your 12th grade yearbook, but when you go back and read what he wrote, it says To Charlene, and your name is actually Carol. Anyway, what the crap was the point? Oh yeah. Blog Explosion is just a ruse. It's an intelligently put together tool to suck in people who want their blogs to be loved and revered by the masses. To put it bluntly? It's blog crack, and kind of a waste of my time. Oh yeah, and if you feel insulted by this post? It's not like it was directed at anyone in particular. Personal vendettas are just not up my alley.

n***a please

2004-11-16T10:48:00.000-08:00

8-1 record for the Eagles? That's just good shit, dude. Not that anybody but me cares or anything.

I don't like to regret things, so I just don't. People make the decisions they do for a reason, and I find it stupid to all of a sudden feel guilt over something that I've done consciously (you know, without a gun being held to my head and all). If I am particularly harsh with someone on some occasion, I don't spend a lot of time moping around and thinking I've hurt their feelings beyond repair. Because I haven't. People need to be put in their place every once in awhile, otherwise they are unlikely to learn any lessons. I rarely apologize for my actions, and I never apologize for my words. To me, apologies can sometimes be a lot like self-doubt. If you know you are in the wrong, you will be unlikely to do certain things. And if you do these certain things? You most probably firmly believe you are correct in your actions. I mean, unless something happens that is completely beyond your control. That is just an accident. But you still wouldn't have to apologize, since saying sorry over something that is obviously accidental is... well, quite frankly, kind of dumb. Why would you want to apologize for something that wasn't your fault to begin with? Just how fucking low is your self esteem anyway? So, there is no point to this little blurb other than for me to let you know (maybe it's for the second time) that I think regrets and apologies are for self-flogging pussies. You know I'm right.

summer time, the nights are so long

2004-11-10T13:33:00.000-08:00

I meant to post four hours ago, but you know how it is. Work and all. I can't remember what exactly it was I was meaning to write about, so instead, here's Weird Word Wednesday (because I haven't done one in a really long time).

Ten Weird Words And What They Mean

1) abapical: at the lowest point (figuratively or literally?)
2) baetyl: magical or holy meteoric stone (like Kryptonite?)
3) cadge: to beg or sponge from another
4) darbies: handcuffs
5) eclosion: emergence, as from a larva or egg
6) fardel: anything cumbersome or irksome (humans included, I am assuming)
7) gallionic: uncaring; indifferent (just like me)
8) halieutics: study of fishing (someone needs a hobby)
9) ignivomous: vomiting or spewing forth fire
10) jocko: a chimpanzee ('jocko'...? okay, whatever)

can you help me find a way to carry on again

2004-11-09T11:06:00.000-08:00

I thought I wanted to post something, but it turns out I really don't want to. Maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow's another day, after all.

you took away everything i had, you put the hurt on me

2004-11-08T08:53:00.000-08:00

Well, what is there to say? The Eagles got trampled by the Steelers. I mean, 27-3? What the hell? I suppose that after a 7-game winning streak, they can afford to lose that one. Even if it sucks.

To be completely random (and, really, more because my weekend was void of excitement- well, you know that actually translates to 'void of alcohol abuse'), have you ever just sat around and paid really close attention to the way people laugh? There are some laughs that can't even really be called 'laughs' in the traditional sense; mainly because they sound more like the mating call of some water fowl or other. There are laughs that make you laugh too, not because you're laughing at the person, but because their laughter is rather infectious. Some people laugh quietly (it's kind of a sniffing sound), others laugh like goddamned Santa Claus (yeah... because he exists...), and some laughter consists mainly of the person's body shaking uncontrollably (which, by the way, is super, SUPER bizarre). Then you have the kind of laughter that when you hear it, you just want to walk over and fucking slap the person making the sound. You know what I'm talking about; the kind of laugh that bears a close resemblance to the shrieking of a monkey- high pitched, and loud enough to bust your eardrums. Dude, that is NOT an acceptable laugh. It is a reason for me to pretend that we do not know eachother in public. It is a reason for me to try and smother you with a pillow in private. Respectable people do not laugh like crazed primates... ever. So, if you ever happen to laugh like that in my presence? I probably won't hesitate to punch you in the face. But if I do hesitate? Run. Like. Hell.

jaws clenched tight, we talked all night

2004-11-05T09:51:00.000-08:00

It's becoming more and more evident to me that I've more or less outgrown this city. Not that I don't love it here- it's where I grew up, a lot of what I know is here, it's easy to get around, it's relatively clean- it's that I've come to the realization that just because it's what I know, it doesn't necessarily mean it's mine anymore. I mean, I've always known I probably wouldn't be in Cowtown forever. Last year, I was on the verge of buying real estate in town, but changed my mind in the end. Buying a residence somewhere is like sealing the deal that you're going to stick around for a long time... and I can't do that. Maybe I used to think that I'd want to stay put because most of my friends are here, and I don't think they have any intention of ever leaving, but what kind of person would I be if I always made decisions based on other people? That's not who I am. I am the girl who tried to move to Vancouver three times (albeit, unsuccessfully, but that is not the point here) on my own, with help from no one. I am the kind of person who has no qualms about going out by myself because sometimes, you just want to go out and why should you end up sitting around at home just because you can't find anyone who wants to come with you? I pretty much do whatever I want to just because I can. You see, I am not tied down by loyalty in the least. Other peoples' opinions matter to me, but not so much if they compromise my way of life. Friends can always come visit. You can always fly home for the holidays, and write letters and send pictures. I'm just finally ready for something else in my life. I don't want to become like everyone I know who's stayed here because they were too afraid to find out what might happen if they left. But that won't happen to me because, unlike them, I'm not afraid. I mean, it's really all about testing the waters. And if it doesn't work out? At least I can say that I tried. But I have a good feeling about things this time. For once in my life I'm optimistic that this time I really am going to find freedom and peace of mind. Okay, since I actually despise the word 'optimism'? Let's just leave it at: There's something good ahead. I can just tell.

[but i'm totally still stuck here for at least another year and a bit. my job contract isn't up until next november, and my car lease doesn't run out until 2006.]

if you tell me that you'll wait for me, i'll say i won't be here

2004-11-04T09:34:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling quite low-spirited these days, and my mood gets worse and worse with the approach of Christmas. Yes, I am one of those cantankerous individuals who despises that holiday, simply for the fact that it is such a capitalistic shit show. Not that I'm all 'capitalism sucks', or anything, but every Xmas my friends seem overly concerned about the whole 'gift' aspect of it all. Yeah, so, it's totally my own fucking fault for having materialistic friends. That's not the point. The point is, isn't the 'gift' the time you get to spend with your friends and family? It's even more disconcerting that I still know people who give their parents 'Christmas lists'. What the hell? 28-year-olds who are completely independant, and yet still ask for shit from their poor folks for Christmas? I get enraged thinking about it. The last time I actually made a list of stuff I wanted from the folks for the 'Capitalist-Get-Fat-And-Dance-Around-A-Pine-Tree' holiday... I was 14 years old. And no, I am not kidding. Why should I ask them for stuff? They let me live in their house for years, and never made me pay rent, buy food, or clean up messes I didn't make. They paid for music lessons, dental work, and even car insurance. They made sure I had a good life. So, I stopped asking for gifts. It's up to them what they want to get me, and if they don't get me anything at all, that doesn't bother me in the least. So... where was I before I went off on a tangent? Oh yeah, the whole 'gift' thing. Save your goddamned money. Bake some cookies, and have your friends over to partake in a nice bottle of wine, instead. Make dinner for mom and dad, because god knows how many times they had to cook for your ungrateful ass over the years. You know, the people in your life are way more important than the dust-collectors the people in your life could potentially buy for you.

Ten Random Things

1) Pachelbel's Canon is playing on the radio. For most classically trained musicians, this is a nightmare. It conjures memories of endless wedding gigs. I want to bang my head against the wall right now.

2) When you've been with someone for almost two years, is it a bad sign that they still refer to many things as 'mine', and almost nothing as 'ours'?

3) It really bugs me when I meet someone who I think is pretty cool, but then I meet all of his/her friends and realize that they are just slight variations on one another. I would hate to hang out with a group of people who were all almost exactly like me. It would creep me the hell out.

4) You know what sucks ass? When you're finally introduced to someone that you've only ever heard about before, and everybody has always made them sound so cool, but you find that you don't care for them at all. So fucking awkward.

5) My hair is so greasy right now. Yuck.

6) I cannot stand when people preach to me about drinking too much or smoking weed, just because they don't do either thing. Okay, dude, nobody died because of my vices. And besides, I never complain to you that you're a self-righteous fuck. Back the hell off.

7) Have you ever just picked up and moved because one day you just had nothing better to do? I haven't done it yet, but it seems like a really random, messed-up thing to do.

8) There's nothing like seeing the guy you had a fling with four years ago (when you were 24 and he had just turned 20) at a bar, and he STILL gives you a second and third look. I've fucking still got it.

9) Answering an open-ended question with a 'yes' or 'no' because you were zoned out and not paying attention in the least? Not a good thing.

10) Right now I am craving a can of O'Keefe's Extra Old Stock. Actually, more like a six pack. Yeah, I know. Gross. Don't even bother to ask.

take a look around you, boy, it's bound to scare you, boy

2004-11-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

Well... I didn't vote for him. I couldn't have voted for him- I'm fucking Canadian.

and all the perfect words, they seem so wrong

2004-11-02T12:48:00.000-08:00

Yay! The furnace is fixed! The Boy called me at work to let me know that furnace dude (well, hey, I don't know what the official title is) came by at 8:30 this morning, and we now have heat. We're out $520... but we have heat. Heat!

Update on the J situation? There is no update- I haven't called yet. Give me time- it'll happen.

Sorry I'm so boring today; it's my first day eating french fries in over a month. My friend lost the bet, by the way, and now owes me dinner at the restaurant of my choice. Maybe I'll be a jerk and pick an oyster bar. I'm so good at winning bets... it would help if everybody I knew didn't have such a huge lack of willpower.

Guess what... it's only Tuesday.

