jump out, jump out, get your groove on [i lit a joint and burned my eyebrow] <$BlogRSDURL$>

Friday, February 27, 2004

weird observation 

In case you missed it, here's what happened on The Apprentice.

If that show doesn't make me feel like a genius, I don't know what does. We had a brief discussion in my household last night about why smarter individuals weren't selected to participate. Well, let's face it; smart people are not really all that funny to watch. Much of the appeal of a show like The Apprentice is that as human beings, we find vast amounts of pleasure in watching people fail. Watching people fail not because of lack of luck, or because the planets weren't aligned properly, or because of unforseen obstacles... but because of pure, indisputable stupidity. No, we do not enjoy watching intelligent people fall on their asses, because we simply end up feeling quite sorry for them. But we never seem to feel sorry for stupid folks who don't succeed because in our minds, we somehow feel that since they are mentally inept, they must have it coming to them.

Wow. That's just fucking sick. What a bizarre and twisted society we live in.

What does it say about you if you've only been at work for an hour and a half, and you already want to go home?
Obviously nothing all that good.
Just to start off your morning right, here's a little article from Canadian Business about Absinthe (a.k.a. the Green Fairy). For you who've never tried it, just ignore the rumours and read up.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

mmm... floor pie 

So, today I start stockpiling cash for my 'new' car. I just realized that since I am about a full month behind on the bills (fucking crap), this is not going to be nearly as easy as I had originally pictured in my mind. Plus, I was on the Urban Outfitters website earlier, and they have so many cool things that I'd like to have. What to do? Perhaps it is in my best interest to jettison the online shopping for a few (months, that is), and concentrate solely on the purchase of a better automobile. I suppose this will be fairly difficult for me, but how much harder can it be than deciding in favour of going to the gym in place of sitting on the couch, watching Simpsons, and consuming copius amounts of potato chips?
Ugh, please tell me it will be easier!

news link 

The latest news from Haiti.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

I just finished eating some canned sardines (actually better than they sound), and it smells like a damned fishing boat in here. Why does fish have to smell so much like... fish?

Do the computer screen headaches ever go away? I am fairly opposed to taking medication for headaches, since most of them are brought on purely by dehydration.
On that note, perhaps I should take a short walk down the hallway to fill up my water bottle.
Here I go.

they taste like...burning 

Yep, I'm here.
I got off to a fantastically late start this morning... the folks made me go to church, even though I no longer practice any kind of organized religion. Unless you consider a daily dose of the chronic religion. It probably is, to a certain extent. Anyway, I was effectively half an hour late for work... not that it is a very exciting day. Yes folks, today is 'hump day'. In my days at university, I referred to it frequently as Black Wednesday, though after becoming fully inebriated by noon, I cannot say it was actually all that... black.

I'm not sure what demons I am trying to re-visit here, but I guarantee you I will have more coherent thoughts in a little while.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

I honestly can't believe what a clockwatcher I've turned into. Also disturbing.
I think my mother tries to make me eat at home to fatten me up for something. But what? Sacrifice? To eat? Funny how I have never really thought about this before. Funny and terribly disturbing.
I am becoming increasingly frustrated with the fact that it is taking such a long time for any of my posts to publish. Grrr. Why must it be this way all the goddamn time?
I thought that I was going to make it through the day without having to start ranting and raving about something or other... and here we go! Not even 2 in the afternoon, and something is already grating on my last nerve.
Grumble. Grrr. Aarrgh. Damn, hell, ass.


And here's what's happening in Haiti.
Yes, people, I do actually care about the goings on in the world.

most common drug offense in canada 

Now here's an article that's shocking (no, not actually). We're Canadians, for crying out loud! What the hell did you expect?

gym? what's a gym? oh... a gym... 

So, I am hitting the gym after work today. I am determined to not look like a sausage in a bikini this summer! Apparently, once you have built up muscle mass, you cannot let it sit around un-used/static for very long, or it transforms itself into *gasp* fat. No, really. I knew this already. I am simply trying to find the humour in my sloth-like nature.
It is somewhat disheartening, though, when I ask people to pick the animal I most resemble (in character, not physically, damn you), and they promptly select the three-toed sloth.
Sadly, this has been a fairly accurate comparison, thusfar. Slowly but surely, however, I mean to get back into old routines of physical activity. I've already made a mental goal to do this; now it is a matter of actually coming up with enough self motivation to put my ::plan:: into action. I'll just have to be my own cheering section *Yay Felice! You can do it!*
I am such a geek.

