jump out, jump out, get your groove on [i lit a joint and burned my eyebrow] <$BlogRSDURL$>

Friday, October 29, 2004

you know what's aqwedsome:"? drunk posts dude. drunk poats are the shoit. especially becuase tommoerow i'm gnna lokmaat this shoit and be sll 'whoa, whatr the fuck dude? i don't get what the hell is gojng on.' and shit like thar. you know how it is.

say goodnight means goodbye 


I don't know what the hell has gotten into me lately, but perhaps in my advanced age, I am becoming ridiculously nostalgic. The picture? That's The Republik. It was my favourite bar of all time but, sadly, it closed it's doors in April of 2000. It wasn't some high-class establishment; in fact, it was grotty, old, dark, and had some of the most disgusting restrooms I've ever encountered (not the worst, but definitely included in my 'top five repulsive restrooms ever visited). And for six glorious years it was an odd kind of heaven on earth for much of the city's young and restless, myself included. Not being into the 'Top 40' scene, The Repub' was a much-needed escape for me. On any given night, I could be cutting a rug (very badly indeed) alongside suits, goths, frat boys, and hipsters simultaneously... and unpretentiously. Some of the best live shows I've ever had the privilege of attending were taken in here- all for fucking satanically low prices. It was like once you came in through those doors, it didn't matter who you were, and everything was about the music, the booze, the company, and just enjoying the time. It was a place to run into people you hadn't seen in ages. It was a place where you might strike up a conversation with someone just because you noticed them enjoying the same song as you. It was a place where some of the greatest drinking stories of all time were spawned (believe me- some of the greatest ever). It was a place with a killer hot dog stand out front, for those nights when you had to wait in line for half an hour (or, when you were stumbling out of the bar; inebriated and convinced that a hot dog would cure your inability to stand up on your own). I was beyond myself when I learned that it was closing its doors for a final time, back in the Spring of 2000, and I knew that it was the end of an era. The end of The Republik, and a part of my youth. So what better way to pay tribute to what had been, undoubtedly, the best six years of my young life, than to rock out at the farewell bash for my most beloved club? And that's what I did, on a Saturday night in April, 2000... on a table next to a hipster, a goth, and a frat boy.


[sorry to those of you who read this who are unfamiliar with calgary, or calgary circa 1986-2000, and are somewhat baffled at this blatant 'scenester' post. we've all been scenesters at sometime or other; don't give me that look. we all were, in our own little ways. like i said, i've been going through this whole nostalgic phase lately, and i start remembering stuff i used to do that was cool, and people who i used to know who were awesome... and i'm thinking that my next few posts may follow the same route, until i just get over myself. hey, i'm coming up on the final two years of my twenties, and that's somewhat of a big deal to me. give me a goddammed break.]

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

ghettos part 1.5 

Do you ever want to be mean to someone for no reason other than that they are the antithesis of you? If you said no, you're lying. And nobody likes a liar.

we're in the ghettos of dreaming 

I was bored yesterday, and I ended up buying an Etch-A-Sketch. For real. I never had one as a child, but I didn't really need to have one since every kid and their dog I knew had one. Whatever. I think it's ten bucks well spent... I could've easily spent the money on a couple of shitty, watered down drinks at the neighbourhood dive bar. And that would have just sucked royally. Good to know I'm making solid financial decisions these days.

I am a firm believer in shared household chores, and normally I do my part, but these days I seem to be adopting the attitude of 'I didn't make that mess, and I am not going to clean it up. Even if it means living in squalor. And I hate squalor. Hate it. But there is a lesson to be taught here, and if I'm not the one doing the teaching, no one else is going to do it.' I don't know what exactly my problem is, but I do not want to touch the dishes this time around. Even with gloves. And, yes, I do happen to have a pair of gloves for every household chore: one pair for the bathroom, one pair for the dishes, and one pair for cleaning the fridge. Cleaning the fridge? Is so repulsive, but it's better than having a 'mystery odour' wafting out everytime you open the door. Anyway, the dishes. Maybe I'm pissed off because out of everything that is currently residing in the sink and on the counter around it, less than a quarter of it is mine. I think I've mentioned before that I actually don't have a problem with using the same plate for several different meals. Or the same cutlery, for that matter. I dislike opening up the cutlery drawer and realizing that the only clean utensils available are... knives. What the fuck am I going to do with just knives? Jebus. Maybe it's just me realizing that I do not like to live with others. 'Others', meaning 'more than one other person'. Do women outgrow the need for roommates before men? Then maybe that's the problem. Either way, I'm ready to proclaim that my assigned chore will be to clean the bathroom, and I will be responsible for washing only dishes that I have cooked with or eaten off of/out of/with the assistance of. Yes, people have asked me why we do not own a dishwasher. We do. But it's one of those annoying things that you have to wheel across the kitchen and plug into the sink. And that's just a goddamned waste of time, if you ask me. So maybe I just plain don't like to do dishes, right? You know what, Einstein? I think you may have just hit the nail on the head. So, then, what of shared household chores? Fuck 'em. Sharing is for losers, anyway.