Happy voting.

sitting here with a loaded gun; with my back to the sun

2004-11-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

Those goddamned alcoholics and their drunk posts, hey? How's it going? I'm doing... relatively shitty. The furnace is broken, my nose is all stuffed up, and I have to sit here and try to work. Yeah... we all know how well that's going to go... I'd blog about Halloween and all, but really, I can tell you everything in one sentence. I got super drunk really early, I took no pictures, I walked home in heels because we couldn't get a cab, and I slept under four blankets because THE STUPID FURNACE IS BROKEN. What do you want? Sometimes Halloween is just a huge fiasco.

* * * * * *

Do you ever miss people sometimes who you probably shouldn't, but you do anyway because they were a pretty major part of your life at some point, but now they aren't and you're partly to blame for that? Yeah, me too. J was this guy I used to hang out with from Victoria. 'Hang out' is kind of vague, because we really did a whole lot more than just 'hang out'. We were friends, we were lovers, we were dreamers- we had this kind of bond that was formed almost immediately the first time we met. We met at a keg party in Vic when I was 19 and he was 22, and I was still all rock 'n roll and thrift store clothes (maybe not much has changed in that department), and he was this baggy clothed skater guy who was still in university because he couldn't decide on a major. I said I liked his green trucker cap, he let me wear it, we spent the rest of the party huddled together on a garage roof drinking beer out of old laundry detergent cups, and for a long time after that night we were practically inseparable (other than the fact that I'd have to go back to Cowtown periodically to attend classes). We'd camp out on the beach sometimes, and just smoke joints and talk- mostly about me moving out to Victoria, and how awesome that was going to be. And sometimes, we'd just get in his car, throw our skateboards in the back and drive. Just turn the radio up and drive. And he'd always give me this look; a look like one day he wanted to carve me in stone. Sounds stupid and melodramatic, but that was just the look. Basically, he adored me, and I adored him back. I don't always really get what ended up happening- I was in town one day for the biggest kegger of that year, and there were some hard feelings. Mostly because I'd made no solid plans yet to pick up and move out to coast, and other shit that I can't really get into here, because it's between me and him (and another old 'friend' who I no longer speak to, and am now starting to realize had more to do with J's and my falling out than I believed at first). In any event, my sharp tongue and hard-headedness got the better of me, and all the hurtful words came flooding out. He said his share, I said mine (well, it was really more like yelling), and it ended badly. The kind of badly where we haven't talked in over 7 years. And I'd mostly forgotten about it and moved on, because that's what people do. Especially people who never want to admit that they might have been wrong, and that there might have been more to the picture than they knew, but it's just easier to push these things away like they never happened, and it was all just a bad dream. But I actually had a dream one night, and J was in it. He didn't say a whole lot, but he was there. And it was the first time he'd been there in a long time, even if it was just in my subconscious. I talked to this girl we both know last week, and she dropped me his number. Said he'd asked about me recently, but didn't say much more than that. I know we can't ever go back to the way things were 7 years ago; things have changed a lot in that time- we're not the same people we were that night, when we said so many things that we couldn't possibly have meant, and we never will be again. I'm 27 now, he's 30, we've had a lot of people come and go in our lives, and we just haven't been around for eachother at all. But somehow it would be a shame if I didn't take a second chance to reconnect with an old friend- one who I shared so much with- when it was staring me right in the face. Maybe I've just never tried because I have that stubborn pride about me. At the time, I felt wronged, but instead of swallowing my pride and trying to make things right... I just walked away mad, and never looked back. I mean, J was the only friend I ever had who actually got me. He was the only friend I had who didn't write me off because I lacked ambition. He didn't laugh at the fact that all I ever wanted from life was to skate, and drive, and listen to good music, and write, and draw, and sit on the beach, and find some peace of mind. It wasn't stupid to him, and somehow, I know it still isn't. So, maybe if I can work up the courage, I'll give him a call one of these days. Hope that he'll forgive me for being young and idiotic back then. Because it sucks to miss someone this much, particularly when you've been in denial about it for this long, and when you never even had to put yourself in the situation to miss them in the first place.

2004-10-29T12:42:00.000-07:00

you know what's aqwedsome:"? drunk posts dude. drunk poats are the shoit. especially becuase tommoerow i'm gnna lokmaat this shoit and be sll 'whoa, whatr the fuck dude? i don't get what the hell is gojng on.' and shit like thar. you know how it is.

say goodnight means goodbye

2004-10-29T08:47:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the hell has gotten into me lately, but perhaps in my advanced age, I am becoming ridiculously nostalgic. The picture? That's The Republik. It was my favourite bar of all time but, sadly, it closed it's doors in April of 2000. It wasn't some high-class establishment; in fact, it was grotty, old, dark, and had some of the most disgusting restrooms I've ever encountered (not the worst, but definitely included in my 'top five repulsive restrooms ever visited). And for six glorious years it was an odd kind of heaven on earth for much of the city's young and restless, myself included. Not being into the 'Top 40' scene, The Repub' was a much-needed escape for me. On any given night, I could be cutting a rug (very badly indeed) alongside suits, goths, frat boys, and hipsters simultaneously... and unpretentiously. Some of the best live shows I've ever had the privilege of attending were taken in here- all for fucking satanically low prices. It was like once you came in through those doors, it didn't matter who you were, and everything was about the music, the booze, the company, and just enjoying the time. It was a place to run into people you hadn't seen in ages. It was a place where you might strike up a conversation with someone just because you noticed them enjoying the same song as you. It was a place where some of the greatest drinking stories of all time were spawned (believe me- some of the greatest ever). It was a place with a killer hot dog stand out front, for those nights when you had to wait in line for half an hour (or, when you were stumbling out of the bar; inebriated and convinced that a hot dog would cure your inability to stand up on your own). I was beyond myself when I learned that it was closing its doors for a final time, back in the Spring of 2000, and I knew that it was the end of an era. The end of The Republik, and a part of my youth. So what better way to pay tribute to what had been, undoubtedly, the best six years of my young life, than to rock out at the farewell bash for my most beloved club? And that's what I did, on a Saturday night in April, 2000... on a table next to a hipster, a goth, and a frat boy.

[sorry to those of you who read this who are unfamiliar with calgary, or calgary circa 1986-2000, and are somewhat baffled at this blatant 'scenester' post. we've all been scenesters at sometime or other; don't give me that look. we all were, in our own little ways. like i said, i've been going through this whole nostalgic phase lately, and i start remembering stuff i used to do that was cool, and people who i used to know who were awesome... and i'm thinking that my next few posts may follow the same route, until i just get over myself. hey, i'm coming up on the final two years of my twenties, and that's somewhat of a big deal to me. give me a goddammed break.]

ghettos part 1.5

2004-10-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

Do you ever want to be mean to someone for no reason other than that they are the antithesis of you? If you said no, you're lying. And nobody likes a liar.

we're in the ghettos of dreaming

2004-10-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

I was bored yesterday, and I ended up buying an Etch-A-Sketch. For real. I never had one as a child, but I didn't really need to have one since every kid and their dog I knew had one. Whatever. I think it's ten bucks well spent... I could've easily spent the money on a couple of shitty, watered down drinks at the neighbourhood dive bar. And that would have just sucked royally. Good to know I'm making solid financial decisions these days.

I am a firm believer in shared household chores, and normally I do my part, but these days I seem to be adopting the attitude of 'I didn't make that mess, and I am not going to clean it up. Even if it means living in squalor. And I hate squalor. Hate it. But there is a lesson to be taught here, and if I'm not the one doing the teaching, no one else is going to do it.' I don't know what exactly my problem is, but I do not want to touch the dishes this time around. Even with gloves. And, yes, I do happen to have a pair of gloves for every household chore: one pair for the bathroom, one pair for the dishes, and one pair for cleaning the fridge. Cleaning the fridge? Is so repulsive, but it's better than having a 'mystery odour' wafting out everytime you open the door. Anyway, the dishes. Maybe I'm pissed off because out of everything that is currently residing in the sink and on the counter around it, less than a quarter of it is mine. I think I've mentioned before that I actually don't have a problem with using the same plate for several different meals. Or the same cutlery, for that matter. I dislike opening up the cutlery drawer and realizing that the only clean utensils available are... knives. What the fuck am I going to do with just knives? Jebus. Maybe it's just me realizing that I do not like to live with others. 'Others', meaning 'more than one other person'. Do women outgrow the need for roommates before men? Then maybe that's the problem. Either way, I'm ready to proclaim that my assigned chore will be to clean the bathroom, and I will be responsible for washing only dishes that I have cooked with or eaten off of/out of/with the assistance of. Yes, people have asked me why we do not own a dishwasher. We do. But it's one of those annoying things that you have to wheel across the kitchen and plug into the sink. And that's just a goddamned waste of time, if you ask me. So maybe I just plain don't like to do dishes, right? You know what, Einstein? I think you may have just hit the nail on the head. So, then, what of shared household chores? Fuck 'em. Sharing is for losers, anyway.

free teflon whitewashed presidency

2004-10-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

Stupid question of the week: 'Are you a bitch on purpose?'
Answer for stupid question: 'Well, of course. I don't actually think it's possible to be a bitch by accident.'

So, here's my beef of the day. For someone to be your friend in the present tense, all (or at least some) of the following must apply:

1) you call/email/snail mail/messenger/speak to the person on a fairly regular basis

2) when they are in your hometown or vice versa, you make plans to meet up (and, by the way, these plans must actually happen unless there is some dire emergency and they must be scrapped, regretfully)

3) 10 years must not have elapsed since you've done any of the things in 1) (because let's face it, 10 years is a goddamned long time to have to catch up on everything that's gone on in someone's life)

If none of these things is true about your 'friend' they are, unfortunately, a 'past tense friend', or an 'old' friend, if that suits you better. I love it when people keep repeating anecdotes about something they did with their friends like it happened recently, and then you find out that they actually no longer speak to this person, and the story happened 15 years ago, and they actually have no clue of the whereabouts of this 'friend'. I mean, fuck, I'd live in the past constantly, but I'm over it. Anyway, I like my present tense friends best... and it's kind of embarrassing to get caught talking to yourself.

i'd even have wayne newton dedicate a song to you

2004-10-25T09:13:00.000-07:00

You knew it had to happen sooner or later... but just to be fair, I'm going to keep it short. It's bad enough that my friends outside of blog country are ready to have me killed if I don't shut up about the Eagles. But the Eagles. How can I shut up when it's what is shaping up to be their best season ever? It'd be a crime not to mention that Philly is only one of two undeafeated teams in the NFL. And I think most of all, I'd just like to rub this season in the smug faces of the Green Bay fans in Cowtown that I call my friends. Just for doubting that the Eagles could ever be a team this good. I know; I'm way too fucking excited. GOOOOO EAGLES!!!!!!