Monday, February 23, 2004

the countdown to 4 p.m. begins...
Smallville is on tonight. I suppose that makes me less bitter about it being Monday:-)

I somehow managed to burn a whole tray of french fries yesterday.
They were in the oven for about an hour. If that isn't proof enough that marijuana kills vital brain cells, then I don't know what is.
This is all rather unsettling. I can always remember things like birthdays and when to pay the bills, but not simple tasks, such as removing food from the oven or clothes out of the washer to put in the dryer. Maybe not unsettling... ridiculous makes more sense.
There must be something I can do to improve my memory, but the most obvious solution is not my favourite. I hear that eating lots of sardines does the trick.
Bah. I am so full of crap.

real genius 

Monday is the most annoyingly useless day in the week.
This is, of course, assuming you are like me and only had two days off; the two days being Saturday and Sunday. Whoever the fuck came up with five day work weeks was an idiot. Either that, or he (yes, it was presumably a man who came up with the five day work week) had one of those really cushy jobs where he got payed just as much as me, but for less hours of work. Whose brain is fully functional on a Monday? Screw you if yours is.
I want a goddamn holiday already. Fuck.

Friday, February 20, 2004

my pants are falling down
the room is spinning around
my stomach is making funny sounds
i'm falling down
i'm falling down

The Apprentice. If you haven't watched the show (how could you not have? It's hilarious!), at least go to the site.
The 'Thomas Edison' episode of The Simpsons was on last night.
It gave me a rather brilliant idea for an invention.
What I want to invent (or pay someone to invent, and then split the credit) is a type of pen for CorelDraw that will make drawing lines easier. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this software (by now you ought to be; I bitch about it on a fairly regular basis), it is a graphics program. It is all fine and good if you are working with photographs or bitmaps imported from elsewhere, but when you are saddled with a task such as mine, which requires me to draw several lines and shapes, it can be a giant, motherfucking pain in the ass.
Drawing a perfectly straight line (for me- I don't speak for anyone else who does not have this problem) in CorelDraw with a mouse is like trying to find the perfect outfit to wear. It takes many, MANY tries until I finally get it right. I was told that there is a setting where the program will straighten your line for you, even though it wasn't drawn perfectly...but it is not nearly straight enough for my taste. Instead of a simply a mouse and monitor, I would create some sort of a 'drawing board', which would be sort of like an interactive drafting table, and an electronic pen with which to draw on the screen. This way, one could actually use a straightedge and get perfect lines.
Of course, I realize there would be doubters, and they would deem my idea juvenile, and archaic.
Welcome to my crappy world.
You know what sucks the worst? First of all, you do like a day's worth of work (or, might have been two). You go back and check it. You find that all*the*fucking*measurements*are*wrong and you have to go back and redo it. Godammit. This is the story of my life. For some reason, I am rarely destined to get something right on the first go-round. This pains me to no end, for I am far from stupid. I also am not a crack, heroin, or *any other kind of debilitating drug* addict.
No one should ever have to work on Friday. It is much too frustrating.
Fucking crap.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

new name 

Talk about major overhaul.
I asked a couple of people, and they informed me that I should re-name my blog. Apparently, 'Medulla Oblongata' is too cerebral of a name (no pun intended...I don't like puns much). Check out the new title. I think it is rather fitting. Sadly fitting, in fact.
I finally changed the banner of my phone.
Now it says plainly, Fuck you.
Might as well get straight to the point, I figure.
I could sure as hell use a big glass of iced tea right now.
Fucking crap.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

I now have a counter on this page.
Meh. Nobody's going to read this except me.
What a letdown, goddammit.
Guess if I want to be thinner by June, I should stop eating random chocolate bars.
Fucking crap.

I hate this world, this stupid world, this screwed up world
I hate this world, this fucking world

no next elvis... 

... fantastic name for a band, is it not?

I am tired. I went out drinking after work, and was drunk by 6 p.m.
If that's not the biggest sign of general responsibility in my adult life... then I don't know what is. On the other hand, I got to scarf down a top notch shark steak at the Ship. If you've never eaten shark, you truly do not know what you are missing. Were it cheap, I would buy it instead of the run-of-the-mill cod and salmon cuts.
Shark meat is fucking delightful.

I watched Mallrats in a drunken stupor last night.
Matt and I agreed, it would have made a really good book.