Tuesday, October 26, 2004

free teflon whitewashed presidency 

Stupid question of the week: 'Are you a bitch on purpose?'
Answer for stupid question: 'Well, of course. I don't actually think it's possible to be a bitch by accident.'


So, here's my beef of the day. For someone to be your friend in the present tense, all (or at least some) of the following must apply:

1) you call/email/snail mail/messenger/speak to the person on a fairly regular basis

2) when they are in your hometown or vice versa, you make plans to meet up (and, by the way, these plans must actually happen unless there is some dire emergency and they must be scrapped, regretfully)

3) 10 years must not have elapsed since you've done any of the things in 1) (because let's face it, 10 years is a goddamned long time to have to catch up on everything that's gone on in someone's life)

If none of these things is true about your 'friend' they are, unfortunately, a 'past tense friend', or an 'old' friend, if that suits you better. I love it when people keep repeating anecdotes about something they did with their friends like it happened recently, and then you find out that they actually no longer speak to this person, and the story happened 15 years ago, and they actually have no clue of the whereabouts of this 'friend'. I mean, fuck, I'd live in the past constantly, but I'm over it. Anyway, I like my present tense friends best... and it's kind of embarrassing to get caught talking to yourself.


Monday, October 25, 2004

i'd even have wayne newton dedicate a song to you 

You knew it had to happen sooner or later... but just to be fair, I'm going to keep it short. It's bad enough that my friends outside of blog country are ready to have me killed if I don't shut up about the Eagles. But the Eagles. How can I shut up when it's what is shaping up to be their best season ever? It'd be a crime not to mention that Philly is only one of two undeafeated teams in the NFL. And I think most of all, I'd just like to rub this season in the smug faces of the Green Bay fans in Cowtown that I call my friends. Just for doubting that the Eagles could ever be a team this good. I know; I'm way too fucking excited. GOOOOO EAGLES!!!!!!

(oh yeah, and for something not related to football... how 'bout those red sox?)


Friday, October 22, 2004

slightly bored and severely confused 

I will never let you have bad taste in clothing. If you go shopping with me and try something on that you like, but that I think is hideous? I will tell you. I will never let you leave the house looking like shit. I may not allow you to leave looking better than me, but I'll still let you know if I think the skirt you picked is not particularly flattering, or if the shoes you've selected don't go with your outfit. If you look fat in something, I will say, 'You look fat in that'. Because it's better if I say it than if some hoochie girls whisper and laugh about it at the bar. I will not tell you what happened in Season 7 of 'Buffy' if you didn't watch most of it. I will give you the episodes I taped, instead, and I will eventually suggest that we pool our money together and buy the entire series on DVD. I will politely ask you to change the subject if I think you are talking shop too much in my presence; especially if it is about a place of work where the two of us have not been employed together. I will let you know if the guy hitting on you is a complete loser, even if you think he's pretty nice. I will tell you that you need to eat something if I think you're looking too skinny these days. Not because I'm jealous, but because I am concerned that you may have an eating disorder. I will take you out for drinks on your birthday when all of our other friends are too lame to want to go out during the week. I will force you to watch NFL Sunday football with me sometimes, because I don't think you watch enough sports and, besides, you made me go to that stupid home and garden show. You know how much I hate that shit so, in comparison, football really can't be that much for you to suffer through. I will call you sometimes just to talk, even though I really can't stand talking on the phone.
I'm a good friend like that.