(oh yeah, and for something not related to football... how 'bout those red sox?)

slightly bored and severely confused

2004-10-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

I will never let you have bad taste in clothing. If you go shopping with me and try something on that you like, but that I think is hideous? I will tell you. I will never let you leave the house looking like shit. I may not allow you to leave looking better than me, but I'll still let you know if I think the skirt you picked is not particularly flattering, or if the shoes you've selected don't go with your outfit. If you look fat in something, I will say, 'You look fat in that'. Because it's better if I say it than if some hoochie girls whisper and laugh about it at the bar. I will not tell you what happened in Season 7 of 'Buffy' if you didn't watch most of it. I will give you the episodes I taped, instead, and I will eventually suggest that we pool our money together and buy the entire series on DVD. I will politely ask you to change the subject if I think you are talking shop too much in my presence; especially if it is about a place of work where the two of us have not been employed together. I will let you know if the guy hitting on you is a complete loser, even if you think he's pretty nice. I will tell you that you need to eat something if I think you're looking too skinny these days. Not because I'm jealous, but because I am concerned that you may have an eating disorder. I will take you out for drinks on your birthday when all of our other friends are too lame to want to go out during the week. I will force you to watch NFL Sunday football with me sometimes, because I don't think you watch enough sports and, besides, you made me go to that stupid home and garden show. You know how much I hate that shit so, in comparison, football really can't be that much for you to suffer through. I will call you sometimes just to talk, even though I really can't stand talking on the phone.
I'm a good friend like that.

lend me some sugar, i am your neighbour

2004-10-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

'Billy Jean' is playing on the radio right now. Fuck, CKUA is my favourite radio station ever. No rhyme or reason to what gets played; you could get a playlist with Beethoven's 3rd, Motorhead's Ace of Spades, and then a Purple Haze cover by a quintet of clarinetists. Nice.
Hey, am I lame because I find 'Smallville' to be an entertaining show? Sure, it's pretty cheesy at times, but I'm honestly pretty tired of all of these reality shows, and watching the adventures of Clark Kent before he ever became Superman is some pretty good escapism for when I grow weary of watching families swap moms, and people getting home makeovers (seriously, they have a home makeover show on almost every fucking channel right now... what the shit?).

And now to keep with todays running theme which is... randomness:

Ten Random Things

1) Why do some people think it's a good idea to tailgate others when roads are slippery? I mean, when is it ever adviseable for you to be the one who causes the accident (because, presumeably, if you are the cause of the collision, it's your insurance rate that is subject to an increase)? That's what I thought.

2) I hate it when someone keeps asking me the same question (ie: Where are you working these days?) everytime I run into them... and I run into them more than twice or three times a month. Fucking clean your ears out, dude. I can't stand repetition- particularly when I'm the one who has to repeat myself.

3) People who try to run you down when you're using a pedestrian crossing, and then have the nerve to give you a dirty look like you're the one at fault for getting in their way? Should be killed. Execution style.

4) The only writing utensils I currently have at my desk at work are red. I have three red drafting pencils (I don't know why; I haven't drafted anything by hand at this job ever), and a red pen. Weird.

5) I so love people who don't dress for the weather, and then expect sympathy when they say, 'I'm cold'. Who the hell told you to wear open-toed, high-heeled shoes and a spring jacket in the -30 degree celsius weather, anyway? That's right. Quit your whining. I wish you pneumonia.

6) Bangs do not look good on everybody.

7) Two weeks ago, I bought a bunch of new spoons to add to the cutlery drawer, because we had lost many of ours. Two weeks later, and I can only account for three spoons in the entire house. None of which are the spoons that I had purchased.

8) People, 'irregardless' is NOT a word. Seriously, it's not:

[Probably blend of irrespective, and regardless.]
Usage Note: Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so.

9) I have to laugh when cute babies grow up to be hideously ugly children. It's just funny.

10) The most annoying thing I can think of to do right now is to put my radio out in the hallway, play it really loud, and invite everybody to my 'dance party'. If there was ever a sure way to alienate your co-workers (particularly in a place where most people actually like to work)? I think this one's the winner.

plastic passion is a diamond delight

2004-10-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to a burning smell. At first scent, the odour was that of matches. Not really alarming, since we often use matches to light a bowl. As I walked up the stairs, the smell grew kind of... different. You know when your heater goes on after months and months of being shut off? It was like that, but with something additional- something vaguely sweet...rotten maybe? What smells like that? What the fuck is up with the heater? I went into the bathroom, and because the bathroom is small, all smells coming up through heating vents are fairly concentrated in there. So, here was this stench of burning/sweetness/rotting- something really not quite right. I went downstairs, and the Boy asked me if I could smell the burning, and why the hell it smelled so strong and odd. Just then, I figured out what it was...

We have mice. While they're not always obvious, they're around. Anyway, the sweet and rotten burning smell? I've concluded that it was caused by one of said mice taking a tumble down a vent into the heater and, thus, being burned to a crisp.

I sincerely hope you weren't very hungry today.

lesson: how to be a better person

2004-10-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

Don't think that because of the title I'm going to get all fuzzy bunnies on you. I hope you know better than that.
There's no one who realizes better than I do that of late, this blog has become more about the people/things/situations that annoy and irritate me, and less about... well, about whatever it used to be about. But that's not the point. There's something I need to get out of my system one final time (promise, and without crossing my fingers behind my back like a sissy first-grader) before it eats away at me and I start thinking that maybe people aren't so bad, and I'm the one overreacting.
I firmly believe that some people out there need a fucking wake up call. Because these people think that *life is not fair*, and *I'm always being picked on*, and *you're always so mean to me*. Shut up, already. Life's not fair? Well, make it fair, dumbass.

I've always been a champion of the underdog- always stood up for the geeks and the socially inept because, really, they couldn't always 'have it coming' to them, could they? In the past few years, however, I've changed my mind about this (not in all situations, but just hear me out). It's not that I won't stick up for someone who's taking abuse that they did not bring upon themselves, because I will defend people like that in a heartbeat; but I can see why certain individuals annoy the piss out of others, and probably deserve nothing other than a good solid backhand to help them snap out of it. Failing that, I am am wont to suggest to them... life as a hermit. I hear that works wonders on the socially retarded.

People who try to make a conversation about anything, even though there is really nothing of value to say? Need a hefty kick in the teeth. No shit. I mean, there are times when silence is so fucking golden that you could be rolling in the dough off of it, and then you get the 'nobody is saying anything, so I will because I really like the sound of my own voice' people opening their yaps to spew their utterly useless points of view. Honey, if I cared what you thought? I would have actually asked for your opinion. I don't care for pointless banter; it pollutes my environment.

And how about those wonderful people who think they are being sociable and polite... when they're actually only being patronizing? Please don't tell me these folks don't need a slap. I don't give a rat's ass if you don't like me, because I am quite aware of the fact that I am not a terribly likeable person at the best of times. Just don't make it worse by trying to cover it up with patronism. Not only is it insulting, but it's downright repulsive. When you hate someone? Don't talk to them period. And do not even try to tell me that I don't know how it is, and how it's actually possible to grow to like someone you've despised your whole life. It's my rule. If I don't like you right now, I am never, ever going to like you.

The worst type of person by far, however, is the kind of person who pretty much spends his/her life bitching about how bad things are all the time, but never does a damned thing to correct the situation. Okay, so you're a fucking computer-genius-nerd-type person, and you sit around playing PC games a lot and get upset because no one ever calls you to go out and do anything. Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that it's not them- it's you. I mean, why does is the onus always on the other person to pick up the phone? Perhaps you have no hands? Of course you have hands. You're just a spoiled bastard, and can't understand why things are not always done the way you like them.
Or maybe you're a pseudo-intellectual type, who has never had a girlfriend, and can't understand why. Oh, I'll tell you why. Maybe it's that stupid high-pitched laugh you always make when you think something is funny. Or maybe it's that you're constantly making sexist remarks when there are women present. But I think it's actually that even if you have very little self-esteem, you still think you're better, or smarter, or more attractive than every living creature around you. Well, listen here. Just because your mom tells you that? Doesn't make it so. Not by a long shot.

So, what I think I'm actually trying to get at (before I went completely ballistic-nutso-rant-o-rama on your asses) is that the longer I am alive, the less willing I am to overlook the faults of others, and the more willing I am to be outright mean about these faults. Especially if they are faults that are presumeably self-imposed, and able to be fixed. And I am definitely not implying that there are people out there who are perfect- that's not possible; not even in another lifetime where everybody is a cockroach. I just think there are ways to become a less annoying person to others. Ways that won't end in me punching you in the kidney. Unless you happen to really dig kidney punches. You're a special kind of stupid if you do.

the notes are old; they bend, they fold

2004-10-18T11:47:00.000-07:00

In case anyone gives a crap, it's Monday. And I totally want to shoot the whole day down; or maybe that's just the Boomtown Rats. Please excuse how random this is going to be, but I am sick (not anything serious, but I definitely have some weird cold-like thing going on, and my head feels XXL right about now), and I just really want to go home, crawl into bed, and sleep. Or die. Probably just sleep, though. Dying can be strangely overrated.

I spent much of Saturday hungover. Like, the kind of hungover where I awoke at ten in the a.m., and my head hurt too much for me to even consider going back to sleep. The kind of drunk where you start to think playing 'extreme' darts is cool, and you take half an hour in the can because you are effectively 'lost' in the stall, and you try to steal some kid's skateboard on the street, and you rip an L-shaped hole in your pants from a nail in the stairs that, under any other circumstance you know is there and always manage to avoid...? Fuck that kind of drunk. Right now, I never want to drink again, blah, blah, all lies, blah.