I'm going to go buy those boots I saw at the mall last Friday. I know, I probably don't really need another pair of shoes, but I would quite honestly have yet another pair of shoes than a shirt that will go out of style in a month. At least shoes have a sort of quirky charm to them, so it doesn't really matter if they are last season, or this season, or the season before last. Shoes always make a lasting impression on me... whereas, I tend to leave clothing to make an impression on someone else.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

i will now eat an orange 

So, yeah... that's exactly what I'm going to do. Eat an orange.

title goes here 

Calgary can be a fairly irritating place to shop for CDs.
I'm always looking for stuff that isn't in stock, so I end up having to put in a special order. Plus, there are only about 3 record stores in the northwest end of the city. Let's see... the HMV in Market, the Music World at Northland, the HMV at NorthHill. I think that's it. I don't count the second hand places anymore, because the last few times I've been, they haven't gotten anything new in.
Theoretically it shouldn't be too difficult to find 'The Psychedelic Furs' Greatest Hits' at a record store I don't have to drive to the other end of the city to get to, but it's turning out to be a task.
Meh. I'll try Music World after work.

Monday, February 16, 2004

I have no attention span today. Perhaps it is because other people (who shall remain nameless, because I am a nice person) have a day off... AND I DON'T! Meh. You'll get yours...
I just added the little animated cat to my site. I think it's a nice touch.
And here's the main road that I live just off of (in case anyone cared). Sorry, no photos of the house just yet... I want to plant flowers (Matt finally said I could) and paint the fence before I go showing pics of it. It's a beauty, I tell ya.
FINALLY. I finally was able to draw that stupid shape. An hour later. Bah.

I got four pairs of earrings for V-day! Count 'em, four.
And dinner! Maybe that's why mom was pissed- dad probably didn't remember to get her anything! That would suck.
I'm hungry. Like the wolf.
CorelDraw FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!
I have been trying to draw this goddamn fucking crap shape for almost one hour now. ONE HOUR. That is way too much time to spend on one little thing. But my monitor isn't big enough for me to zoom in all the way. That's right, folks. MY MONITOR ISN"T BIG ENOUGH!
I realize that I am mostly just pissed off that I have to bloody work today, while all my little friends with cushy jobs where they get days off to play golf get A LONG WEEKEND!
I am pretty sure I don't get a long weekend until at least Easter. Jesus. Somebody kill me now.

Friday, February 13, 2004

SO tired right now. I could have used three extra hours of sleep. Now I've gotta try and power thru another 2 hours and 45 minutes.
I wanna go home :-(
Play the memory game! It hasn't improved my memory much yet, but I'm hoping...

Fucking goddamn car. Why is it that the cooling system in my vehicle is such crap? This means that next week will find me booking yet another appointment for someone at the shop to have a look at it.
I am rapidly seeing the benefits to passing the beast off onto my brother. He knows squat about vehicles (oh, wow, even less than I do...), but at least the parentals will help him cover the costs when the stupid thing breaks down. Ugh. The thought of spending another $100+ for another maintenance/repair does not appeal to me in the least.
I suppose this means if I want to go skiing, I have to go rent a car. Crap.

I am an idiot. I left buying a gift for Matt until today. Why is it that I cannot plan to do things ahead of time? Why must I always leave everything to the last minute? I hope this doesn't mean I need to buy a dayplanner; I mean what am I, 19?

Thursday, February 12, 2004

foiled once more 

I have been duped once again by a chain e-mail posing as something it is, in fact, not!
In this case, a third-grade class project. Grumble.
I seem to always get suckered into these things based on aspects of the dialogue they contain. Most particularly: 'Send this to 10 people, and watch what happens. It's really cool!'
And then when I do send it to ten people....nothing happens. That's right. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. And then I know I have just broken 'The Rule of Chain Mail'. The rule simply states that the objective of all chain mails is to ultimately dupe as many people as possible into sending it back to the creator and, thus, one must never, ever, EVER respond to them.
Shame on me.

Have you ever noticed that the meaning on Valentines Day to an individual varies year to year? Fully dependant upon the 'love/relationship' state that the person is in?
I am completely stoked on it this year, whereas, in previous years, not so terribly excited. Maybe it is mostly because last night while we were watching television, Matt said, 'I haven't had time to go shopping for you yet'. Yay! Somebody shopping for me when it is not my birthday or Christmas! Oh, my. I don't get out nearly enough, do I? :~)

the sound you make with your mouth duct taped shut 

I need to do laundry BADLY. Well, at least the shirts. I can't remember the last time my shirts smelled so gross...
Don't get me wrong; this is from having to wear them in thick layers. But I know what you were thinking. Shut up.
The last time my clothes were really disgusting on a daily basis was back when I was still landscaping. It was amazing how quickly I ran out of work clothes if I didn't wash something everyday. I know...I may as well have gone to work in dirty clothes, but have you ever tried to put on jeans caked in a weeks' worth of mud? And then walk around in them? Not comfy stuff, I tell you.
Anyway, this shirt smells like a landscaper's shirt. It's just repulsive. I would never have worn it if I would have given it a test smell before I rushed off to work. At least my hair is clean. Even if it is currently swathed in my light pink tuque.
What can you do.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004


I set out to write about something. And now, for the life of me, I can't think of what it was I was going to write.
Fucking crap.