Thursday, October 21, 2004

lend me some sugar, i am your neighbour 

'Billy Jean' is playing on the radio right now. Fuck, CKUA is my favourite radio station ever. No rhyme or reason to what gets played; you could get a playlist with Beethoven's 3rd, Motorhead's Ace of Spades, and then a Purple Haze cover by a quintet of clarinetists. Nice.
Hey, am I lame because I find 'Smallville' to be an entertaining show? Sure, it's pretty cheesy at times, but I'm honestly pretty tired of all of these reality shows, and watching the adventures of Clark Kent before he ever became Superman is some pretty good escapism for when I grow weary of watching families swap moms, and people getting home makeovers (seriously, they have a home makeover show on almost every fucking channel right now... what the shit?).

And now to keep with todays running theme which is... randomness:

Ten Random Things

1) Why do some people think it's a good idea to tailgate others when roads are slippery? I mean, when is it ever adviseable for you to be the one who causes the accident (because, presumeably, if you are the cause of the collision, it's your insurance rate that is subject to an increase)? That's what I thought.

2) I hate it when someone keeps asking me the same question (ie: Where are you working these days?) everytime I run into them... and I run into them more than twice or three times a month. Fucking clean your ears out, dude. I can't stand repetition- particularly when I'm the one who has to repeat myself.

3) People who try to run you down when you're using a pedestrian crossing, and then have the nerve to give you a dirty look like you're the one at fault for getting in their way? Should be killed. Execution style.

4) The only writing utensils I currently have at my desk at work are red. I have three red drafting pencils (I don't know why; I haven't drafted anything by hand at this job ever), and a red pen. Weird.

5) I so love people who don't dress for the weather, and then expect sympathy when they say, 'I'm cold'. Who the hell told you to wear open-toed, high-heeled shoes and a spring jacket in the -30 degree celsius weather, anyway? That's right. Quit your whining. I wish you pneumonia.

6) Bangs do not look good on everybody.

7) Two weeks ago, I bought a bunch of new spoons to add to the cutlery drawer, because we had lost many of ours. Two weeks later, and I can only account for three spoons in the entire house. None of which are the spoons that I had purchased.

8) People, 'irregardless' is NOT a word. Seriously, it's not:

[Probably blend of irrespective, and regardless.]
Usage Note: Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so.


9) I have to laugh when cute babies grow up to be hideously ugly children. It's just funny.

10) The most annoying thing I can think of to do right now is to put my radio out in the hallway, play it really loud, and invite everybody to my 'dance party'. If there was ever a sure way to alienate your co-workers (particularly in a place where most people actually like to work)? I think this one's the winner.


Wednesday, October 20, 2004

plastic passion is a diamond delight 

I woke up this morning to a burning smell. At first scent, the odour was that of matches. Not really alarming, since we often use matches to light a bowl. As I walked up the stairs, the smell grew kind of... different. You know when your heater goes on after months and months of being shut off? It was like that, but with something additional- something vaguely sweet...rotten maybe? What smells like that? What the fuck is up with the heater? I went into the bathroom, and because the bathroom is small, all smells coming up through heating vents are fairly concentrated in there. So, here was this stench of burning/sweetness/rotting- something really not quite right. I went downstairs, and the Boy asked me if I could smell the burning, and why the hell it smelled so strong and odd. Just then, I figured out what it was...

We have mice. While they're not always obvious, they're around. Anyway, the sweet and rotten burning smell? I've concluded that it was caused by one of said mice taking a tumble down a vent into the heater and, thus, being burned to a crisp.

I sincerely hope you weren't very hungry today.



Tuesday, October 19, 2004

lesson: how to be a better person 

Don't think that because of the title I'm going to get all fuzzy bunnies on you. I hope you know better than that.
There's no one who realizes better than I do that of late, this blog has become more about the people/things/situations that annoy and irritate me, and less about... well, about whatever it used to be about. But that's not the point. There's something I need to get out of my system one final time (promise, and without crossing my fingers behind my back like a sissy first-grader) before it eats away at me and I start thinking that maybe people aren't so bad, and I'm the one overreacting.
I firmly believe that some people out there need a fucking wake up call. Because these people think that *life is not fair*, and *I'm always being picked on*, and *you're always so mean to me*. Shut up, already. Life's not fair? Well, make it fair, dumbass.