Do you ever notice that when you're never, ever mean to anybody, you're the sucker who gets saddled with the $200 tab at the bar (where half of the drinks are for people you don't even recognize), you always have to pick up the assholes who don't own cars (and live at the other end of the city from you, to boot), and friends who are perenially unemployed always roll into town to visit you?
I've never noticed.

Chew on that.

collapsing galaxies feathered with falling stars

2004-10-14T06:05:00.000-07:00

Nobody called, nobody cares. I don't like posting from home- it is so not bad ass enough for me. I also really hate this computer. None of the settings are mine, there are no software packages on it- using this thing is frustrating and slow. And I'm way too tired this week to post anything coherent. So, I mean to postpone any further communication until I no longer have to wake up at 6 in the goddamned morning against my will. In other words, don't expect me back until next week. See you then.

rocks hit the water like broken glass

2004-10-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

Five Random Things

1) Shatner has a new album. You know you want it.

2) I never realized until very recently that I may have some form of dyslexia. I am not at all shocked/surprised. I also don't much give a shit.

3) If someone runs over your foot with a car, it's all fine and good to put your fist through their windshield. And if you don't, there's just something severely wrong with you.

4) Is the reason that they don't make a version of 'Survivor' set in the Canadian wilderness because everybody would fucking die within the first week?

5) No one I know remembers this show. That I found the link? Proves that everyone I know is on crack, and I'm the only one normal. If you still don't know what I'm talking about (unless you're not old enough or something like that)... I have nothing to say to you right now.

he was all she ever had and now she wanted to die

2004-10-12T20:16:00.000-07:00

Hi! Well, work strikes are... cold. That's about it. Cold, and the four hours you have to stand out there with a funny sign around your neck? Feels kinda like ten. Plus, I think before 8 in the a.m., I already had more caffeine coursing through my veins than... well, than I ever do. I very rarely drink coffee, and I mostly only drink herbal tea. I know what you're thinking- the soda/pop. Well, that doesn't count. IT DOESN'T. Isn't this all so very exciting? No, no it isn't. Apologies.

**********

Hey, did you know that I can't comment on a lot of your blogs for my home computer? I haven't quite figured out why that is, but it's not that I'm not reading. Sometimes this machine just won't bring up comment boxes, or it can't access some comment systems because you may have a high security setting going on, and our computer is full of viruses and shit. I don't want to give anybody viruses inadvertently. I'm a good person like that.

**********

I'm watching Jeopardy!. On the basement T.V. with the screwed up colour. Things
look a lot greener.
I also just baked a whole bunch of cookies because nobody is home, so I actually
have room in the kitchen to do stuff. They're chocolate chip, in case anyone cared.

**********

I just saw on the news that a guy was killed up near Edmonton when his truck
was broadsided at an intersection on the highway. Some bastard had removed the
stop sign.

**********

Well... in response to Arran's query of whether or not I ended up eating everything I wanted on Thanksgiving (because I am having this ridiculous blog comment/not able to problem.... grrrr):

I ate turkey TWICE. No ham, no shark steak. Somewhat disappointing, but then again I got lots of leftovers from the second turkey dinner. And brussel sprouts.
Does anyone else like brussel sprouts? Or are they actually called brussels sprouts? Whatever. I heart food.

**********

Wow... I'm rambly today. And I didn't say 'fuck' very much. Well, to remedy
that? FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK.
Nice.

**********

Hey,
Hugo's back. Cool, man. Fucking rad.

This is a lame post, I know. Once things get back to normal the quality will improve, but I don't know if I can promise too much until then. Okay... I do know that I can't. With any luck, I should be back inside by the end of the week. I need the dough. Don't do lounge act things without me...

saw your van on the sand and i don't understand

2004-10-11T16:09:00.000-07:00

Union strikes for people like me are bullshit. Why? Because folks like me aren't all that proactive. I'd rather stay at home watching MacGyver on channel 25 than show workforce solidarity. Everybody knows that I don't do picket lines. The extent of my picketing? Will consist of me cowering from the cold under a pine tree, sipping coffee laced with booze out of my Starfucks coffee mug (a gift from a friend) and doing not much of anything else. If I'm so indifferent to belonging to unions, then why don't I go find another job, you ask? Well fuck you for asking. Other jobs would have me doing 'team building' activities, such as going to bars that I'd rather be shot point blank in the face than be seen there, and socializing with people who I would never give the time of day to if they weren't my co-workers. Other jobs would have me appearing at various black tie events, or playing golf. Black tie events? Pretentious. Golf? Did I ever mention that the only aspects of golf that appeal to me are that the courses are pretty, and I get to tear around them in a little shitty cart hammered out of my skull (hey, if you send those stupid beer sluts around constantly, it's your fault I got drunk and ruined all of the greens)? So, no, I do not find it necessary for me to change my line of work right now. I'm just saying. Strikes are kind of waste of my time. Unless, of course, my salary ends up being increased by some retarded amount.

This post is just not really about anything. Well, shut up. It's the last day of the long weekend. I'll post whatever I want to.

i don't need a real title- i'm too cool for titles

2004-10-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

Let me get one thing straight. I have no problem with a person being perenially happy- just as long as I know for a fact that their happiness is genuine. I do, however, have a huge problem with someone who is always smiling and not 'taking things too seriously' when I am completely aware that it is an act. I mean, come on, someone who is never (and I do mean NEVER) in a bad mood? That's somehow not cool; it actually pushes the creep factor right through the roof for me. A person like that is just begging for me to unload my bitterness onto them in a way they probably never suspected of me (yeah right), and I don't care if it ruins their day. I have no problem if a person is in a good mood, but for fucks sakes... all this smiling and sunshine and butterflies and rainbows shit gets super old with me if it's perpetual. And I also have no problem wishing a person like this... SARS, avian flu, West Nile Virus, and quite possibly Montezuma's Revenge. See how much you want to smile after that.

So, again. Let me get one thing straight. Never try to pull the happy-go-lucky-never-anything-wrong crap with me. I will write you off as a phony. And don't try to tell me you're not... because you totally are. And it probably runs in the family.

and i gotta give love to the green leaves

2004-10-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

You've gotta give props to kids these days. At least they're blackening their lungs in a way that I fully approve. Speaking of which... remember whippits? Mmmm... hippie crack. Uh, yeah. That's enough of that, then.

admit that the waters around you have grown

2004-10-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm here. I'm just too busy to post anything worthwhile, as I will be going on strike next week (goddamned union shit) and I have to get as much done as possible by Friday. So, I'll be lurking around- just not putting anything much up in the next couple of days. If you really want some excitement, maybe you should just go check out the Mount St. Helens Web Cam. The apocalypse is upon us, dude. But that's what I always say... and I tend to exaggerate things way fucking more than is acceptable. It's funnier that way. Really. Later, ya lounge acts.

idolized by zeros

2004-10-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

The show was so good that we're going to the second show in November. I'm hard core like that.

as your spine starts to shine, you shiver at your soul

2004-10-01T11:02:00.000-07:00

'Tis the winter of my discontent. Not really. It's just goddamned cold outside, and instead of apples and raking leaves, I already feel like Christmas trees, and fireplaces, and the blue mittens with monkeys on them. Insanity.

Ten Random Things

1) I hate how I had to finally end my boycott of Starfucks. Hate. It. That chai latte was really good, though.

2) I found my red Puma ballcap. After over three months of it being lost. How do you lose a red hat, anyway?

3) I don't like people who talk too little. I don't like people who talk more than I do. I don't like people who have annoying laughs. I don't like people who think they are being politically correct, but they are really insulting me. Hell, I probably just don't like people all that much.

4) Just because people are Asian, it doesn't necessarily mean they are Chinese. I mean, dude, there are tons of Asian countries besides China. Or did you just fucking fail geography?

5) Don't you hate it when someone other than yourself washes the dishes and then you pick up a plate (or whatever you need to use, but I'm saying a plate for argument's sake) and find there is a layer of grease on it? How the fuck does that even classify as washing the dishes? Don't they have to be clean for them to be considered 'washed'?

6) I like Halloween WAY better than I like Christmas... and I don't even get any gifts at Halloween. I just get drunk.

7) Right now, I feel like rolling back and forth down the hallway in my chair on the off chance that it will annoy the piss out of everybody, and they will suggest that I take the rest of the day off for the sake of my mental health.

8) I am allowed to watch 'Buffy' reruns every day of the week if I fucking want to, because I am the one paying for cable- not you.

9) Do you ever just make fun of people because there's nothing else to do?

10) Why do people keep calling my work number asking if this is the CIBC Bank? I looked up their number and other than the first digit? Nowhere near being the same. Not even remotely. To boot, these people are always like, 'Are you sure this isn't the bank?' No. This actually IS the bank and I'm lying to you for my own personal amusement. Assholes.

back in your old neighborhood, cigarettes taste so good

2004-09-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

Just cleaned the bathroom. Am I just deranged, or does anyone else out there actually like cleaning the bathroom more than cleaning the kitchen? I fucking despise kitchen maintenance. So disgusting. At least in the bathroom I know what's what. I pick piss and shit over grease and mold. Mentally sound? You betcha. I can hear Dubya blathering right now. Somebody out there tap a keg for me. Respect.

i invented a sister populated with knives

2004-09-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

I really can't stand people who always say 'I'm confused'. Even when you know they really aren't. They're just saying it because they think it makes them seem cute. Puppies are cute. Confused people are... motherfuckers. People, chances are if you think you're being cute but you're actually the farthest thing from it, someone is probably sitting around and planning your assassination. Not that you're important enough to be assassinated in the first place.

If you think you are, you're probably not.

much love.

when the devil came, he was not red. he was chrome and he said...

2004-09-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

I just wanna rip my hair out. I rely on technology so heavily, and yet I hate it so much that I could set fire to technological advancement and burn it to the ground if someone would let me. Fucking computers and their 'you are running out of virtual memory'. Fuck you. What do you mean I'm running out? Nothing is supposed to run out. Everything will run out eventually. And damn cell phones. Why must I stand on top of a mountain just to get good reception around here? I'm a vampire, hear? A vampire. I only want to call from basements and dungeons, but instead I have to come out into the light where it burns. Give me a 25 watt bulb, because the 60 is killing me. We're hunters and gatherers, people. Get used to it.