Can't stop sneezing. I am allergic to life.
I hate CorelDraw today; it took me two whole hours to figure out how to do one little thing... and it's something I did know how to do back in August.
I probably shouldn't complain about illness. Matty woke up feeling like shit this morning, and he has to spend his day carrying a heavy bag and walking outside. Even if it gets cold. Yeah, I should suck it up. I get to sit indoors in front of a computer. Tough life.

Here's a funny little site I found (ever notice how the sites I pick to link to are so... random??). You get to build a vitual model of yourself.
Hey, I get bored periodically. I require amusement at these points in time.
I know you're laughing at me. Bite me. >:-X

Could this day go any slower???????
Don't you detest those days when you look at the clock *half an hour later* than when you first looked at it, and it is still exactly THE SAME DAMN HELL ASS TIME.
Yes... I am fully aware of this being utter bullshit, but I am sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. It seems to be the same time.
Ah, well.

I made a nasty, unhealthy lunch today (all except for the tangelo, on which I spared no expense last night at Safeway). We had leftover beef/refried bean mix from our heart attack dinner, so I rolled some of it into a spinach tortilla with some cheese, bacon bits (don't even ask), salsa (yum...pineapple peach...), and some sour cream. See, the beef was lean, but we used it without thawing it out first, so all the fat ended up getting absorbed into the onions that were fried with it. Beef fat is so disgusting. At least we no longer eat in this manner every night. I am positive that I feel thinner >:-P

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

BBH stands for Bloody Buggery Hell 

Hmm...it occurs to me that I completely berated unknown amounts of people last week (I think it was last week...) for bad spelling and grammar. It was then brought to my attention that periodically, I suffer lapses in my *immaculate* sense of spelling and grammar.
Meh. As long as the point I am trying to make is clear enough.

You wake to another day and find
the wind is blowing out of key with your sky
only you can see

wow...that's really orange... 

I dress more and more like a slob everyday.
Currently, I am wearing the two items of clothing best suited to my slobbery.

1) My light pink tuque that, incidentally, could use a run thru the washing machine.

2) My navy blue sweater with the bees on the sleeves that my mother hates, and everytime she sees me wearing it, she grabs her sewing kit and patches up any new holes.

I don't think I have sported a different hairstyle in weeks, either. Always the two braids, which showcase the grubby brownish/blonde colour (state) of my hair. Honest, it looked hot when I first had it done.
I think it is all due, primarily, to the fact that I can't afford to dress much nicer at the moment. If I didn't have so many bills to pay (grr...the car again...), I would look like a million bucks!

and then...???? 

Ugh. I can't help but feel annoyed when the only e-mail I get from someone has nothing to do with the occurences in their life, but is yet another forwarded message ::that I have already received at least fifty times previously!:: Does this mean that people assume I don't give a rats ass what is going on with them? What an awful thing to assume...
Or does everyone think I am too busy to respond to personal e-mails?
This is an even more dreadful assumption...particularly for those who have known me for years.
I am lazy. Lazy people are not busy, outside of work hours, that is.
Assuming that they do indeed work.
I work.
Meh. Do what you want. You will feel bad when you have made me cry from neglect.
I really can't stand it when people blatantly refuse to do their jobs correctly.
As a wait/er/ress, it's in your job description to listen carefully to what I am ordering, so that there is no chance of you screwing it up. In the event that you do screw up, you will get no tip. NO TIP.
If I order a drink, I had better damn well get it; simply forgetting about it and then telling me I wasn't charged for it anyway...bullshit is what that is.
How do you forget something like that when I held the bloody menu to your face and even gave you the number of it so you would not forget??

I was a waitress in college.
I never forgot anything. It was in my job description not to forget anything.
I made lots of tips with which to go drinking and drugging.
Kiss my big ass.

Monday, February 09, 2004

the mouse on this machine sucks my ass... 