I've always been a champion of the underdog- always stood up for the geeks and the socially inept because, really, they couldn't always 'have it coming' to them, could they? In the past few years, however, I've changed my mind about this (not in all situations, but just hear me out). It's not that I won't stick up for someone who's taking abuse that they did not bring upon themselves, because I will defend people like that in a heartbeat; but I can see why certain individuals annoy the piss out of others, and probably deserve nothing other than a good solid backhand to help them snap out of it. Failing that, I am am wont to suggest to them... life as a hermit. I hear that works wonders on the socially retarded.

People who try to make a conversation about anything, even though there is really nothing of value to say? Need a hefty kick in the teeth. No shit. I mean, there are times when silence is so fucking golden that you could be rolling in the dough off of it, and then you get the 'nobody is saying anything, so I will because I really like the sound of my own voice' people opening their yaps to spew their utterly useless points of view. Honey, if I cared what you thought? I would have actually asked for your opinion. I don't care for pointless banter; it pollutes my environment.

And how about those wonderful people who think they are being sociable and polite... when they're actually only being patronizing? Please don't tell me these folks don't need a slap. I don't give a rat's ass if you don't like me, because I am quite aware of the fact that I am not a terribly likeable person at the best of times. Just don't make it worse by trying to cover it up with patronism. Not only is it insulting, but it's downright repulsive. When you hate someone? Don't talk to them period. And do not even try to tell me that I don't know how it is, and how it's actually possible to grow to like someone you've despised your whole life. It's my rule. If I don't like you right now, I am never, ever going to like you.

The worst type of person by far, however, is the kind of person who pretty much spends his/her life bitching about how bad things are all the time, but never does a damned thing to correct the situation. Okay, so you're a fucking computer-genius-nerd-type person, and you sit around playing PC games a lot and get upset because no one ever calls you to go out and do anything. Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that it's not them- it's you. I mean, why does is the onus always on the other person to pick up the phone? Perhaps you have no hands? Of course you have hands. You're just a spoiled bastard, and can't understand why things are not always done the way you like them.
Or maybe you're a pseudo-intellectual type, who has never had a girlfriend, and can't understand why. Oh, I'll tell you why. Maybe it's that stupid high-pitched laugh you always make when you think something is funny. Or maybe it's that you're constantly making sexist remarks when there are women present. But I think it's actually that even if you have very little self-esteem, you still think you're better, or smarter, or more attractive than every living creature around you. Well, listen here. Just because your mom tells you that? Doesn't make it so. Not by a long shot.

So, what I think I'm actually trying to get at (before I went completely ballistic-nutso-rant-o-rama on your asses) is that the longer I am alive, the less willing I am to overlook the faults of others, and the more willing I am to be outright mean about these faults. Especially if they are faults that are presumeably self-imposed, and able to be fixed. And I am definitely not implying that there are people out there who are perfect- that's not possible; not even in another lifetime where everybody is a cockroach. I just think there are ways to become a less annoying person to others. Ways that won't end in me punching you in the kidney. Unless you happen to really dig kidney punches. You're a special kind of stupid if you do.

Monday, October 18, 2004

the notes are old; they bend, they fold 

In case anyone gives a crap, it's Monday. And I totally want to shoot the whole day down; or maybe that's just the Boomtown Rats. Please excuse how random this is going to be, but I am sick (not anything serious, but I definitely have some weird cold-like thing going on, and my head feels XXL right about now), and I just really want to go home, crawl into bed, and sleep. Or die. Probably just sleep, though. Dying can be strangely overrated.

I spent much of Saturday hungover. Like, the kind of hungover where I awoke at ten in the a.m., and my head hurt too much for me to even consider going back to sleep. The kind of drunk where you start to think playing 'extreme' darts is cool, and you take half an hour in the can because you are effectively 'lost' in the stall, and you try to steal some kid's skateboard on the street, and you rip an L-shaped hole in your pants from a nail in the stairs that, under any other circumstance you know is there and always manage to avoid...? Fuck that kind of drunk. Right now, I never want to drink again, blah, blah, all lies, blah.

Do you ever notice that when you're never, ever mean to anybody, you're the sucker who gets saddled with the $200 tab at the bar (where half of the drinks are for people you don't even recognize), you always have to pick up the assholes who don't own cars (and live at the other end of the city from you, to boot), and friends who are perenially unemployed always roll into town to visit you?
I've never noticed.