That was actually something I emailed to someone once, when I was going absolutely mad. Somehow it got saved in my 'sent items', and since it all seemed so disjointed and lunatic, I posted it here. Here in the capital blog of nothingness and ridiculitis. I've been too busy for lists for the past little while, but I assure you they have not gone the way of the buffalo. Happy Weird Word Wednesday.

Ten Weird Words And What They Mean

1) Abroach: in a condition to allow liquor to run out (i hope this is never.)

2) Bantling: brat; whelp; bastard child (new name to call someone.)

3) Cacography: bad handwriting or spelling (i don't suffer from the second affliction. much.)

4) Darkle: to grow or make dark (don't you love the obvious ones?)

5) Ecdysiast: striptease performer (who'd have known?)

6) Fagin: an adult who instructs others in crime (i know nothing about this. nothing, i tell you.)

7) Garbology: study of garbage (duh.)

8) Hallux: big toe

9) Ignavia: laziness; laxity (i may be dying of it.)

10) Jettatura: the evil eye (my personal favourite.)

i'm hiding out in the big city blinking

2004-09-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

So I went to Edmonton on the weekend. For anyone who is vaguely (or completely) unfamiliar with this area of the world, Edmonton is a city three hours north of Cowtown. People here are always talking smack about it, but to tell you the truth? I kinda like Edmonton. The streets are relatively uncongested by traffic, the river valley is amazing in the summer and fall, and there are more things to do there than one would expect. In fact, one of my favourite bars is located there, and the city also hosts one of the best fringe festivals I have been to outside of Edinburgh. The point of me telling you all of this? Don't bash a place until you've properly experienced what it has to offer.

On another note, did anyone else realize it was only Tuesday? Or did everyone just know it automatically, and the reason I didn't is because I suffer from many delusions that relate to time and space? I'm inclined to believe the latter...

Electric eel.

dying on the banks of embarcadero skies

2004-09-27T14:48:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry if my posts are random and sort of cryptic these days. Or not sorry. It's a random and cryptic kind of life, so what can you do? And isn't it even worse when I don't post anything all goddamned day, and when I finally do, it's garbage like this? Not to mention that it's also 2:30 in the fucking afternoon and in some places it's even 4:30? It's the nature of me. Somedays I wake up and it's not even just that I don't know what time it is. I need to be reminded that this is not 1996 and I am no longer nineteen years of age. Cryptic? Perhaps. Then again, maybe in some weird dimension this all makes sense. Maybe it (all that is random, weird, and crack-like) will be over soon, maybe not. Eat an apple for me.

our hearts pump dust and our hair's all grey

2004-09-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate it when this is all you get from me? I don't... but then again, I'm used to it.

drinking drinking drinking drinking coca coca cola

2004-09-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

It's now been a little over a week since I started the whole 'no french fries' thing. So far? I don't necessarily feel healthier. In fact, I think I've just resorted to eating other things in place of fries. Like donuts. Mmmmm... donuts. And spaghetti carbonara (which the Boy made for me last night; it's my favourite). And chocolate. Hey, I've got to get my fix of zero-nutrional value foods from somewhere.

Top Three...

...colours that it's bleedingly obvious not everybody can wear:

1) pink (trust me, it's true)
2) orange (just because i can get away with orange, it doesn't mean you can)
3) lime green (no matter what the sales girl/guy tells you)

...things you (well, really, i) can't live without:

1) food/water (it's a tie)
2) drugs (i was going to say friends, but if you hit the drugs hard enough, you can imagine yourself a whole bunch of friends)
3) your head (i mean literally- if your head got chopped off, you would fucking DIE)

...random funny words/things of the day:

1) shatner
2) ugly is the new black
3) PORK PUFFS

suck my blood, break my nerve, offer me their arms

2004-09-22T10:39:00.000-07:00

Hi. Sorry for the lack of substance here in the past couple of days, but I'm really busy. Hopefully things will be back to normal by the end of the week, but who really knows? I put up some words because it's WWW; I know it's not a full list and whatnot, but it's all I had time for. Send hate mail if you wish.

gigantomachy: war of giants against the gods

tyriphobia, n. ("tir-&-'fO-bE-&)
abnormal, intense fear of cheese

bushwa , noun (BUSH-wa), also bushwah
nonsense; bull.

matutinal, adjective (muh-TOOT-n-uhl)
relating to or occurring in the morning.

GOWK: an apple core or someone who is silly or foolish

hurry, hurry, hurry, before i go insane

2004-09-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

This is a review of 'Never Turned Down', the debut CD of Calgary punk band Ditchrider, which is my friend Robin's band. While someone has already noted to me that the review may be biased, due to it being written by local musician and friend of the band Andrew Wedderburn, I beg to differ. I've already had a listen, and not only is it good, but it's definitely one of the more solid punk offerings by a group of girls (and one guy) that I've heard in a long time. So, cheers to Ditchrider, and mostly to Robin. You're a fucking rockstar, and don't let anyone ever tell you different.

the redhead said you shred the cello

2004-09-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

Did anyone else who watched The Apprentice think to themselves that this group of young business types seems significantly stupider than the group of last season? Or maybe it's just me, but I don't know... I think I've mentioned before that I believe less intelligent people are selected for shows like this purposely. They are prone to making bad choices, and their social skills can be somewhat limited. And this makes for comedy, since we are mostly trained to feel sorry for a smart guy who makes a bad decision, and yet laugh at the stupid guy because even if he thinks a decision of his is a good one, we believe it to be ill-founded and idiotic.

But that's just me repeating something I already stated many months ago, and I tire of my own repetition. It's Friday, so I should probably spit out a list or something, hey? On a blog about nothing, at least a list is something to look forward to.

Ten Random Things

1) When I wear my fall jacket, which is orange and quilted, I actually resemble some kind of futuristic pumpkin. That was not the intent.

2) Does anyone other than me think that Andy Roddick looks disturbingly like Stifler from the 'American Pie' movies?

3) The 'u' key on my keyboard sticks, and I have no fucking idea why. I haven't spilled any food or drink into the keyboard in ages.

4) I bitch at people constantly about being more friendly to the environment, and yet I constantly use plastic utensils so I don't have to do the dishes often. There's hypocrisy for you.

5) Who do you think will win the Monday night matchup between the Eagles and the Vikings? You already know who I pick, but who's your choice?

6) I hate it when people drop by unannounced while I am watching television, and proceed to try and have a full-fledged conversation with me. Can't you see that I'm fucking watching t.v., you moron?

7) Shared household kitchen etiquette pet peeve: when someone constantly uses ice cubes, neglects to re-fill the trays, and then proceeds to complain that no one ever fills the ice cube trays. Goddammit.

8) How come so many girls buy backless shoes that are too small for them? When your heel is hanging over the back of your shoe, you've obviously bought shoes that are too small for your gigantor-ass feet. It's not fucking rocket science. Sheesh.

9) Doesn't it bug you when someone starts crashing around, talking to themselves and making a ton of noise around you because they need your help with something? I mean, the last time I checked, there was nothing wrong with ASKING. Making excessive noise and muttering to yourself just confirms my suspicions that you are a fucking psychopath.

10) People who say they are 'always right', and pretty much always wrong.

we had a hedge back home in the suburbs

2004-09-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

The thing about the Boy is that he rescued me.
Rescued me from being someone's security blanket. I hated being N's security blanket, but I also liked it. It meant that I was almost always second choice, but at least I was the only second choice. Stupid. He loved me, alright, but the kind of love where the word mattered more to him than the action. With N, it was always about him being sorry. Being apologetic all the time. And I hate apologies that are made because the person making them fucks up more than they should. That ain't right. And he'd try to gloss it over with money. His bartending tips. That goddamned roll of twenties would magically appear from his pocket. And I never had to buy drinks. Never had to buy much of anything- not even smokes. And he'd always go off with some girl or other, but know that when it didn't work out he could always come back to me. And I was stupid. I let him. Not just once, not just twice. Not even just three times- but two years' worth of time. And I didn't even think it was a waste then. Because he'd always be sorry; be sorry and then help me find happiness in bottles of beer. He never even really made excuses. I hate excuses, and he always knew that. 'It's all for the best'. That's what he always said when he'd let me down. For his best? For my best? For the best. At least it wasn't an excuse, right?
So it was all for the best that the Boy finally stepped in and rescued me. Because love is nothing when it's just a word. And a roll of twenties doesn't make it real.

you make the rockin' world go round

2004-09-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

Weird Word Wednesday is on hiatus this week, but will return next week. And now for something completely different...

Last night I went to go watch Supersize Me. For those of you not in the know, it is a documentary by a fellow named Morgan Spurlock. He one day decided he would go on a diet of only McDonald's for exactly 30 days to find out if fast food is really as bad for the human body as certain people would have us believe. Trust me, it is as bad- startling, in fact. I've always had a firm suspicion that McDonald's glosses over the nutritional value of its menu items; even more so when the 'fat kid lawsuits' started popping up. And, if you look at the chart, maybe it's not the fat content or calories that stick out, but take a peek at the sodium percentages. My blood pressure goes up just reading those obscene numbers. Apparently, most physicians and registered dieticians will tell you that consuming these types of foods more than once or twice per month is quite bad for you. Awhile ago, I asked my doctor about the effects of fast food, and whether or not it was okay to eat it two or three times a week. Basically, she advised me against this practice, instead urging me towards more home-cooked meals and cutting out pop and other sugar-laden beverages. Cutting out fast food? I'm sold. Watching Morgan Spurlock on his McDiet grossed me out enough that I made a deal with my friend (who watched the movie with me). Seeing as how we have busy enough lives that it may not be possible to cut out Taco Hell and McDeath entirely at this time, we have decided to do it the slow and (virtually) painless way. We are starting with the boycotting of fries until October 31st. Why fries? Well, because fries come with EVERYTHING, unless you specify. You order a meal at Wendy's? Unless you ask to trade them in for a side salad, you get fries. At a regular restaurant? You actually do get a choice of soup, salad or fries at most places, but sometimes unless you speak up, you end up with fries by default. We're also including fries you buy in those big bags at the supermarket, as well as hash browns and tater tots. Contrary to popular belief, these items (though frozen) were actually fried at some point before being put in the deep freeze. So, basically anything that bears resemblance to potatoes fried up in vast amounts of grease counts. We decided not to include potato chips, since neither of us actually eats these often anyway (plus, I just bought a bag of Ruffles the day before yesterday and it would be a colossal waste of money not to consume them. But I will do it slowly). If one of us breaks the deal, the loser buys dinner. We will be monitored closely by our respective significant others, plus numerous other mutual friends to make sure that we don't cheat. Of course, there's no way to prove that one of us didn't go and order fries during lunch when no one else was around, but neither of us is a known cheater. That's the trust factor. So there you have it. Suspenseful, no? Can I make it to October 31st without ingesting fried potatoes? I mean, dude... that's longer than a month. And I have like NO willpower. If I did, I'd already have lost the 10 pounds I've been boasting that I'd lose since March. It should be a shitshow of epic proportions, in any event.

