jump out, jump out, get your groove on [i lit a joint and burned my eyebrow] <$BlogRSDURL$>

Friday, February 11, 2005

we could leave this town and run forever 

This can only mean one thing, people... it's moving day! That's right, I have moved to a new blog. It's just time for that. Anyway, let's get to the good stuff. Here's the new address:


You can still link to ILJ if you like, since it's not like I'm taking it down or anything. In fact, it's linked at least 3 times at the new digs. But enough of this chitchat- get your ass over to the new crib to chill out.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

living just to find emotion 

I'm thinking of moving the blog. How does that strike you? (Not deleting it, just giving it some new digs.)

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

the ghost in you 

Well, here we are. It's the post-Superbowl slump that I always seem to get into. Maybe this means I should try to focus less energy on football in the future? Nah. That's crazy talk.

You may have guessed that I don't have very much going on right now and, thus, I have nothing good to write about. So, I'll post this picture of my new boots:
maybe not the prettiest, girliest boots ever, but holy fuck are they ever comfortable
and I will provide with a list. It's the least that I can do. I mean, does it get much worse than this? Football is over (Pro Bowl is fun, but it doesn't really count), there's no NHL season this year, produce is expensive, and it's still goddamned February. I may have to go insane.

Things That Annoy Me To No End

1) fruit flies (if you have roomies/significant others who leave food lying around on the counter, then you probably feel my pain)

2) shoelaces coming untied when it's wet/slushy/muddy outside (especially if i've already stepped on them a couple of times)

3) not having a garage in which to park my car (i have no one but myself to blame)

4) getting my hair cut and having not even one person notice until i mention it

5) looking for a lightbulb and not being able to find one less than 100 watts

6) buying a new jar of mustard and then finding a half-full one at the back of the fridge

7) people who claim to be vegetarians, yet still eat fish and chicken (dude... eating any kind of animal disqualifies you from vegetarianism, and don't EVEN try to tell me about the 'exceptions')

8) people who keep calling and refuse to leave messages on the phone ('i'll just call back later'- what are you, psychic? do you know exactly when the person will be back? no? then maybe you should just get over yourself and leave a goddamned message already)

9) insistance that snowboarding is better than skiing (one isn't better than the other- they're both equal)

10) going to the supermarket not once, but twice, and both times coming back with everything but what i meant to get

Monday, February 07, 2005

if i could find you now things would get better 

Yeah, I'm disappointed. But you know how it is- too many turnovers does not a football game win. Either way, I'm still proud of the Eagles for getting to the Superbowl to begin with. We'll be back next year... and we'll be better. Oh, and because I'm a way better sport than everybody on earth combined, congrats to the Patriots.

And just like that? I'm all out of words.
donovan congratulates tom on a job well done.

Friday, February 04, 2005

crack up in the sun, lose it in the shade 

Do you have a drink already? If not, you might want to go grab one of these from the bar. Or maybe you'd like some of these instead?

So, what IS this, you ask? Dude, did you not get the invitation yesterday? And if you did, why the hell didn't you read it? It's the ILJ 1st birthday bash, and we're going to party all day. Or maybe that's just me. Either way, pull up a chair, grab a beverage, and stay awhile.

i lit a joint... is definitely not the most interesting blog out there. It's not the prettiest, and the writing found on it is not exactly eloquent. If anything, it's pretty goddamned boring on most days, the layout is none too special, and the language (holy shit, the language!) used here is downright crass and offensive. On the other hand, things do tend to get exciting here once in awhile, sometimes I get it right and the layout looks pretty good, and a lot of times you can actually find words posted that you can be proud to add to your vocabulary. I didn't start this blog so that people would like me (that's just a given- I'm the most fucking likeable person on the planet... and not just because my mom tells me that). I didn't start it to be trendy. You know what? Who cares about this shit? Happy birthday ILJ. This past year has been a slice and a half, so let's just keep the insanity going. It's time to party, goddammit. In honour of this occasion, here is a list I posted at some point in the past (and had to go through pretty much all of the archives to find because my brain doesn't work), and the first really good post that ever appeared on ILJ. Stop sipping that booze like a pussy lounge act- CHUG ALREADY, BECAUSE THE KEG IS HERE!!!!

Funniest list EVER on ILJ:

Ten Things To Do To Get Fired From a Job You Hate (Doesn't apply to my job, though. My job rocks your ass. That's right. Yours.)

1) Instead of refilling the photocopier with toner, fill it with RED INK.

2) Tell your boss that you're pretty sure the Rogaine isn't working... and has he ever considered hair plugs?

3) Insist on using hard-core porn scenes as the wallpaper on your computer monitor. And make sure there are SOUNDS to go with it.

4) Fill the coffee maker with motor oil.

5) Always call your annoying co-worker a name that isn't hers/his when referring to her/him, especially in front of your boss. Example: 'Good morning, Skanky Bitch Whore!'