Chew on that.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

collapsing galaxies feathered with falling stars 

Nobody called, nobody cares. I don't like posting from home- it is so not bad ass enough for me. I also really hate this computer. None of the settings are mine, there are no software packages on it- using this thing is frustrating and slow. And I'm way too tired this week to post anything coherent. So, I mean to postpone any further communication until I no longer have to wake up at 6 in the goddamned morning against my will. In other words, don't expect me back until next week. See you then.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

rocks hit the water like broken glass 

Five Random Things

1) Shatner has a new album. You know you want it.

2) I never realized until very recently that I may have some form of dyslexia. I am not at all shocked/surprised. I also don't much give a shit.

3) If someone runs over your foot with a car, it's all fine and good to put your fist through their windshield. And if you don't, there's just something severely wrong with you.

4) Is the reason that they don't make a version of 'Survivor' set in the Canadian wilderness because everybody would fucking die within the first week?

5) No one I know remembers this show. That I found the link? Proves that everyone I know is on crack, and I'm the only one normal. If you still don't know what I'm talking about (unless you're not old enough or something like that)... I have nothing to say to you right now.


Tuesday, October 12, 2004

he was all she ever had and now she wanted to die 

Hi! Well, work strikes are... cold. That's about it. Cold, and the four hours you have to stand out there with a funny sign around your neck? Feels kinda like ten. Plus, I think before 8 in the a.m., I already had more caffeine coursing through my veins than... well, than I ever do. I very rarely drink coffee, and I mostly only drink herbal tea. I know what you're thinking- the soda/pop. Well, that doesn't count. IT DOESN'T. Isn't this all so very exciting? No, no it isn't. Apologies.

**********

Hey, did you know that I can't comment on a lot of your blogs for my home computer? I haven't quite figured out why that is, but it's not that I'm not reading. Sometimes this machine just won't bring up comment boxes, or it can't access some comment systems because you may have a high security setting going on, and our computer is full of viruses and shit. I don't want to give anybody viruses inadvertently. I'm a good person like that.

**********

I'm watching Jeopardy!. On the basement T.V. with the screwed up colour. Things
look a lot greener.
I also just baked a whole bunch of cookies because nobody is home, so I actually
have room in the kitchen to do stuff. They're chocolate chip, in case anyone cared.

**********

I just saw on the news that a guy was killed up near Edmonton when his truck
was broadsided at an intersection on the highway. Some bastard had removed the
stop sign.

**********

Well... in response to Arran's query of whether or not I ended up eating everything I wanted on Thanksgiving (because I am having this ridiculous blog comment/not able to problem.... grrrr):

I ate turkey TWICE. No ham, no shark steak. Somewhat disappointing, but then again I got lots of leftovers from the second turkey dinner. And brussel sprouts.
Does anyone else like brussel sprouts? Or are they actually called brussels sprouts? Whatever. I heart food.

**********

Wow... I'm rambly today. And I didn't say 'fuck' very much. Well, to remedy
that? FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK.
Nice.

**********

Hey,
Hugo's
back. Cool, man. Fucking rad.

This is a lame post, I know. Once things get back to normal the quality will improve, but I don't know if I can promise too much until then. Okay... I do know that I can't. With any luck, I should be back inside by the end of the week. I need the dough. Don't do lounge act things without me...

Monday, October 11, 2004

saw your van on the sand and i don't understand 

Union strikes for people like me are bullshit. Why? Because folks like me aren't all that proactive. I'd rather stay at home watching MacGyver on channel 25 than show workforce solidarity. Everybody knows that I don't do picket lines. The extent of my picketing? Will consist of me cowering from the cold under a pine tree, sipping coffee laced with booze out of my Starfucks coffee mug (a gift from a friend) and doing not much of anything else. If I'm so indifferent to belonging to unions, then why don't I go find another job, you ask? Well fuck you for asking. Other jobs would have me doing 'team building' activities, such as going to bars that I'd rather be shot point blank in the face than be seen there, and socializing with people who I would never give the time of day to if they weren't my co-workers. Other jobs would have me appearing at various black tie events, or playing golf. Black tie events? Pretentious. Golf? Did I ever mention that the only aspects of golf that appeal to me are that the courses are pretty, and I get to tear around them in a little shitty cart hammered out of my skull (hey, if you send those stupid beer sluts around constantly, it's your fault I got drunk and ruined all of the greens)? So, no, I do not find it necessary for me to change my line of work right now. I'm just saying. Strikes are kind of waste of my time. Unless, of course, my salary ends up being increased by some retarded amount.