2004-09-14T13:58:00.000-07:00

You know you're getting old when...

they change the list for the annual regulars' party of your normal haunt, and you're not on it anymore. I mean, sure, there are lots of new regulars at the Ship, and I'm sure they're all young and impressionable and the epitome of cool, but it really feels like the end of an era. Up until this past Sunday, the list had been unchanged for at least 6 or 7 years. I suppose it's all fair and good, seeing as how most of the old staff has left for greener pastures in the last year, and been replaced by a younger crew which in turn caters to a newer, younger crowd. So a lot of us old-timers are probably only recognizable from circulating stories of debauchery from the days of yore. I'm glad that at least these stories will go down in Ship history as somewhat legendary events, and someday some kid will come up to me and go, 'Are you the same Fleecey who...', to which I will respond, 'Yep, I am that Fleecey'. Good times, good times. And now, a jumbled recollection of all sorts of stories that I may someday choose to share with ILJ readers... or maybe just file them under you had to be there. really. you had to.

sneaking a 14-year-old into the bar. mooning the taxi cam. yoinking some guy's beer not once, but twice in the same night. les firing a pint glass at my head. the guy from the isle of man doing magic tricks. soul train. the greasy dude. the plaster chicken from the dumpster. bottle collection. pixie dance. falling off the bar stool. the singles game. the bottle of jagermeister night. petroleum byproducts rant. pretending to be the doorman and pocketing bribe money. the british army dudes stalking me. getting picked up by young karl. hitting my head on the hurricane lamp while getting a piggyback ride from isle of man guy. eat your tentacles! mike and i planning to be pirates. fabio. the kid rock lookalike. nolan. scotty's sod crew. someone stole my cigarettes. the ship and anchor softball team. the mission. fast eddy. turf wars. the disco shirt. the big breakup. crazy taxi. playing golden tee with the homeless man. getting hammered on christmas eve. the three exes within five meters of eachother debacle. slick. throwing darts at the roof and other people. crazy tim. me and johnny have a foot-race across the bar. cinnamon bun. the wild turkey night. it's my birthday in half an hour. the high voltage table. rock and roll bitch. mario the psycho needy spanish man. the hungarian dude. ac/dc hooker mistake. not sharing a table with the ugly people. a million shots of ouzo. snowball fight on the patio. mikey's goodbye party.

So many stories- this isn't even all of them. What can I say, it sucks getting old, but I'm more than happy to take my place of honour as one of the crazy Ship old timers. It's been a slice, that's for damn sure.

wishing, wishing that you were dead

2004-09-14T08:56:00.000-07:00

If anyone wants to fucking ditch work with me and start the boozing early, I think today is as good a day as any. Those fucking city 'workers' (no, I cannot write it without the quotations- that would be a travesty of epic proportions)... today, I noticed they were starting work at a quarter to 7. Okay, whatever, so they barely worked yesterday, so they must be starting earlier to make up for lost time. Then when I go out to get in my car to go to work, I see that they conveniently have a gravel truck on each end of the street. Fuckers! And since they were all sitting in their trucks like the overpaid pricks that they are, there was no reason one of them couldn't have just moved out of the way for one goddammed minute just to let me out so I could go on my merry way to work. But of course not. After all, I can't expect people who work for the City of Calgary to have any class or compassion, since I am quite aware that most of these guys are little more than hired thugs; so, really, they're far more ghetto than I could ever hope to be. Anyway, I had to get to work even if I had to call the cops and have an enormous dispute in front of the house, which I'm sure would have ended with me being unceremoniously dragged off to the nearest police station. Um, no. Not a good way to start off a day, especially when the promising football game of the night before turned into one of the most boring displays of one-sidedness of NFL Kickoff Weekend. So, what to do? What to do? Solution: get out of car momentarily to see if there is enough space driving over peoples' front lawns to get to the end of the street where I can actually get past all of the construction bullshit to get to my job which, by the way, is only a five minute drive from my house, so I probably could've just left earlier and walked to make this whole debacle a non-debacle, but come on. This is me. I'm so fucking hardcore it'd kill some of you. I don't do things the cut-and-dried, easy, problem-free way. Now... where was I...? Oh, right, the 'driving over peoples front lawns' part. I get out of my car and confirm that there is, indeed, enough room for me to drive over the lawns to get out. Did I mention that my car isn't as wide as most cars? I love thin cars. So, I get back into my car and proceed to barrel over neighbour one's and neighbour two's lawns, respectively (yeah, because I could have done it some other way), and I end up on the other side of the one gravel truck. Ha. There are two city 'workers' standing on the other side, so I give them a little just-try-and-fucking-block-me-in-again-assholes-because-your-stupid-tactics-don't-even-motherfucking-work smirk, just for the sake of rubbing it in. The one dude flipped me the bird, or some such pea-brained thing (I know he didn't have the mental capacity to come up with anything better). The funny thing is, they really can't do anything to stop me from parking on the road. If they so much as bump my car accidentally they're liable. And I now come armed with my own personal attorney (thank Jebus for my friend marrying a lawyer). If anyone ever thought I'd one day stop with the hard core shit and mellow out, this just proves that will never happen. Don't fuck with me.
Oh yeah, and to make matters much, much worse? I can't get my godammed bottle of Red Bull to open. That stupid perforated edge at the bottom of the lid won't tear, so the lid just keeps spinning around and around. Fucking crap. And I am SO not going to maintenance so that they can pry it off for me. That takes effort, and it also promotes laughter. At me. And I blame it all on those stupid city 'workers'. Assholes. It's all your fault.

p.s.- i would've posted about something other than this road construction crap, but this is as much excitement/annoyance as i'll have in my life for the next little while. pathetic, i know.

crack it open, let me out of here

2004-09-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

I was going to do up a big ol' football post, but I suppose it'd be much easier if you were to give'r a click on the NFL link I've put up over yonder, to the right. Because you have nothing better to do than to check out the scores from the first NFL Sunday of the season. Ha.

In other news... did you know that I share a birthday with Kerry Collins (formerly of the New York Giants, now the the Oakland Raiders)? Well, it's not really news to me, but it's useless bit of trivia to start your Monday out right. And my way to weasel more football into this post. But for real this time...

I probably didn't already mention this, but city workers are 'busy' installing a new water main in the street. Apparently, this will take two weeks, but I think they've already had all their shit lying around for two weeks, and they're still not done. Now, I hate any kind of road construction, even if it needs to be done (last summer, the water main broke not once, but twice, and we had to get water from a truck); it obstructs traffic, and they've been starting work at 7 in the morning. This has meant that the house rattles mercilessly every morning for two hours until these guys take a break. They take their breaks when everyone is away from home at work, and they resume around 5 in the PM when everyone has returned. Bastards. The noise isn't the only annoying aspect... we don't have a fucking garage, our 'driveway' out back is a piece, and the alleyway isn't large enough to accomodate parked cars AND other vehicles that need to get through. So, I have taken to simply parking on the street in front of the house (as per usual) if I see that no one is working. I know the city workers don't appreciate this, but they have done little to help out. They park their goddammed vehicles everywhere and anywhere that they can, and I'm just the type of lazy bitch who refuses to park a block away where I can't keep an eye on my car (you'd better believe I'm OCD about my ride ever since some neighbourhood punk-ass kid keyed it a couple of months ago). Plus, I'm not parking out back in the mud and cat/dog shit (lounge act neighbours letting their pets run amok) and getting my shoes and the interior of my car dirty. Oh, I'm a fucking princess about anything even vaguely resembling dirt/mud/shit inside my car. It grosses me out. Anyway, I hope they get done soon; this road construction is cramping my style hard. Too bad my ranting and raving doesn't get the job done any quicker. It never does.

jump out, jump out, get your groove on

2004-09-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

Friday couldn't have come at a better time. Not that it ever comes at any time other than after Thursday, but I'm just saying. It's fucking cold and, quite frankly, this kind of weather makes me feel absolutely miserable. Apparently it's supposed to be all warm and sunny by tomorrow, but I don't put a lot of trust in those meteorologists these days. They lie about the weather, people. They LIE. And there's not a goddammed thing you can do about it. So, I apologize (not really) for a weather post, but I am bitter about it. Bitter like the taste of chewing on a rubber band, which I know nothing about. Nothing, I tell you.

In honour of it being Friday (which, by the way, I have re-named Ten Random Things Friday, hence, TRT Friday), a list. Surprising, no? I'm predictable like that.

Ten Random Things

1) It's really cool that I can see my belt buckle. It must mean that my beer gut is getting smaller.

2) How come there are a million knives in the cutlery drawer, but barely any spoons or forks? In fact, there are only four spoons. How the fuck do you even lose spoons?

3) Don't you hate when someone leaves a message on your answering machine declaring, 'Hi, it's me. Give me a shout' and you have no goddammed clue who 'me' is? And, to boot, you don't have caller ID?

4) Even if they're called 'child proof' containers, half of the adult world can't open them either.

5) I hate cleaning out the fridge and finding something that has gone so bad that I can't even tell what the crap it used to be.

6) Why is it that stupid people always seem to have the most to say?