I love oranges. And salads. They are both my new obsession(s).
As for oranges, we are almost out! There two left, I think. I wasn't really watching when I was grabbing one out of the bag for lunch...
My current favourite lunch salads are a) the chicken BLT salad from Wendy's (if I can afford it on a particular day) or b) this tasty little dealie I make by myself at home with Romaine lettuce hearts, shredded sharp cheddar, and bacon (actually fake-on) bits with Kraft, low-fat Catalina dressing.
They're both good stuff, I tell ya! It's all part of my 'lose weight' crusade. It's just embarrassing when you have size 9 pants that you actually have to squeeze into.
M*** and I are getting pretty good at not running to the 'sev for evening snackies. It's a little tough when they start running adds like the Dairy Queen ice cream cake add at 8:30 at night...and Dairy Queen is soooo nearby! But no, we've been quite good. Only oranges and/or yogurt at that time of night.

Crap, I can't go swimming tonight, I just figured out! I have to go out with E*** and the girls for her b-day (actually tomorrow, but D** has to go back out to the 'Fort for work then). On the bright side, we're going for Vietnamese. Yum. I can say, screw swimming for one night.
So, M*** and I rented 'Vanilla Sky' yesterday because, like I said before (or did I?), he hadn't seen it yet. ::YAY::, someone finally agrees with me; TECH SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is funny, and it was not intended to be!
For those of you who don't have a clue what the hell I am talking about, go rent it. It's near the end, so you will have to watch the movie in its entirety, which is not a bad thing. No fast-forwarding, you little impatient sons of bitches! That's just...dumb.

My left shoulder is just killing me. I slept on the other side of the bed Saturday night, and I woke up pained. I think I'll stick to my side from now on; M*** can keep the 'pained' side!

Why won't any of my posts publish?? I don't know. Life is unfair.
One thing that really gets on my nerves...have you ever read someone's webpage/blog and noticed all the horrible spelling? Spell check exists for a reason, people.
And for those of you who employ words improperly...well, there is always that dictionary from highschool gathering dust under your bed.

Then again, if you have not learned how to spell/use words properly by the age of ten, how the fuck is it my fault? Why do I even bother...

fuck the world, and fuck you too 

I have no hope left for humankind. No wait a minute...I never had any hope for humankind to begin with.
I finally realized why I don't hang out much with my friends anymore- they have become so boring. They are all under the impression that life is over after the age of 21 and, thus, act accordingly.
I find this preposterous beyong compare. For awhile, I could see glimpses of promise in the evolution of women. But just as quickly, this 'promise' has degenerated. Women are once again overly concerned with being married, having children, and owning a home...all by the *ripe old age* of 30.
Bah. This, to me, is fully bullshit. It's a recipe for early divorce and general unhappiness. And if these ideals are brought on by parents, well, think about the generation gap. It's not even a gap, but a gaping canyon. You're better off saying, 'screw it, this is my life, and I will deal with it in any way that I see fit'.

Narrowmindedness, however, runs deep.

I hate my car a lot. There's always something or other wrong with it, and it is getting to the point that I no longer have the $$ to fix it everytime some new problem emerges! My brother has said he needs a car...I think that as a selfless gesture, I should give this piece of work to him. Of course, in my world, nobody rides for free...he'll just inherit all the car troubles that I no longer wish to waste my time and money on. I'm such a great human being.

Friday, February 06, 2004

back in the 'nam 

The year I turned 25, I had a fling with a 19-year-old. His name was Karl, and he was this cute little skateboarder with red hair. I basically did it because he thought I was hot, and to be honest, the choice of men my age at the time was horrific.
I remember telling this to bf, and he laughed at me! He said that there was a vague possibility I may have pedophilic tendencies.
I said to him, no way. I used to have a friend who only had flings with younger guys, but her version of 'younger' would often include minors. Pedophilic tendencies, indeed.

I have no idea what made me think of that, all of a sudden.
For no apparent reason, I have also suddenly thought of that Outkast video.
Must be Friday...

bloody, buggery hell 

My eyes are suddenly becoming itchy and sore. I have 'cold' eyes!
I am dying! I don't think I have been sick this many times since 1994!
And all I do is eat oranges...

Thursday, February 05, 2004

to the end, to the end 

Matty came from far away,
from New Orleans into the East Bay.
He said, 'This is a mecca',
I said, 'This ain't no mecca, man,
this place is fucked.'

-Rancid, Journey To The End of the East Bay

daily definition 

1 a : one that retires from society and lives in solitude especially for religious reasons : RECLUSE b obsolete : BEADSMAN
2 : a spiced molasses cookie

That is what comes up when you search for the definition of the word 'hermit' (Meriam-Webster Dictionary, Online Edition).
Personally, I think I rather fit the second definition.