6) When your boss asks you if you have received the e-mail he/she sent you, always say no. Even if it gets sent five times.

7) Steal all the rolls of toilet paper from the washroom stalls, and keep them at your desk. If people ask you to return them, tell them you must charge them a fee per use. The fee should be no less than a dollar per four squares of paper.

8) Remove all blue and black pens from the supply room, and replace them with pink, purple, and green sparkle gel pens. Keep the blue and black ones in a jar on your desk.

9) Walk into the office of your boss, get up on a chair and start dancing insanely. When he/she asks you to get down, tell him/her that you already are 'getting down', 'what, are you fucking blind or something?

10) If none of the above tickles your fancy, well, you can always just steal shit from co-workers right in front of them . I'm told this works quite well if you really want to get fired.

First really good post on ILJ:


I am not a very nice person. This is something that gets brought up in certain conversations again and again, until it has become near impossible for me to ignore it any longer. The thing is, I used to always think I was a pretty decent person. I mean, at the very least, a tolerable person. But honestly, I do find myself questioning that quite a bit these days. I have already discussed my extreme lack of patience on this blog, but that impatience could very well be where my 'not niceness' stems from. Actually, fuck this 'could very well be' crap. I am plainly and simply a bitch. When I meet someone for the first time, even though I am polite, I secretly wonder what the hell they want from me. When someone does something too nice for me out of the blue, with no prompting whatsoever, I wonder what awful thing they must have done behind my back for them to want to make things up to me so desperately. I am indeed that much of a bitch. If I do something nice for someone, I always secretly hope they do something nice for me in return. If they don't, I always harbour ill feelings. Bitch. In my own defense, however, it wasn't always this way, and I still do have some redeeming qualities (in case some of you have already written me off as some kind of heartless, cold-blooded freak). I used to be the kind of girl who would trust anybody as long as they seemed sincere, and I was the first person to drop whatever I was doing and help people out. I always tried to see the good in people, no matter how shitty of a person they seemed outwardly. Then I fucking opened my eyes. People can act sincere even if they mean to rape and kill you, and stuff you into the trunk of a car. If you continually compensate for friends with no money, they start thinking it's okay not to have a job because you will take care of everything for them. Guys who buy you pretty things- and tell you you're beautiful, and say that they love you- will still call you a 'stupid cunt', maybe hit you, and cheat on you right in front of your face. There's fucking trust for you. That's exactly where being a nice person got me, and I just couldn't take it anymore. At the age of twenty, I became the most cold-hearted, untrusting, self-centered bitch in the entire world. And you know what? I didn't give a damn. It felt good to tell people, 'Sorry, I can't help you edit your paper. It cuts into my toenail painting time.' It felt good to drag a 'friend' out to the bar, find out they had no money to spend and say, 'Well, I'd buy you a drink, but I actually need to save the money to buy a television next month. I hope you don't mind.' It felt damn good to flirt meaninglessly with some guy, fuck him for one night, and then when he phoned a couple of days later, pretend I didn't have the slightest idea who he was, and yell at him for being a depraved, asian-girl-fetishist stalker. It was fucking empowerment for me. I believed I was a being the best me I could be, and not the stupid, trusting, easily disappointed, spineless, I'm-everybody's-best-friend girl that I was before. But wait. This is not where the story ends. At 27, I no longer feel the need to be the monster I've become. In fact, I kind of hate me a lot sometimes. But I know that I'm not a lost cause yet. Goddammit, I like helping people sometimes. And I think it's bloody awesome when someone talks to me just because they find me approachable (people really don't always want something from you). I've been with the Boy for almost a year now, and I've seen the way he treats people. He never expects anything from anyone. He does nice things for people because he wants to. And you know, to me, that is a hell of a lot braver than going around alienating people due to the fact that you've made yourself actually believe that you are better than them because you 'can't be hurt'. I really didn't 'open my eyes' when I started being a bitch. All I did was shut them tight, and duct tape them closed. I don't want to wake up someday and find that all my friends are gone because I drove them away. I don't want to be sitting in front of the television waiting for the Boy to come home one night, but he never does because he's with someone better. If this is the 'top'- if this is what it's like at the 'top'- then fuck, is it ever lonely. I don't want the stupid duct tape on my eyes anymore. I just want to come down and be with everyone else. It's a long fucking trip back, but it's worth the journey. I know it doesn't really change that I'm a bitch by nature, but I definitely think that I can at least try to be a nicer one.

(birthday card by yours truly, the lounge hat what runs this operation).

* * * * * *

Yes, I realize this is probably the longest post ever, but I have to get everything in before I fuck off for the weekend. Firstly, Sunday is Superbowl Sunday. I would like to extend an extra-large GO EAGLES!!!! to the Philadelphia Eagles.

Secondly, Sunday is also what would have been Mr. Bob Marley's 60th birthday. So if you are so inclined, please burn a big one down for the man whose music kept me through the hard times, and continues to do so today. Happy birthday, Bob.

Robert Nesta Marley