7) The pinky finger on my right hand is actually quite a bit shorter than the one on my left hand.

8) I find it fairly annoying that they're called 'city workers', and yet the only time you ever see them working is never.

9) Do you ever tell people your name is something other than what it is, not because you're afraid that they'll end up stalking you, but because it's funnier that way?

10) Don't you hate it when you have to pee, but there's no restrooms where you are, so you end up holding it for so long that when you finally do find a restroom you don't really even have to pee anymore?

take a load off and bow down

2004-09-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

Does anyone care that the 2004 NFL season kicks off tonight? Well, I certainly do. This means that if we have a really cold winter, I will be found sitting (slouching)more-than-contently in front of the idiot box every Sunday at 11 in the AM, and will remain that way all day. Luckily the Boy doesn't mind this obsession of mine with watching grown men run and crash around on a field, chasing a brown and lemon-shaped ball- he will likely enjoy the extra hours he gets to play Battlefield Vietnam. See? It's all good. Go Eagles!

It's the return of Top Three Thursday! Okay, okay... I'm only bringing it back because I realize that football is probably only mildly interesting to half of you guys. It's not like I'll be posting tons of shit about it, though, unless the Eagles have a phenomenal season or something. Indeed.

Top Three...

...movies i've seen this summer

1) Napoleon Dynamite (dude, if you haven't seen it yet, you don't even know what you're missing. go see it. now.)
2) Shrek 2 (what can i say, i kinda have a thing for animated ogres)
3) Collateral (i picked this one somewhat out of lack of having seen very many movies of late... but also because it was a way better movie than i assumed it would be, and tom cruise is pretty fucking kick ass as the evil dude.)

... foods i am currently obssessed with

1) pizza (this place in particular)
2) avocados (you can make EVERYTHING with avocados)
3) carrot juice (i almost like it more than water these days, if you can believe that)

... things i have to do before it snows

1) buy all new ski equipment (i said i'd do this last year... it's now this year)
2) find winter boots (i survived last winter without a pair, but it was a struggle. this year i'm told it will be too cold to do without.)
3) look for the snow shovel (i had to use one of those little avalanche shovels last year. let me tell ya, it's rather hard on the back.)

Exciting stuff, hey? Yeah... no it's not. But what were you expecting? Dante's Inferno? I'm a genius, no doubt, but in more of a slow, stoner kind of way. Heh. Such a lounge act.

sammy hagar, is this what you wanted, man?

2004-09-08T08:52:00.000-07:00

So, just for fun, I might be going to the Van Hagar concert on October 26th. I mean, it's right in the middle of the week, and I haven't gotten into the booze mid-week for quite some time now. And if there was a ever a reason to get drunk and smoke the green like it was going the way of the blue whale, this would be it. A Van Hagar concert on a Tuesday night in October. Quit your goddammed laughing. You probably run the Sammy Hagar fan club, for all I know.
Okay, enough of the lounge act talk already. It's Weird Word Wednesday, don't ya know?

Ten Weird Words And What They Mean

1) Bulimy: Extreme hunger
2) Curmurring: Rumbling or flatulent sound (ha ha... 'flatulent')
3) Dwale: Stupefying drink (so basically, this could be any alcoholic beverage consumed in vast amounts)
4) Exophagy: Cannibalism outside one's own group (because we normally only cannibalize within our own groups of friends)
5) Francophobia: Fear of France or the French (they're so scary, i know)
6) Gymnosophy: Deep contemplation performed while naked (yeah, sure)
7) Humpenscrump: Crude musical instrument like a hurdy-gurdy
8) Insulse: Lacking wit; dull; stupid; insipid
9) Jumart: Impossible mythical offspring of a cow and donkey
10) Kreng: Whale carcass after blubber is removed (mmm... carcass)

something in my veins, bloodier than blood

2004-09-07T01:37:00.000-07:00

You'd think that after a long weekend I'd have something to post, but I don't really. The weather sucked goat ass, and I never was able to go swimming in the lake. That's right- the weather in this part of the world is somewhere between summer in Antarctica and the coldest possible winter in Australia. In case you don't get what I mean (because sometimes I don't even get what the crap I am talking about), it's bloody cold, and that's seriously unusual for September. I had to take out my super-hick hunting jacket (keep in mind that it's a men's jacket in a medium size, so it actually looks really ghetto when I wear it)

this morning because that's how cold it was. Nice, hey? I have poor circulation to boot, so you can imagine what a happy fucking camper I am right now. Sunshine and smiles, I tell you, sunshine and goddammed smiles all around the block.
But everything wasn't all bad on the weekend. I went to go see the double billing of Shrek 2/ Collateral at the drive-in theater in small town BC somewheres. Shrek 2 was some funny shit, and Collateral was way better than I thought it would be. I hope to see Tom Cruise in more bad guy roles in the future. The only thing that pissed me off royally was the Bacardi Silver Ads. Dude, seeing ads in movies does NOT make me want to purchase whatever the hell product is being hawked. Really. I buy enough shit that receives little to no advertising. Blah, blah, blah, oh yeah, and I went to the little town fair and looked at the pigs and goats, watched the rodeo, and drank Budweiser out of a plastic cup (if you haven't had a drink for days, Bud is as good as anything).
Good times, good times. But I'm way glad to be back in my own bed/room, where the springs don't squeak on the bed, and it stays dark until I open the blinds.
Now if you'll excuse me- my nose is running like one of those ass-ugly decorative fountains in somebody's back yard. Enjoy that mental image.

why must you find another reason to cry? [edit]

2004-09-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

*WARNING* *WARNING* *WARNING*
IT'S THE 'RACISM IN NIGHT CLUBS RANT'.... but please do not forget to read the disclaimer at the bottom of the post. Thank you, and have a great weekend.

As an 'ethnic minority' (visible minority, person of colour... etc.) I can relate, to a certain point, to the charges of racism at certain night clubs in Cowtown being used as a way to disallow certain people into the establishments. I mean, come on, what the fuck is this- the 50's? And in Canada too; the melting pot of the goddamned free world. Sure, it's a major piss off to get to the front of a lineup at one of these places, and then be asked to produce three pieces of photo I.D. otherwise you will not be permitted entry (who the hell carries that much documentation, anyway?), or be told that you're not appropriately attired... and all the while, the caucasian kids are coming in and out of the club like it's no big deal. Yeah, to be fair, that shit's happened to me, and it's really not all that nice when all my friends get let in, while I get stuck in line waiting for someone to go grab my birth certificate and passport from home. It sucks big time ass. There are definitely exclusive clubs like this all around Cowtown, and even the owners admit to wanting to keep the clientele a 'certain way', and not permitting certain people to frequent these joints simply because they feel the presence of such individuals might cretae tension amongst the patrons. Said individuals are usually ethnic minorities, but of course they never say that. They're not allowed to say that. We're the melting pot here. Everybody is equal, right? Um... sure...

Okay, so you've been denied entry to certain clubs time and time again, and you know it's because of the colour of your skin. Here's my burning question: why the fuck do you keep trying to go back to these places? Seriously, whose bitch are you? I mean, for me it only takes the one time I can't get into a place due to possible racism, and I boycott that club from then on. If you're treated that badly prior to getting in, what makes you think it's going to be any different if you ever get inside? Why do all these ethnic minorities keep insisting on going to places they know they've had a tough time with before? There are plenty of places in C-town where there's no hassle to get in no matter what you look like; no one will ever tell you that there's a dress code in effect, or that you must be able to show three pieces of photo I.D. before you can be let past the front doors. These are the only places I go when my friends and I go out on the weekend. Because of my bad experiences with the exclusive clubs, I've boycotted them a long time ago, and in my support, my friends have followed suit. This is what I believe more people need to do, because it's a far more proactive solution than to keep dragging your sorry ass back to shitty bar that you will never, ever be let into, save for some unforeseen circumstance. If you think you're not being let into a certain club because you're not white? Refuse to go to it. And tell your friends about it, too. Chances are that they won't be impressed either. Strength in numbers, you know? Besides, I know I'm not missing out if I can't get into fucking Cowboys. There's nothing in a bar like that but trashy girls with fake boobs, sleazy guys who probably just want to slip a sedative into your drink, and watered down gin and tonics that cost $6.50 apiece. Plus, the music usually stinks, and the bathrooms normally only have two working stalls. Based on all of that, I'll stick to the Ship and Anchor, thanks. There's no cover charge, most of the bar and waitstaff know me by name, nothing's watered down for my drinking displeasure, and I can show up wearing whatever the bloody hell I please. And no one gives a shit about my ethnic background. Because why does that matter? Everybody's here for a good time, and the sun can't shine every fuckin' day. The patio calls.

p.s.- for anybody who is taking this the wrong way, i'm not saying to hide from racism or to pretend that it doesn't exist, but by people wanting to go to these clubs, it's almost like accepting that these types of places are allowed to exist and conduct business in this manner. it's a really small step to boycott a club and get your friends to do the same, but it's a step in the right direction. why try to support a business that obviously is not willing to cater to you? it's just not proactive. i agree with a lot of people that this kind of bullshit should not be allowed to go on, but there are better ways of dealing then to complain about not being able to get into cowboys, but instead of trying to deal with it in a way where something might actually get done about it, keep on waiting in the lineup every weekend like some sheep who wants to be part of something 'special'... when really, what's so special about a loud, smoky, overpriced club anyway? so, no offense was intended by this post- i just thought it might be a good way to generate a bit of a debate. ILJ is not a popularity contest in the least; i used to beat up the cool kids. :P

pioneer of aerodynamics

2004-08-31T08:40:00.000-07:00

Good morning, all. It is Tuesday, and since I'm not doing anything significant today, I thought I'd post something. Actually, it's probably not really 'posting' as such, since what you are about to see is something I found on both It's So Not About You, and Tenth Muse. Please visit these blogs, as they both reside in my links section. Anyway, our roomie moved out this morning to go off to grad school in Halifax. As annoyed as we sometimes got with him, I think it really won't be the same hearing about his antics via email as it would be first hand. I mean, I know I won't soon be getting hauled off to the drunk tank; I just don't really seem to have the knack for those kinds of things. I look far too unassuming. So I guess life is about to get a little more mundane than I'm used to. But his brother is coming home from his work term in Seattle, so he will be moving in with us shortly. Perhaps not all hope is lost- in most families, the apple doesn't fall that far. So, there you have it.