This post is just not really about anything. Well, shut up. It's the last day of the long weekend. I'll post whatever I want to.

Friday, October 08, 2004

i don't need a real title- i'm too cool for titles 

Let me get one thing straight. I have no problem with a person being perenially happy- just as long as I know for a fact that their happiness is genuine. I do, however, have a huge problem with someone who is always smiling and not 'taking things too seriously' when I am completely aware that it is an act. I mean, come on, someone who is never (and I do mean NEVER) in a bad mood? That's somehow not cool; it actually pushes the creep factor right through the roof for me. A person like that is just begging for me to unload my bitterness onto them in a way they probably never suspected of me (yeah right), and I don't care if it ruins their day. I have no problem if a person is in a good mood, but for fucks sakes... all this smiling and sunshine and butterflies and rainbows shit gets super old with me if it's perpetual. And I also have no problem wishing a person like this... SARS, avian flu, West Nile Virus, and quite possibly Montezuma's Revenge. See how much you want to smile after that.

So, again. Let me get one thing straight. Never try to pull the happy-go-lucky-never-anything-wrong crap with me. I will write you off as a phony. And don't try to tell me you're not... because you totally are. And it probably runs in the family.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

and i gotta give love to the green leaves 

You've gotta give props to kids these days. At least they're blackening their lungs in a way that I fully approve. Speaking of which... remember whippits? Mmmm... hippie crack. Uh, yeah. That's enough of that, then.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

admit that the waters around you have grown 

I'm here. I'm just too busy to post anything worthwhile, as I will be going on strike next week (goddamned union shit) and I have to get as much done as possible by Friday. So, I'll be lurking around- just not putting anything much up in the next couple of days. If you really want some excitement, maybe you should just go check out the Mount St. Helens Web Cam. The apocalypse is upon us, dude. But that's what I always say... and I tend to exaggerate things way fucking more than is acceptable. It's funnier that way. Really. Later, ya lounge acts.

Monday, October 04, 2004

idolized by zeros 


The show was so good that we're going to the second show in November. I'm hard core like that.

Friday, October 01, 2004

as your spine starts to shine, you shiver at your soul 

'Tis the winter of my discontent. Not really. It's just goddamned cold outside, and instead of apples and raking leaves, I already feel like Christmas trees, and fireplaces, and the blue mittens with monkeys on them. Insanity.

Ten Random Things

1) I hate how I had to finally end my boycott of Starfucks. Hate. It. That chai latte was really good, though.

2) I found my red Puma ballcap. After over three months of it being lost. How do you lose a red hat, anyway?

3) I don't like people who talk too little. I don't like people who talk more than I do. I don't like people who have annoying laughs. I don't like people who think they are being politically correct, but they are really insulting me. Hell, I probably just don't like people all that much.

4) Just because people are Asian, it doesn't necessarily mean they are Chinese. I mean, dude, there are tons of Asian countries besides China. Or did you just fucking fail geography?

5) Don't you hate it when someone other than yourself washes the dishes and then you pick up a plate (or whatever you need to use, but I'm saying a plate for argument's sake) and find there is a layer of grease on it? How the fuck does that even classify as washing the dishes? Don't they have to be clean for them to be considered 'washed'?

6) I like Halloween WAY better than I like Christmas... and I don't even get any gifts at Halloween. I just get drunk.

7) Right now, I feel like rolling back and forth down the hallway in my chair on the off chance that it will annoy the piss out of everybody, and they will suggest that I take the rest of the day off for the sake of my mental health.

8) I am allowed to watch 'Buffy' reruns every day of the week if I fucking want to, because I am the one paying for cable- not you.

9) Do you ever just make fun of people because there's nothing else to do?

10) Why do people keep calling my work number asking if this is the CIBC Bank? I looked up their number and other than the first digit? Nowhere near being the same. Not even remotely. To boot, these people are always like, 'Are you sure this isn't the bank?' No. This actually IS the bank and I'm lying to you for my own personal amusement. Assholes.