1. Your name spelled backwards.
yeceelf
2. Where were your parents born?
indonesia
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
mp3s
4. What is your favorite restaurant?
this really fucking awesome japanese place in town. pricey, but so worth it.
5. Last time you swam in a pool?
is this a joke? i swim pretty much all the time. that's what former competitive swimmers tend to do.
6. Have you ever been in a school play?
i was going to say no, but then if you count before junior high, yes. but i'm really more of a soundtrack/behind the scenes kinda person.
7. How many kids do you want?
two. if there has to be more, then i vote for four. i don't think it's fair to have kids in uneven numbers due to the 'ganging up on eachother' factor. but who the shit wants more than two kids anyway? it's not like i have the finances for that.
8. Type of music you dislike most?
techno. maybe because i hate ravers to the point that if they all died at once i'd throw a huge kegger.
9. Are you registered to vote?
if you're not, i'll send asian gangsters after yo ass.
10. Do you have cable?
that's like asking me if i've ever smoked weed before.
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
yes. hey, isn't 'moped' a messed up word? mo-ped. mo-ped.
12. Ever prank call anybody?
dude, was there anything better to do with my time in junior high? my friend and i are still famous for one particular call. no one has ever topped it.
13. Ever get a parking ticket?
it's like a way of life with me. no wonder i live hand to mouth.
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
been skydiving. bungee jumping... ask me again in like a year.
15. Farthest place you ever traveled.
japan. in real life. but one time after watching 'total recall', i actually believed i had gone to mars. i have disillusionment issues.
16. Do you have a garden?
it's not my garden. it's the boy's. me, i don't do gardens. can i landscape? yes. can i garden? you wish.
17. What’s your favorite comic strip?
the far side. yes, yes, i know it's no longer in production.
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
i do, although, most canucks don't. probably because it's such a stupid song. i should be fucking commissioned to rewrite that shit.
19. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month?
napoleon dynamite. hands down. i guess until i see garden state, because that's supposed to be fucking great. i've seen 'napoleon' like five times already.
20. Favorite pizza topping?
with pizza, i don't play favourites.
21. Chips or popcorn?
both. except that i don't eat chips very often anymore.
22. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
something neutral, if i actually have to wear it. i really don't wear makeup on a daily basis.
23. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
okay... what the hell? i've smoked pine needles once... but what are peanut shells supposed to do for you?? is this what the cool kids are smoking nowadays? i'm out of the loop... you know, i'm getting old.
24. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
i protest garbage like that. i mean, who the fuck really cares how pretty you are? no use being pretty if your brain is the size of a chickpea.
25. Orange Juice or apple?
both. preferably freshly squeezed.
26. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
the boy. an oyster bar.
27. Favorite type of chocolate bar?
again, with chocolate i don't play favourites.
28. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
a few months back, when there was an election.
29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
last week.
30. Have you ever won a trophy?
indeed, i have.
31. Are you a good cook?
i manage. but really, the boy is the cook around here.
32. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
are you for fucking serious? who doesn't know how to do that... apart from two-year-olds and people who live in societies that don't use cars on a daily basis?
33. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
not yet- we're aiming for those kitchen knives, though. you can never have enough knives.
34. Sprite or 7-up?
i feel like i'm answering questions in some shit magazine for some survey where the results are so not going to reflect my character in any way.
35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
who hasn't? you, with your hand up in the back? i extend the back of my hand to you. and believe me, boy, i hit hard.
36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
vitamins.
37. Ever throw up in public?
maybe when i was a little kid.
38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
who says you have to choose only one? lounge act.
39. Do you believe in love at first sight?
for some people. but for others, that's like a divorce waiting to happen.
40. Ever call a 1-900 number?
no.
41. Can exes be friends?
sometimes, but mostly you're just kidding yourself, because you're probably just keeping the person around in case you haven't been laid in awhile.
42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
the boy's brother.
43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
yes.
44. What message is on your answering machine?
probably something rude. we hate answering machines in this house.
45. What’s your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
jebus... it's been awhile. lemme think about this one.
46. What was the name of your first pet?
a dog named gypsy.
47. What is in your purse?
wallet, cellphone, lipgloss, gum, hair elastics, a thing of pit-stick, crumbs from something, a receipt from the gas station, a little plastic monkey that came with one of my drinks at the bar on saturday night.
48. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
smoke a bowl.
49. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
that i don't have to go to work again until next tuesday.

you're in the jungle, baby. you're gonna die!

2004-08-27T07:52:00.000-07:00

If the weather is nice next week, ILJ will be on hiatus. Otherwise, I'm fairly sure I'll be around to stalk all of you at your respective blogs while I'm on holiday (or vacation; whatever the hell you want to call it... to-ma-to, to-mah-to). But I hear the weather is going to be shit all week. Boo, hiss.

I have no idea what to post about today, so in typical fashion, I'll just make a list. Oh yeah, I'm boring like that. What do you expect? It's not like Friday happens seven days a week.

Ten Random Things

1) Do you ever start driving before your windshield has finished de-fogging, and realize that you've driven at least five blocks without being able to see a fucking thing, and think it's pretty cool that you were able to do it, but then recoil in horror because you could have so easily hit a dog or a kid? Screw you if you said no, or if your windshield never gets foggy.

2) With some people, it's as simple as slapping some sense into them. With others, it's more like you have to push them over a cliff, and hope they hit a lot of stuff on the way down.

3) In groups of friends, is there always a token ugly person... or am I totally on crack?

4) Sometimes, I just want to steal from people who have nicer/more things than I do because they probably deserve it- but then again, why should I steal their shit? The only reason they have so many material possessions is obviously because they are ugly and boring, and I am neither of those things.

5) I really hate it when I see someone walking down the street wearing a kick-ass outfit, but then they have on some seriously bad shoes. There's just no excuse for ugly footwear.

6) Going to skid bars is so much fun, because it doesn't matter what day it is- you're pretty much always the best person in the bar.

7) Do you ever wonder why they keep coming up with t.v. shows that are set in Hawaii, but when you actually watch an episode, they never show anyone Polynesian?

8) I don't care what anybody says; 'call waiting' is so rude. Who the fuck likes to be put on hold?

9) Not to ruin anyone's appetite or anything, but those cinnamon twist thingies from Taco Bell are somewhat reminiscent of pork rinds sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar.

10) Just because it's a bad idea, doesn't mean it wouldn't be fun to see if you're a lucky enough bastard to pull it off.

not a bitch... duck hunt

2004-08-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

You all know how much I like to curse; how I'm always 'fuck this', and 'that's a bunch of shit', and 'this blows goats, goddammit'. Mostly, my favourite expletive is 'fuck'. It can be used under most circumstances, and it just sounds so cool... in a sort of I'm-in-highschool-I-can-do-whatever-I-want kinda way. Okay, no, it's really simply the best swear word out there. On the other hand, there is the word 'c***'. The reason I'm not spelling it out is because it's probably a little more offensive than 'fuck', and I honestly don't want people googling the actual word and coming up with my site. Although, it's probably a longshot. Anyway, it's not like I don't ever use the word- it's more that I believe it should only be used in special circumstances. Like when some trampy girl at the bar keeps drunkenly asking you where you got your shoes, as she's spilling some trashy blue drink all over them, and you've told her for the ninety-third time that it doesn't matter because they are last season, and she won't be able to get them anyway, but she just laughs and staggers, spilling more blue crap on the shoes. People, this trampy girl is not only a bitch, she is also a c***. See how it works? For instance, you call up your cellphone company because they keep fucking up on your bills, and you end up talking to some girl who thinks her job is really, really important, and while you kind of agree, she's talking to you like you are five years old, but you're really twenty-seven, and so that kind of annoys you, but you think, no, you'd better be polite to her or she may decide she doesn't want to help you, but the more questions you ask her, the more she answers your questions in the same manner, and then you ask to speak to someone higher up in the company so you can get a better idea of what the shit is going on with your billing, and she says that she IS the higher up in the company, and no one else can answer the questions you're asking, so you agree, and then she tries selling you features that you already said you didn't need at the beginning of the conversation, and she says that she doesn't remember you telling her that, which is utter bullshit and you know it, and after all this time, she still hasn't answered your question as to why your phone bills are way out of whack. This person? Is a grade-A c***. For real.
But you know, it's not always appropriate. If your best friend won't share her bottle of Italian red with you, she's not a c***, she's just being a bitch. And even when your mother is a bitch to you, she's not a c***. It's pretty key to know when and when not to use the 'c' word. I'm fairly sure it's something that can't really be taught, and it probably comes with having a certain amount of tact... something which I doubt that I know too much about. Meh. Anyway, that was my interesting thought that grew in my brain over lunch. In retrospect, thank god I leave my brain in the 'neutral' position more often than not. And now back to regularly scheduled programming.

it's a fashion with a gun, my love

2004-08-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

It's Thursday; what can I say? After work I'm going to go to the Cat and Fiddle and eat a cheap-ass cheeseburger, and drink a couple of pints of cheap-ass locally brewed beer. I mean, what else am I going to do- it's been raining since last week, and I'm one of those people who uses bad weather as an excuse to drink. Or to eat stuff that is bad for me. I will admit that. Honestly, when it rains this much, I actually kind of miss the snow. I know it's weird, but at least when it snows here it can be sunny at the same time. No dice when it rains. Well, not usually anyway.

So, now that I've got all that pointless drivel out of the way, I've decided that since you guys seem to like quizzes an awful lot (actually, maybe I just like quizzes an awful lot), I'm going to post some sort of a quiz every Thursday from now on. Besides, quizzes are a hell of a lot more fun than diving into the fucked up recesses of my brain to come up with something witty to post. People who have known me for many a year have started to come up to me, concerned that I have killed all of my brain cells containing wit with my drinking and toking. Let me assure you, this is untrue. For real. Blah, blah, blah. Lounge act. Lounge hat. Punch it, Chewie. Oh yeah... quiz.

the ILJ quiz part 2!
do it up, yo, and then see how ya did.